Brittany Bianchi (32)
Brittany is a previous project participant. You can view her original image and story from 2014 with her mom here.
Long Island, NY | Photographed in Oakland, CA
Brittany shares -
“I had two miscarriages back to back this year. I became pregnant in January 2018 with my October baby and lost it at 9 weeks. I went into the doctor at 8 weeks because I was experiencing a migraine and needed some medication. Because of our insurance, I had to see an OB rather than a GP. The OB I got was not my typical one, he did and ultrasound and told me that it would miscarry without empathy. He also told me that if I didn't lose the baby within the week he would give me medication to "speed things up". I was left the appointment shocked, hurt and confused. A couple days later, I was devastated when I actually started to bleed. On that Monday I went to the ER and was diagnosed with a threatened miscarriage. The next day, I officially miscarried.
I became pregnant again shortly after and lost that one at 6 weeks. My husband and I have since gone through hormonal and genetic testing which came back "normal", so we do not know why I lost two in a row.
I have always had a strained relationship with my body. Pre-pregnancy I was never satisfied with how I looked. Pregnancy was challenging when I didn't have an official bump but was squishy. However, after having my boys, I am amazed what a woman's body is capable of and I am trying to encourage that opinion of my body. I still have days where I struggle with how I look, but I will do everything I can to show my boys confidence in myself and not let them see me stress about how I look.
With my first kiddo, I was so excited and in love with him before he was born. We had a traumatic delivery and after I didn't feel like he was mine. It took almost a year before I stoped thinking that his real mother would come and get him at any moment. Later I figured out that this was Postpartum Depression.
With my second, I was so scared to have him. I was afraid that I wouldn't love him or that having two under two would be impossible. I was also terrified of having a similar delivery to my first. His birth was so easy, polar opposite of the first. I loved him immediately and knew in my heart he was mine. My told my husband that I felt like he helped heal me.
However, four months later the PPD hit me again and hard. I was having suicidal thoughts but knew I couldn't act on them because my poor babies and husband would be without me. I sought help and received counseling. I did not want to take medication because breastfeeding on demand was so important to me. By the time he was six months old, he developed reflux and stopped sleeping at night, which was a huge challenge. Around 8 months the medication he was on helped and we both started sleeping, I started feeling better, the PPD was subsiding.
My husband and I live across the country from all our family so we are on our own. I didn't really think about how hard it would be to not have help until after we had our kids. Fortunately he is so supportive and is able to be super involved in our lives. I feel like everything we experienced brought us closer as a couple and stronger as a family.
I love the power this movement provides. When I participated with my mother, we left feeling amazing about our journey through motherhood and more of an acceptance of my own body. Since I participated so much has happened to me and would love to experience it again.”