Lina Castaneda (29) and Logan (2). Lina is also mother to Li (lost to advanced ectopic pregnancy at 17 weeks) and Luna (loss at 7 weeks)
Bogota, Colombia / Miami, Florida. Photographed in Tampa, FL
Lina shares -
"My first birth left me feeling amazing because I gave birth naturally at home. After my second pregnancy I had a scar than runs through my belly all the way dow to the top of my pubic bone. A "classical cesarean" I think they call it. I had a ridiculously advanced pregnancy with Li at 4 months when the doctors finally realized I had an ectopic pregnancy. It resulted in a rupture of my left tube and loss of our baby at 17 weeks. The scar makes me feel like I failed, but also because I don't have mementos of my little Li, I feel that this is a way to remember the day he parted us and that I was lucky to live. That his life was given back to me to continue being Logan's mom.
A year later I became pregnant with Luna whom with lost at 7 weeks. I have a physical scar that will always remind me of my little ones whom I miss so much. I held their little lifeless bodies thinking I had failed as a mom. I thought of suicide many times but my living son needed me and thought therapy and a wonderful supportive husband I made it through.
I did terrible with breastfeeding with a breast reduction/inverted nipple/yeast infection/lip tie for the first 3 months. I had PPD partly because of this and partly because I stopped my creative work on its tracks. I took my son to every group and story time I could find and through these new friendships with newbie moms I found solidarity and support.
I want to honor and document my journey with Logan who is the perfect son and whom I haven't cherished as much because of all the chaos after our breastfeeding start. Also, I would love to help (and find support) on getting rid of the scar stigma. My scar is devotion, loss, power, a battle wound and the greatest gesture of love that my Li gave me, life."