The radiant Katharine Rawlins mother of Rachel (10 - not pictured), Grace (8), Eliza (6), Josie (4) and Jessie (still born March 9, 2015). Katharine has also had many first trimester losses. Katharine says that in her experience growing and birthing babies, regardless of the outcome, each of them has taught her a new definition of loss. Her first came with the loss of the hope of an incredible birth experience that didn't go as planned; in her second she lost half of her last trimester; her third, while victorious , caused the loss of people close to her because she chose an experience they were not comfortable with; her fourth came in the form of a loss because her midwives didn't make it. It's the one thing that ultimately drove her to midwifery herself, knowing that she could birth alone and be okay, but still, she had some grief. With her last, the end of the second trimester came and things were great. She says she told people and they saw her belly, she planned a nursery and made Pinterest boards and made plans and then had to bury her baby, the greatest loss of all. With it she says you lose not only hopes and dreams but as a mother and as a woman she also feels the loss of the generations of people that could have come because of that one life. Katharine says the days surrounding his birth were the most wonderful, magnificent, peaceful and spiritual experiences ever but what is more difficult to describe is just how much beautiful peace can dance with such horrific loss. She trusted that it was going to be okay but the amount of darkness that continually rotates within it highlights exactly what matter and exactly what doesn't and turns your world into black and white.
Katharine says that when she lost Jesse she found some reassurance in that she could help other moms through this and that she had such a greater understanding, however she recently had to help another woman through this and quickly realized that nothing can make it better, there is nothing you can do to fix it.
Katharine and her family spent 72 hours with Jesse after his birth. They buried him in the 71st hour and sat at his grave site until the time of his birth. When she got home the only thing she had was a huge uterus with nothing in it and a zone on her stomach that has slowly gone away and so she came to us today to capture her Jesse pouch.