Liz Keels (37 - she/her) and Conner (2.5)
Houston, TX
“I had two terminations at age 21 and 26. I was selfish and scared, working in an industry that had me so far separated from reality.
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
It’s redefined it. I care less about being appealing to others. I want my body to be the vessel that provide nutrients for my son for however long that is possible for us. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate being told I’m beautiful, it just feels more real in a natural state.
What was your postpartum experience?
I’ve been a single mom since I was still carrying my beautiful son. With out my mom, I am not sure how I would have survived the first year let alone the first day of his life earth side. I felt so powerful giving birth with no medical interventions. There was lots of anxiety in the hospital with his little body being rushed to NICU for mild breathing issues that might have been naturally resolved had I followed through with a home birth. I thought because I was on Medicaid I had to deliver in a hospital. Grateful for my doula Rowan who supported me the whole pregnancy and postpartum. She was like my partner who wasn’t present for us. She incapsulated my placenta and I swear it kept the PPD and PPA at bay.
I am still breastfeeding at 2.5 years and it helps me feel connected to him. I plan to self wean. He didn’t gain weight at month 3-4. We found that he had a tongue tie and since revised the anxiety around his intake subsided. I don’t get as many comments as I have ready others encountering. I’m pretty outspoken, so I let it be known it’s none of their business.
At almost 2.5 years into motherhood, I feel overwhelmed most days. When I got pregnant I was very involved in the homeless dog crisis we have in Houston. By the time Conner came, I had 10 dogs under my care. We just made it work. Pack walks with the stroller, now the wagon.. but I lost myself in the process and I’m getting back to finding things outside of rescue that Conner and I can enjoy together and apart.
Growing up we weren’t really allowed to have big emotions. That has been the hardest expectation to let go of. His cries trigger a fear and anxiety in me. My son, like me, has big emotions and he’s not afraid to show them. I have to apologize to him daily and remind myself to listen and be open.
What is your truth?
“I was eager to be loved. Willing to do anything for that. Used and abused in my broken, covered up vulnerability. Creating a painful embarrassment that was too painful for anyone to look at. But now I'm free to be, in my own love for me. And happy and very able to look at you.
I was a beautiful con artist, a master man-ipulator. All for my own survival's sake, rummaging through the scrap heap of life for sustenance. But now I am a compassionate caregiver, knowing what it feels like to be used and dumped in the trash, there with silent reverence for the mistreated.
I was a piece of meat, and I measured myself and my value by the look on the observer's face, not knowing or caring about them, only about their reaction to me. But now I am a tender-hearted, generous observer, seeing the beauty in every living creature, starting with me.
I was a victim of abuse, including of myself. Not sure how to be enough, or at least look enough. And now I am the most beautiful of God's creations, clear-eyed and transparent; you get all of me, including my scars, and be thankful for the extraordinary gift that I am.
I am beautiful and precious, with a heart of gold and light, made even more beautiful by what I've seen and done in the dark. Stars show brightest in the blackest night. I am a dazzling spectacle of redemption.” —J.S. (Written for L.K.)
This was written for me by a mentor a year and a half before I conceived. I think it STILL holds so much TRUTH.
I would tell my former self.. You ALWAYS deserved to be a Mother, even when others told you you didn’t. Also, be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to saved the world.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I had seen a friend’s experience in the movement and have been following IG for when you are in Houston. I am not modest in the least and wanted to be an open book to share my experience and story.