The amazing Kelly Abbott, Keagan (5), Hudson (3) and Lennon (1). Kelly has found that motherhood is both more challenging and more amazing than she every anticipated. She says she has been blessed to have had amazing natural births with midwife assistance but her pregnancies all brought some difficulty. Kelly has never been one to be affected by depression or anxiety herself but found herself in a dark place while pregnant with Keagan. For the first time in her life she began to have passive thoughts of self harm, the depression continued to seep in and continued into her postpartum period when she finally decided that she needed to take medication. Kelly was embarrassed to talk about this and address it at first but found that with her second pregnancy she had experienced enough to be more proactive. While the depression didn't come back as severely during her pregnancy she decided to start medication before her birth so that she wouldn't have a lapse in ability to care for herself and her children. She had a similar path and experience with her third. Kelly found that getting the support she needed was difficult and that in particular finding proactive care was hard. She had doctors and therapists tell her that she didn't need to speak with them and she didn't need medication because she wasn't yet dealing with the depression she had experienced before. Kelly was able to have a breastfeeding relationship with Keagan and Hudson for about 3 months each when she returned to work and found pumping and feeding to become increasingly difficult. She went into feeding Lennon hoping to nurse for a longer duration but also knowing she would be fine if it didn't work out which she thinks allowed her to be more successful. Lennon is still nursing and though Kelly is hoping they will wean soon she wants to continue until Lennon is ready to be through.