The stunning Carlotta McHale, mother to Rumi (07/08/12), and Tallulah (2)
Carlotta says that for her, motherhood is a gift and an honor. She has immense gratitude, even for the loss of Rumi. She feels that Rumi came and went for her sister, so Tallulah could be here. Motherhood is a rollercoaster and a lesson. More love than she could ever have imagined but ultimately it's gratitude for the gift that is motherhood.
Carlotta wants Tallulah to grow up not feeling the disconnect that she did from women and herself. She remembers being a little girl, sitting on the bathroom floor looking up at her mom doing her makeup. Her mom was naked and she recalls, "she was about 180lbs with big breasts and rolls and cellulite and I remember looking up at her like she was the most beautiful goddess. And then I remembers being a teenager and being embarrassed that she was fat." Carlotta doesn't know when that shift happened but she doesn't want Tallulah to have that. She wants her to be able to love herself and everyone else exactly how they are.
Rumi was conceived without complication but Carlotta says she was fairly naive and was perhaps not fully taking care of herself physically and emotionally. When she went into labor with her at 22 weeks she wasn't really given a choice or all the information about what was happening to her. She felt disempowered and alone. She gave birth to Rumi and her baby lived for about 15 minutes. Carlotta sat with her for as long as she needed to.
They never determined why Rumi arrived early, there was no infection present and Carlotta didn't have any cervical issues. This unknown which led her to feel her body had failed her without knowing how or why. While Tallulah's pregnancy was terrifying and required high-risk care, Carlotta took progesterone injections weekly and found the experience of carrying her to be quite amazing. She loved her body while pregnant and was able to carry to just two days before her due date. She went into labor on her own and the entire delivery was just two hours start to finish. Carlotta says that when each of her daughters were born, she felt reborn alongside them and she was ready to do it all over again.
One of the gifts that Rumi has given her is the ability to be fully present with Tallulah. She does struggle with some PTSD and has a lot of irrational fears but between her supportive husband and her daughter she knows those fears aren't real. She feels the three of them are guided together and Rumi is the one responsible for that.