Rachel Rose Rury (30) and Foster (2)
Rachel shares -
"I had a very traumatic birth. My planned home birth turned into a hospital transfer and emergency cesarean which resulted in a spinal cord injury for my son. He developed severe colic and later was diagnosed with a soy allergy.
My cesarean scar is simultaneously representative of my strength and my biggest failure. I struggle looking at my scar and not feeling a huge sense of loss for the birth I had hoped for. It also represents the pain my son endured during his forceful entry into this world. His birth was the single most traumatic events in my life. I feel immense guilt and shame for feeling like it was the worst day of my life, because I got a son in the end.
I adjusted terribly. I suffered immensely from postpartum depression and anxiety. His severe colic, reflux, spinal cord injury and food allergies made him a VERY angry and pained baby. I hated my new life, I hated him, and I regretted choosing to become a parent. At my lowest point, suicide seemed like my best option. Late on a Tuesday night 6 months PP, I broke down inside Happy Bambino to the then owner, Lea Wolf. She immediately took action and I got the help I needed. I still struggle with depression and anxiety, but I now see the light that is my life, and the life of my precious son.
I urge other to prepare for postpartum depression. Have the difficult conversations. Make those appointments. Don't be afraid to medicate if needed.
I am hoping to heal a bit. This event falls on my son's actual birthday. I can't think of a more beautiful and appropriate way to celebrate his birth. I also want to celebrate our 2 year breastfeeding journey. After a hellish birth and postpartum journey, breastfeeding has been "the one thing I got right." It was the one thing I could do that I never questioned. Feeding my son has always been an immense source of happiness, for both of us."