The wonderful Whittney Scarpace with her son Rylan Anias (7) and daughter's Lucille Adora (3) and Arbor Freya (6 mo). Also pictured is Whittney's son Brahm Copeland (9/1/13 - 11/14/13). Whittney became pregnant with Rylan when she was just 17. She knew she would be doing things on her own and says that his existence changed her life and took her in an entirely new direction. She almost had a cesarean with Rylan but was able to get him out vaginally with vacuum assistance after a long labor. Whittney's husband came into her life when Rylan was 8 months old and 3.5 years later Lucille was born. Whittney had some health issues during this pregnancy and had thought about possibly having a natural birth but was scared and opted for an epidural. She wanted a natural birth for her third baby as well but with her long and her contractions with him became very intense. She struggled with feeling like a failure after he was born but quickly learned to celebrate the joy and love he brought into her life. Brahm lived for 10 weeks and 2 days, one morning he just never woke up. Whitney says, "He came to teach so many things, but most of all; love. We miss him very greatly. I ache constantly. He is being part of a current major study on SIDS, and I hope that this study comes out on top because I don't want any other mother to ever feel the way I did that morning and the way I do every second of my life. The loss of a child is not comparable. It's hard to learn how to stay present when your soul needs to venture to your child on the other side. I am a big SIDS awareness advocate, and I want everyone to know that we as mothers have done nothing wrong. Brahm was my first successful exclusively breastfed baby. Our bond was immeasurable."
Whittney's rainbow baby Arbor was conceived very quickly after her loss. She says that she is her healer and she sees Brahm in her constantly. Whittney was able to breathe through her labor pains and contractions this time in a way she had only learned to do in breathing through her grief. She finally had the birth she desired and been able to exclusively breastfeed for longer than she ever had before. Her arms feel slightly less empty no though she misses her boy so much.
Whittney has had self esteem issues her entire life, especially after having children and wanted to do this for herself... "To learn to be brave, proud, and love myself regardless".