The radiant Rachael Szucs with her daughter Eloise (2.5) and son Emmett (5 months). Rachael and her husband chose to terminate her first pregnancy at a young age, she says that she isn't happy about it but she isn't rife with regret either. She does wonder about that pregnancy and baby though and feels that she owes it to that baby to acknowledge the pregnancy. Her second pregnancy two years later was lost to an early miscarriage. She went on to have a healthy pregnancy with Eloise and had planned to deliver in a birthing center with midwives. She carried more than two weeks post dates and the midwives terminated her care and sent her to the hospital for induction with an OB. The induction went smoothly and while it wasn't what she had wanted, once Eloise was on her chest Rachael says it no longer mattered. She had hoped to breastfeed but it never came easily and Rachael says she became obsessed with the cycles and rituals of pumping, nursing, weighing and supplementing. It let to postpartum depression and anxiety and she says that in hindsight she spent her daughter's first year preoccupied with feeding. Rachael was able to nurse Eloise until 22 months. Physically, Emmett's pregnancy went well but Rachael developed antepartum depression which she say manifested itself into pregnancy rage. She found herself snapping at her toddler and having to leave the house and sit in the car while her husband stepped in. Rachael ended up seeking treatment and starting medication while pregnant but greatly struggled with whether or not she could care for this new baby when she wasn't able to care for her daughter as she wanted to. Emmett came quickly and naturally just as she'd hoped Eloise would and she says that once he was here her hormones shifted and everything became easier. She still struggles with her frustrations with her toddler sometimes but says that it's a work in progress and something she's working on. Rachael was able to read the stories and struggles of other women when she was going through difficult times and hopes that sharing her story will not only help her celebrate herself but help another mother know she is not alone.