The wonderful Erin Hollingsworth and Winslow (8). Erin was greatly looking forward to motherhood but never could have imagined how much it would change and inform the rest of her being.
Erin learned quite early in her pregnancy that she was carrying twins and while she had never imagined herself as a mom of multiples she fell in love with the idea rather quickly. When she had her next ultrasound around 12 weeks, one of the babies hearts had stopped beating and she had what is known as Vanishing Twin Syndrome. Because the baby was still so small her body just reabsorbed everything and she began to walk through her days feeling so fiercely that she had both life and death in her womb. She went through a difficult time reconciling her loss and her living her baby.
Erin had been seeing a traditional OB and very much felt that she was just one of many. Her doctor forgot every time she came in that she had lost one of her babies and would just burst into the room asking "How are the twins!" and Erin would have to be the one to remind her that one of her babies had died. Coincidently, Erin heard a friend talking about a recent home birth and knew immediately that was the route she wanted to go, especially after meeting the midwife and realized she embodied just what she felt she needed for birthing support.
The rest of her pregnancy went well and she was looking forward to going into labor, not having to leave her sacred space at home. Labor began smoothly and she progressed very well until about 8 cms when she felt stuck, it was as if there were a lot of emotional things she hadn't quite dealt with were blocking her from being able to birth. Her midwife looked at her and asked immediately if she needed to talk. Erin knew that she needed to talk but wanted to do so privately. Everyone else left the room and she says it was like a therapy session. She would confess something she was holding onto to her midwife and her body would release and contract. She continued this until she felt ready and was able to push Winslow out soon after.
Erin had to return to work after just two weeks after her which created some turmoil but the intimacy she felt with her son allowed her to see that she had never felt such intimacy before. She realized there was a lot about her life that needed transforming and motherhood has allowed her to do that. She calls Winslow her guide because he has led her to being such a better human.