Andrew Benson (32) and Avree (11)
Minneapolis, MN
Andrew shares -
“During my pregnancy, it was a balance of being in awe of what my body was growing and terrified that I was pregnant at all. I had an overwhelming feeling that pregnancy was not supposed to be happening to me yet it was. After pregnancy and breastfeeding, I gained a new appreciation to what my body was capable of. I knew this was going to be a one-time experience for me. Now that she is older, I am judged heavily on my appearance and parenthood. From being questioned heavily about my ability to parent because my appearance changed to how am I going to lead her into future because I don't present as feminine.
The year after Avree was born, I was challenging every part of who I am for her. I had never really thought about having kids from my own body until faced with a positive pregnancy test. I struggled with my image and my ability to be a parent. I had an abortion about 6 months after Avree was born. I had an affair and in retrospect, it was my escape from married/motherhood. After the abortion came a depressive episode that led to an attempted suicide. I went into a 72 hour hold at the hospital and discovered my truth of being in a gay marriage with a straight man and a parent to my daughter. I came out as gay (but not trans as I did not know that term yet), left my husband and later divorced. I didn't understand my conflict with motherhood until my abortion. I am humbled every day by these series of events and continue to choose my kid any time I have doubts about my life.
You can be queer and a parent. Normative narration/history does not drown out the individual parental love we can show, express and teach.
Our kids actually brought on this possibly. Angie {of Mid Drift Movement} and I are parent’s to preteen friends. Angie has brought different interview possibilities my way as this (my gender identity and parenting) is a topic that I get heavily judged on yet, find that it is not discussed in a respectful manner often enough. I've had my years of experience and love for my child questioned by family, friends, and strangers. Rarely do they truly want to hear my answer. But I feel like this series will finally let me talk. Through words. Through art.”