The amazing A.B. mother to Lucille (2 - not pictured) and Everett (7 months)
A.B's first pregnancy was a bit of a surprise - sooner than she had been ready but they were able to run with it. She is a doula and childbirth educator herself so A.B had a well rounded knowledge of pregnancy, birth and her options. However, she was at her heaviest weight when she conceived and wasn't very healthy. She had always planned to get herself to a healthier place before inviting another human to grow within her body, and struggled temporarily with her reality. Thankfully, A.B was able to find a birth center based midwife who was very supportive and she went on to have a healthy pregnancy. While her birth was uncomplicated, Lucille was having a difficult time breathing and they transferred to the hospital where she remained in NICU for her first 7 days of life.
A.B found the transfer and unexpected NICU stay to be quite traumatizing. She knew she wanted to breastfeed but holding a new baby with wires and cords and trying to get them to latch was difficult. She's grateful they were able to work things out but it wasn't the experience she'd hoped for.
When Lucille was a year old, A.B learned she was pregnant again. She trusted that her body could deliver this time but was uncertain as to whether or not her baby would be healthy. It was then that she realized she couldn't fully control the outcome and simply needed to get herself to a place where she was prepared for either/or. Thankfully, she was able to deliver Everette at home without complication. His birth was very healing and so needed.
A.B had the random idea to step on the scale just days after Everette was born and was surprised to see she weighed less than when she got pregnant. Still, her relationship with the number on the scale was a different experience than she'd ever had before. She was disassociated from her weight as a number with bearing on her being and instead found herself able to focus on her strength and her abilities.
Her relationship with her body and herself is something that A.B has found to be in flux for so long but it's now begun to solidify into something positive and tangible. When asked why she chose to participate, A.B simply said that this was something she needed to do. Capturing this moment in time and space not only for herself but for her children was necessary.