The glowing Jessica Gonzalez, mama to Ethan (2 years, 8 months). Jessica and her husband tried for a really long time to conceive. They spent years waiting for even an "oops" moment to happen. After about 3 years they decided to go get blood work done and everything came back okay except for an elevated prolactin level in Jessica. It was determined she had a pituitary gland tumor that was causing her body to produce more prolactin which is the breastfeeding hormone that provides a degree of natural birth control. While she was having a menstrual cycle she wasn't ovulating. Clomid didn't work and after a year and a half Jessica was feeling really hopeless about the situation everyone around her was having a baby, she stared to feel bitter, their relationship was suffering and she decided to stop trying. She decided to focus on her career, left her husband behind for 6 months to move to DC and work and then watched a friend give birth. Seeing her welcome her baby made her realize how important it was to her to become a mother. She went back to the fertility specialist the next month and conceived the month after. She had a very easy pregnancy, everything was perfect and she studied Birthing From Within. She was set on having a natural birth and despite comments otherwise went into labor after stripping her membranes. She labored at home for several hours, ate and delivered Ethan naturally after 16 hours of labor. She had an episiotomy due to his sunny side up positioning but he was out on the next push. She says holding her son for the first time almost felt like a joke. She finally had a baby. Jessica says she was hell bent on breastfeeding and did so for 27 months so they could try to have another baby just a few months ago. She says the process this time has been another downward spiral. In the back of her mind she thought it would just happen or would be easier but she's had cysts and concerning spots on ultrasound and something unknown in her uterus. Insurance doesn't pay for anything and she says she's considering what her uterus is worth to her. While she's happy for those around her who are able to conceive without issue there is an element of grief and upset at seeing it happen so easily for others while struggling so greatly herself. She says she's trying to remember her son is enough and he's worth it and will always be enough for her but still she wants more children. The loss and grief and comments are often so much to deal with. She's gone to therapy, adopted a puppy, she knows she and her husband are good people, her son is amazing and knows it will pass, they will be okay, their baby will come or it won't. Ultimately, she wants to find that happy place where she just knows everything is okay.