The beautiful Tuesday Bacich and Isabel Ruby (14 months)
Tuesday is a young mother who is still very much trying to find her way and learn to bond and connect with her daughter as her own. Isabel is loved greatly, both by her mother and many others in her little world, but due to the circumstances surrounding her conception and Tuesday's stage of life she has found it incredibly difficult to forge the bond with her she thinks she needs.
Tuesday has also struggled with how to love herself and respect her body in the ways she feels are intended. Sex was never something intimate or sacred for her but a means to try to connect with men to get the love and validation she was so desperately searching for. She says that this led her to making choices over the years and using her body in ways that she is working on changing.
Tuesday was dating someone consistently when Isabel was conceived but later learned that she wasn't his baby. She had an evening out with an acquaintance that led to too much drinking and see was ultimately taken advantage of. She was not in a position to make decisions or consent and told him she couldn't but he had unprotected sex with her anyway. The morning after, Tuesday struggled to get her bearings and get home where she was safe and she knew she needed access to Plan B just in case.
Tuesday has a history of ovarian cysts which can be painful when they burst and was having some similar abdominal pains a few weeks after the incident. She called her mom, who encouraged her to go to the doctor, where she learned without any fan fair that she was pregnant. Tuesday struggled to wrap her head around what had happened and wasn't sure what to do. She knew that the baby's father wouldn't be involved and was going through a tumultuous time with her own relationship. She wasn't sure she wanted to keep the baby but ultimately decided that she was going to do it. She has a stable career and makes good money and knew she could do it herself. If this had happened and the Plan B hadn't worked, then her baby was destined to be here and had a purpose in her life.
Tuesday's pregnancy was physically very easy. She didn't have morning sickness or any aches and pains. Emotionally, however, she says that she was disconnected from what was happening. She didn't embrace it and didn't even really acknowledge that it was going to result in a baby until she went into labor. Tuesday's labor and delivery were fast and without complication. She didn't want medication until the end and waited to get an epidural until she was ready to push. Once Isabel was earth side she continued to struggle to connect. Tuesday had planned to attempt to breastfeed and did but she says she spent three weeks annoyed every time Isabel wanted to nurse and decided to stop. She went back to work when Isabel was three days old and has found that she wants to focus on herself and her work and notices a pattern of passing Isabel off to other people who love her because she just doesn't know what else is best for them both.
Mothering has been so different than Tuesday ever anticipated and she's working to bond and connect in the way she knows both she and her daughter deserve. There are times she feels such resentment and disconnect. People have asked Tuesday if she should consider giving Isabel up for adoption but she feels that would be an incredibly selfish choice. That instead they need to continue to work through it. Tuesday is in therapy now and her therapist has helped her to reframe her experiences in an honest way, she now knows that what happened to her was rape, and is working through the roadblocks she's been having. She credits her faith for providing her with comfort and strength as she continues to navigate her journey and hopes that it results in her being able to have a purposed voice.
Everyone has a story and deserves to have their voice heard and Tuesday knew the importance of sharing hers. Motherhood isn't always perfect and it isn't always beautiful. She says that especially in the world of life cast social media we share these perfect moments while isolating the chaos that surrounds them. She hopes that others can realize there's more beauty in that chaos and it shouldn't be ignored. Sometimes motherhood is natural and sometimes it takes work to get there.