Patricia Williams (29), Cecilia Patience (5), and Wesley Jeremiah (3)
Patricia shares -
"Parenthood has given me more insecurities than I expected. I never had a second thought about my body until I heard “you look pretty good for having kids.” Suddenly, I realized I was competing with my younger self. And honestly I never hated myself more. But my son started having health issues and I had to get out of my head and fight for my boy. Once I realized I created these fantastic humans, I was able to embrace my marks or pregnancy and cesareans - and one vicious bite mark from breastfeeding.
Cecilia’s birth was nothing short of traumatic. I had a four hour labor, an emergency cesarean, and a baby in the NICU for eight days. Breastfeeding made us bond but I struggled for months to feel anything but guilt and anxiety for giving my girl the entrance of chaos. I barely remember those days except for looking at my daughter and praying she would grow to love me. Finally at 9 months, I stopped exclusively breastfeeding and my anxiety fog lifted. And I realized the hell of my mind.
With Wesley, I chose a scheduled cesarean with just my husband and peace. Everything about that healed my wounds from my first birth. Just mother and son, ready to meet. The anxiety was much less than the first time because I knew what I had encountered. And I wasn’t ashamed to admit my nights where I stayed up imagining the worst or crying over everything. I had a clear picture of who I was as a mother and a confidence that anxiety was a liar. I still have a panic attack here and there but I’m able to move past the fear and enjoy being a mama.
My truth is to trust that you know your babies better than anyone. I looked at my babies faces and knew them already. Trust that, embrace who you felt in your womb and you can parent through it all.
My anxiety kept me from coming after Cecilia. I was going through the motions of motherhood, playing the part but my mind was a war zone. After my son was born, his health and growth immediately stopped. I fought to get answers. My anxiety couldn’t take main stage because everything I ever feared was in front of me. I fought the battle of adjusting to parenthood and hormones and all consuming fear. We have come through together and my children are HERE and HEALTHY and driving me crazy. There was a time I never imagined this possible, I spent so much time worrying I didn’t see the tiny people in front of me. This movement is about overcoming and love. This is the perfect place to document my victory lap.