Sarah Connell (36 - she/her) and Wilder (12 months)
San Antonio, TX
“(I’ve experienced) a loss of who I used to be. I had JUST figured myself out, and gotten comfortable in my skin. In a very short while, I went from "being okay being single" to "in love and having a baby" so quickly, it was difficult to keep track of who I was. Those identity changes were significant losses that impacted my postpartum experience. I'm just now getting back to a place of "being okay being me."
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
I look at myself today and I see my grandmother from one angle, my mother from another, and a shadow of my former self from another. I have had a healthy body image up until this time in my life, even when I was pregnant. I never shamed my body for how it was shape wise. I'm able to relate to so much I've heard for the first time in my life.
What was your postpartum experience?
No woman approached me regarding how difficult postpartum could be. I was given a heads up about the physical recovery, but nothing more than a, "yeah, I think I had a bit of the baby blues," concerning the mental recovery. It made me think I must be going through something unique to me when I started going to some dark places in my mind after Wilder arrived. The fear of telling someone "official," and having them take Wilder away was real and exacerbated by my postpartum anxiety. It led me to hide a lot of what was really happening and try to push through to appear "normal." After suffering through for the better part of his life, I finally got help a month before his birthday. My moods have dramatically shifted after starting to take an anti-anxiety booster medication. I am working on repairing a lot of shame and fear based thinking through therapy.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I hoped for this experience to be a kick-off of sorts to the next part of my postpartum journey. I want something to remember this time.