Samantha Magpi (27 - she/her), Indigo “Indy” (4) , and Kestrel “Kes” (8 mo)
Philadelphia, PA
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Parenthood has made me appreciate my body more than I ever have. Not that I didn't appreciate my body before I had kids, but I definitely have a lot more self love & a lot less fucks given. As a woman of color I grew up feeling weird about my body, wishing my nose wasn't as wide, wishing I had boobs, that my nipples weren't so dark and "weird", wishing I didn't so dark in the sun. Basically, I wished I was white... Which is so far from how I feel now.
Being in midwifery school, in a rare cohort that was made up of 50% woman of color was exactly what I needed in my life. Being surrounded by them the last 3 years has made me appreciate the skin I was born into and want to dig deeper into my ancestry. I embrace the qualities I once wanted to change.
I now see strength when I look at my body as a mother. It's done everything I could have ever asked of it and more. My uterus has grown two healthy babies, my vagina has birthed a 9lb baby boy and a 7lb 12oz baby girl, and I have been able to breastfeed for 36 months and counting. I am no longer a size 0, my body is fuller, but so is my heart.
What was your postpartum experience?
My postpartum experience was pretty amazing, something I wish everyone was able to say. There were definitely moments this second time around that felt a little overwhelming and a few times where I thought "why did I do this again?" But, I knew this was normal and temporary and for me those moments were rare and overpowered by love + bliss.
I was lucky enough to be supported by such a great community. So many of our friends, family members and fellow birth workers brought over meals so I didn't cook anything for a little over a month which was absolutely incredible.
My first postpartum experience was also wonderful, except for the fact that I couldn't stand my partner for about a year. Looking back I think I mostly resented the freedom he had. We were 22 and living at my parents so I think he felt like I was taken care of there and he could leave whenever he wanted and continue on with his normal activities, so he did. All the damn time. This caused a lot of stress in our relationship, I remember thinking about how I couldn't stand to stay with him any longer. At times I couldn't imagine a future together. Once we moved out of my parents house our relationship significantly improved. He definitely became more mature and stepped up his parenting game 100%. This second time around I think we're the best we've ever been together. We're far from perfect, but we understand each other's flaws and accept them. While we didn't plan to spend our lives together and getting pregnant the first time was an accident, I'd say we're doing pretty damn good.
Right now at 8 months postpartum I'm just wondering when this baby high will end, when and how will I know we're done ?! Because at this point I could have one hundred more babies, (just kidding) but seriously... Both of our kids have been great sleepers, and I think a huge part of that is the energy we put out. But, if they're all this easy I understand how people end up with 8 kids. (Like my midwife for example who I thought was crazy, but I totally get it now)
What is your truth that you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
Give no fucks. Be your true self, and if you don't know who that is go find yourself. For both me and my partner I think having a strong sense of identity has helped us enjoy the rollercoaster of parenthood and feeling like we haven't lost ourselves along the way.
People will constantly question your parenting choices from the very second you get pregnant so you have to stand strong in what you believe in. Don't worry about what you may get judged on, trust your intuition. Find your community!
You will never be a perfect parent, you will fuck up and it will be okay, so accept that, apologize, challenge yourself to be a better person. Love your child, love yourself and everything else will fall into place along the way.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I'm inspired seeing others photos and hearing their stories. Everyone is so different, their experience is so different. I wanted to capture the rawness of my body at this point in my life and share a bit about my story too.