Carissa King (29 - she/her), Paisley (3.5), and Axel (1)
Buffalo, NY
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Even though my body is a lot more soft, wrinkly, and stretch- marked. I'm in awe of this body. This body that carried two full term children and breastfeed each child for 6+ months. This body has experienced joy and sorrow. Some days I'm embarrassed that it isn't what it used to be. but then I remember all that it has accomplished and I do my best to stay positive.
What was your postpartum experience?
I did everything to try to prevent PPD when my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our second child. I knew I wanted to do my absolute best to enjoy every second of my postpartum journey as a new family of 4. I worked hard on my mental health. A lot affirmations and positive self-talk to guide myself through the changes I physically and mentally was about to experience. That was all thrown out the window after Axel’s incident. That is how I typically refer to it.... "the incident".
My pregnancy, labor & delivery were really not that bad. After Axel was earth-side and the cord cut, the nurse carrying him to the warming station tripped. Axel was dropped and hit the ground. That moment will forever be burned into my brain. I won’t ever forget the sound it made. I won’t ever forget watching my newborn go for X-rays. I won’t ever forget getting the news about Axel’s injuries. I wont ever forget watching medical staff putting my hours old baby into a special transport unit to take him to Children’s hospital by ambulance. I won’t ever forget my own ambulance ride to Children’s hospital. I wont ever forget seeing my newborn hooked up to monitors. I won’t ever forget the smells, the sights, the sounds of the NICU….I wont ever forget the tears streaming down my face as my husband and I went home for the first time without our baby boy.
The trauma that Axel and my family went through still haunts me. I think the biggest struggle is that even in the midst of the incident there were a lot of nurses who truly did help us a lot. I struggle a lot with balancing my feelings of anger, and happiness, and confusion. I will say this, PTSD is real, raw and unforgiving. We just passed the first anniversary of Axels incident. It was tug-o-war with my emotions. Almost a year has gone by, but it still feels like those precious, sacred moments were ripped away from my husband and I.
I am sharing what happened as we want to make other parents aware that they can request that their son or daughter be transferred by basinet and not by hand after birth. It is something that we don’t want another family to ever have to endure.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I felt it was time to finally open up and share our story. I'm hoping for closure to finally start to heal and welcome this next season of our lives.