Chelsey Cardinal (28 - she/her). Mother to May (would be 4), Remy (3), and Enzo (15 mo.)
Rhode Island
“Losing our first baby brought me to my lowest but also taught me a lot about healing and how I handle the emotional aftermath. I learned that the joy of motherhood and the grief of loss can sit side by side and that is ok! One does not make the other disappear. I still miss my baby and think about her all of the time, 4 years later, and I’m not sure I will ever recover completely from the PTSD of losing her.
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
I’ve always struggled with my body image. From having very unhealthy eating habits in high school and college I struggled a lot with loving my body after the birth of my kids, but I can honestly say that while I still have my moments of insecurity, I’ve never loved this body of mine more than I do now seeing it carry babies, deliver those babies, and nourish those babies.
What was your postpartum experience?
Postpartum with my daughter was very hard! I suffered from severe postpartum anxiety and struggled with PTSD from the years of infertility we lived prior to her birth. I struggled with every part of motherhood with her. I spent weeks back and forth to a lactation consultant and months using a nipple shield, all which made me feel so inadequate. I had such bad PPA that I never left the house due to my fears of something happening to her. I couldn’t sleep most nights because of the horrible fears that would take over my thoughts. When I finally saw the sun again 6 months in, I allowed myself a lot of grace, and started to accept that my baby was going to be ok and that I was going to be ok. With my son, postpartum was very different, I had a confidence I didn’t have before and I was able to spend more time in the moment enjoying postpartum.
What is your truth that you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
If I could share something with my former self, it would be that you are going to survive this. When I lost May, I didn’t think I’d survive. I felt her loss so deep in my core that I didn’t think I’d get past it. When I struggled with infertility, I didn’t think I’d survive. I felt like my body was betraying me every time I tried to have a baby. When our daughter has complications in pregnancy and we weren’t sure she’d make it to us, I didn’t think I’d survive, I thought again that God was taking my hopes and dreams away from me again. When I fell deep into the hole of postpartum anxiety, I didn’t think I’d survive. I thought I’d never get past those feelings of fear and sadness. But in the end, I survived, and I’d just tell the girl I was 5 years ago that she WILL get through this and she WILL survive.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I wanted to participate as a form of healing and to show myself grace. My journey to and through motherhood has not been a simple one and I wanted a way to document my story and show my children how to love themselves and share their stories, unapologetically, with others.