Barbara R Valente (49). Mother to Rebecca (14), and Jonathan (12). This is Barbara’s 4th time participating in the project. You can view her images and stories here.
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Over the years I have had many different responses to this question. They range from feeling like a motel to a milk machine to a goddess giver of life to full acceptance. Currently with older children, I feeling my body is mostly mine again. How it looks and how it feels in my skin is more a result of my actions than child birth.
What is your truth?
You are perfect... no matter what your partner or your healthcare provider or your mom or your friends or your sleep deprived brain tells you.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
This is the 4th time I have participated and am doing so for my self. In October 2018 I was diagnosed with breast cancer and in November 2018 I had a double mastectomy with reconstruction using the muscles from my back. It was a long surgery and I was in the hospital for 3.5 days. Thanks to my family, friends, and dedicated partner I never lacked love, support, or acceptance. I have never in my life felt more held by those around, especially my closed friends who have been there so fully.
But this journey has not been without emotional and physical ramifications. It was hard knowing the breast that fed my kids for 15 months each were trying to kill me and needed to be amputated. It was also hard losing them as they were an important part of intimacy with my partner. Immediately post-surgery my new breasts looked beautiful, but quickly I was diagnosed with necrotic skin and subsequently had 40 Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy sessions and a second surgery for skin grafting. My new reality is I have a body that tried to kill me, breasts that are less that perfect, muscles that have been rearranged so I don’t move like I did before and due to medications and poor self care am heavier than I would like.
To be clear... I was so lucky. I had what I call “easy cancer.” My genetic tests all came back negative, my lymph nodes were all clear, the latissimus dorsi flaps the created my new breast were heathy, and the skin death was simply cosmetic. Also, I did not need radiation and my oncotype score was 13 so I did not need chemo. I am currently in forced menopause due to the fact my cancer was hormone reactive. I will either continue to manage my menopause with monthly injections for 5 years or have my ovaries removed and also take a daily aromatase inhibitor for 10 years... all to protect me against reoccurrence.
Currently I have no evidence of disease and am considered cancer free. I am a survivor but have a hard time wrapping my brain around this. So for this sessions I have left the kids at home and am using these pictures to take back my power... from the pain of my changed body and from cancer in general.
Truth be told, there is nobody I would rather photograph my new breast and mark this moment of body acceptance than ash. I am nervous to face the camera and I am scared to see my image. But this needs to be done... I need to heal.