Elizabeth Russell (35 - she/her). wife Nicole Russell (35 - she/her) and Emmett (5.5 months - they/them)
New Mexico | Maryland
Elizabeth shares -
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
I have a trauma history dating back pretty far and from that an eating disorder that I thought wrecked my body and ability to have children. Before having my son I always looked at my body with a lot of fear but, now, post birth, I'm able to simply observe my body and be amazed at the life it has created. I have a cesarean scar and a postpartum pouch right now, but that's not where my focus goes. Instead I see the part of my body that carried my son, with wonder and grace.
What was your postpartum experience?
Initially everything sort of flowed. I healed from my cesarean fairly seamlessly and I was able to navigate new mom-hood with my wife without too many issues. I wasn't expecting the anxiety I started to experience when I returned to work, or needing to take medication for it, however. Thankfully I'm pretty aware of my own internal state so I didn't go months with this anxiety that had me leaving work immediately, but it is still hard to accept that that was help I needed.
What is your truth that you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
Your own childhood does not define your ability to be a parent or your capacity to meet your child’s needs.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
Bodies are fucking amazing and the fact that my body grew and housed such an fascinating little human is something I will always be most proud of.
Nicole shares -
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
One of my first memories is a 3-year-old me thinking that I was fat. I have always judged my body and developed an eating disorder partly because of my dissatisfaction, and spent much of my early-mid twenties in and out of treatment. In 2011, I was in a serious car accident that left me with an abdominal scar, and another surgery scar was added in 2015. My body’s ability to heal fascinated me and gave me a bit of a different perspective.
While I still don't love my body, the older I've gotten, the less important it is to be "perfect." My wife loves me as I am and Emmett doesn't care what my body looks like. Being a good mom is more important than worrying about my body's scars and imperfections. Somehow, I don’t feel the same pressure I felt in my twenties to have a perfect body. Plus, the amount of effort and time it took to obsessively restrict my food and lose weight 10-15 years ago just wouldn’t be possible now.
It's important for me to not pass on body image issues to Emmett because I don't ever want him to judge himself the way that I've judged myself. I want to teach him that his body is amazing and his own.
What was your postpartum experience?
While I didn't physically carry Emmett, adding a new member to the family is a big adjustment. The three of us were home together for 12 weeks and it was great to spend that time together, but then Sarah went back to work and we went back to “real life.” I've sometimes gotten down on myself for not being able to calm Emmett fast enough, or wondered if I'm doing a good job.
I've always wanted to be a mom but didn't carry, and occasionally feel a bit jealous that my wife's DNA is a part of him. Sometimes I worry that the connection between me and Emmett won't be as strong because we're not biologically related, but then he smiles at me with his big eyes and I know that he knows I'm his mom.
I'm the stay at home parent and sometimes (or a lot of the time) it's exhausting taking care of a tiny person! Emmett is a loud baby and is in a squealing/screaming stage. I’m a quiet person who gets overwhelmed with noise so I need time to myself some days. It’s ok - and healthy - to not LOVE being a parent 24/7. It’s not always fun but I'm so glad this is our family now.
What is your truth that you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
It's definitely okay to not have all the answers! Google is not always your friend and will only make you paranoid as a new parent. Mistakes happen - you'll bump your kids' head on something or accidentally cut his finger with nail clippers - but it's somehow a weird rite of passage.
It’s also okay to not be totally happy with your body, but live life anyway! I wasted so much time trying to achieve the impossible. There was always something to change before I could be satisfied. Looking back, there was nothing wrong with my body then.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I wanted to participate as a challenge to myself and to capture our family right now. When I read others’ stories and see their pictures, I only see their positives. Being vulnerable is terrifying but it’s ultimately what connects us as humans.
It's also important for others to see LGBTQ+ families who look just like everyone else. Some people have demonized the LGBTQ+ community but we're just like them; we just happen to love a little differently.