Elizabeth Scime (38), Samuel David Morgan (33), and Ellis (16 weeks)
Philadephia, PA
Elizabeth shares -
"I was always an athletic and fit person and I cared about the way my body looked. I always judged my figure based on how my stomach looked, so when I became pregnant I had to make a big mental shift. Although I exercised and ate healthy, I ended up gaining 40lbs. I thought I'd only gain around 25lbs and had to come to terms every time I got on a scale. I come from a family that has an unhealthy obsession with weight and I lied when they asked how much I was gaining. Yet I knew I had to support this growing human inside of me despite my mind kept telling me to get back into shape. Post birth has been challenging since I had a cesarean. I'm growing stronger every day but my priorities are now shifting as I embrace my body as a mother. I still like to exercise, but I'm balancing that more with wanting to be healthy and rested for my baby.
I was totally unprepared for my postpartum feelings. My goal was to have a natural delivery and I ended up with a cesarean. I had labored for over 30 hours before getting admitted to the hospital and had been awake for almost 72 hours before my baby was born. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and still processing the trauma of the birth. There was no rest afterwards, despite everyone telling me to sleep when the baby slept- there were staff constantly coming in/out of the hospital room. I finally got more rest once we went home, but not enough to stabilize my mood. I felt an incredible urge to protect my baby, but also felt disconnected at the same time. I felt isolated despite having an incredibly supportive partner. I had scary thoughts about bad things happening to my baby which I was constantly trying to mitigate in my head. It was hard for me to ask for help, but I couldn't even sit up without help because of the surgery. I started to feel like I would never get better, that I would be helpless and unable to parent.
The first six weeks were stressful and overwhelming as I was still learning my baby's cues, and often didn't feel like I knew what to do. Despite having a strong relationship with my partner, we couldn't seem to agree on what the baby needed in the moment and we frequently argued. I felt like a failure when I couldn't soothe my baby. As time went on and I got to know my baby and processed the birth experience with my partner, I started to feel more confident in my ability to be a mother. I felt like we turned a corner around six weeks when my baby learned to make eye contact, I didn't realize how much I needed that feedback from him until it happened. Since that time, our connection continues to grow.
There is a common belief that a mother must know what to do at all time, be perfect, responsive and responsible for everyone around her, and have her body bounce back all at the same time. I believe that sharing our stories and the impact of childbirth on our bodies will bring positive dialogue and help break down those unrealistic expectations."
Samuel shares -
"{I felt} loss of connection and loss of involvement. Loss of the birth experience I excited for and hoping to be a significant part of.
It would be easy to use Parenthood as an excuse to stop going to they gym or to stop staying active. But the commitment I make to my body is equally as important as the commitment to our son - even when at a loss for time. I need to stay fit and strong for him. I need to be a model of healthy living for him.
I went back to work after only 1 week of staying home with our new son. I wish I had taken more time off to enjoy the experience. Having a newborn is a ton of work, and I give all the credit to my incredible partner for everything she does. I support her when I can, but she is a superhero. Everything is manageable in a controlled chaos sort of way. Some moments are frustrating, but there are other moments that make it all worthwhile.
{I participated} to support my partner and to reduce the stigma of the birth process and to speak towards the unhealthy expectations our society has placed on new families.
Use your voice. Ask questions. Be heard. Make informed decisions. Breathe. Do work. Smile.