Tara Haynes-Herbert (31 - she/her) and Simon (16 mo)
Buffalo, NY
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
I have always struggled with my body image. My stomach was never flat enough, my thighs rubbed together, etc. I would workout everyday and I was hard on myself if I gained weight. Even when I was pregnant, I said once I have the baby I’ll get back in shape. I gained 40 pounds during pregnancy! After I had my baby, the weight didn’t “melt off” with breastfeeding like everyone told me. I have no time to workout. It took a year to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes and some still do not fit! I’m not the size I was before I was pregnant. My body went through lots of changes during those 9 months! But I have more appreciation for my body and what it went through. I’m not as hard on myself as I was before pregnancy. I have a new self acceptance and love for my body that I never had before.
What was your postpartum experience?
I had a very specific birth plan, which included having a natural unmedicated birth at a local birthing center. However, this didn’t happen. I labored for three days; and at the end of these three days, I was unable to progress and needed a cesarean. I was so happy to see my baby and he was a perfect, beautiful, healthy baby boy, but I was disappointed in myself. Why was I unable to have a natural birth? I planned on exclusively breastfeeding Simon. However, Simon wasn’t gaining weight and I had to supplement with formula. This broke my heart that my body was unable to provide my baby with enough nutrition. These two things that should come naturally for all women, didn’t for me. I was sadden by this and had to work through it.
Along with this emotional struggle, I had anxiety and depression. I was scared to leave my house. I was worried about other people holding my baby. My relationship with my husband was put on hold, which resulted in a few arguments. My cesarean incision got infected and I needed antibiotics. I felt all alone, even though there were many people helping me. The lack of sleep did not help my emotional state either. It took me months to really adjust and work through my struggles. I came to realize that not all women are able to exclusively breastfeed and no matter how you bring a baby into the world it doesn’t make you less of a woman.
What is one piece of knowledge you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
Cut yourself some slack! Not everyday is going to be perfect. Not everything is going to workout like you think it will. There’s a lot of ups and downs with parenting. You’re doing a good job!
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I wanted to share my store because the emotional struggles women face during childbirth and postpartum are not talked about enough. Women need to know that they’re not alone.