Megan Yepez (29), Eloise and Everett (11 months - fraternal twins)
Megan shares -
“During my pregnancy, it really felt like my body didn't belong to me anymore. Two little people were sucking the energy out of me. I also had to submit my body to multiple tests and procedures from early in the pregnancy. Doctors poked and prodded me and I felt like I had little control over what was being done because it was in the best interest of the babies. After they were born, I still felt like I had little control due to constant feeding, pumping and holding of babies. My body was always needed by two little people and sometimes it was too much. I also felt like my body was broken.
It kept going into early labor, the first time at 22 weeks. I couldn't walk more than around the house without having contractions. My cervix was labeled "incompetent" and my uterus was "irritable." Eloise's placenta started calcifying and her growth slowed. Her fluid levels dropped and the doctors decided to induce me. My water broke the night after they took my cerclage out, despite the doctor telling me that wouldn't happen. We never even made it to the induction day.
I expected the worrying to be over postpartum. The whole pregnancy, I thought once they were here everything was going to be ok. After they were born at 35 weeks, I ended up leaving the hospital without my babies. Everett had to stay for 5 days in the level 2 nursery and Eloise stayed for 10 days.
We struggled with breastfeeding from the start. Eloise wasn't able to latch correctly for 6 weeks. I obsessed over feeding and pumping around the clock. I mourned the loss of not being able to exclusively provide them with breast milk. I also struggled with loss of the idea of the perfect pregnancy. I felt like I missed out on the perfect pregnancy and postpartum period. I felt like not one thing had gone right on this journey. I didn't deal with the trauma of my pregnancy, and then after they were born all my attention was focused on them. Postpartum, we were struggling with our finances, our living situation, and with a lot of emotions we had to put aside during the pregnancy, so it has been a lot for me.
I chose to share my story in hopes of bringing some healing for myself.”