Char Hanson (41 - she/her). Mother to Tommy (13)
Boston, MA
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
My body was probably the thing in this world I was most comfortable about when I was younger. I could eat whatever I wanted and never gain weight, which was very important to me. I was a distance runner and track captain, and when I ran, I could do so with ease and comfort. When I did get hurt or sick, I would be annoyed but bounce back and be 100% back. Immediately after giving birth, I was horrified by what I was "left with", and could not stop poking at my new squishy belly and staring at my stretch marks. Over time, I have become much more comfortable with my body as it is, and have lessened my judgement of myself and others who carry extra weight. I never realized how elitist I could be about weight and fitness prior to becoming a parent. Now I have more important things to worry about.
What was your postpartum experience?
Postpartum started abruptly, as I was delivered at 37 weeks via emergency cesarean after months of bed rest for preeclampsia. I had a stressful but very enjoyable pregnancy, with several trips to L+D for monitoring and early labor. The postpartum hospitalization was enjoyable as it started with my son in the SICU, but then we had some normal days of learning how to care for our baby and bonding as a family. I do wish I had set better boundaries with visitors, since I truly wanted my boys to myself for a day or two at that point.
There was a point where my son's allergies were making him so uncomfortable that he was covered in welts, crying a lot, and having a hard time sleeping. I was becoming depressed primarily because I felt like an awful mother, not able to provide basic comfort to my child. I was also exasperated with medical providers that just seemed to give me another medication or cream to add to the pile of things that didn't work. I remember one day where I was just sitting in the middle of my living room raging alone about it, and then realized if anyone came in, I was going to look ridiculous. That ended my pity party. I wound up finding a church I liked since I felt I needed some faith, and went to a therapist. My son got into a great immunology clinic around eight months old, which was a turning point. My husband is my rock and was a wonderful support throughout my pregnancy and postpartum time, which really helped me have a mostly positive postpartum experience.
What is your truth that you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
My truth is that I thought my body was amazing because I ran a marathon and a lot of track races, because I could bench press my weight at one point, and because of the other athletic feats I pulled off. I KNOW my body is amazing because I was able to bring a child into this world while mentally and physically fighting to keep going the whole time. Maybe that's what I was training for the whole time.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
A really awesome friend suggested it, but it's been thirteen years and I haven't processed all of this.