Xiomara Rodriguez (29 - she/her), Yohana (8), Christian (1), and Adriana (miscarried 02.11.17)
Austin, TX
“My miscarriage happened on February 11, 2017. Which also happened to be my wedding day. I describe it as the best and worst day of my life. I woke up and couldn't wait to marry the love of my life but something was off. I thought to myself, I'm not pregnant anymore. Somehow I just knew. I drove to the store while everyone got ready came home and took the pregnancy test and then I saw the 2 words I didn't want to see ash across the clear blue test "not pregnant." I slide down the wall in my bathroom, sat in the door and balled my eyes out. I felt so alone. I was broken, hurt and yet I got up, wiped the tears from my face and got ready to get married. I didn't tell anyone i had lost my baby until i told my partner. We got married, drove to the reception and during our first dance I cried. I cried for the baby I wasn't going to meet, for the fact that I felt betrayed by my own body and the that I'd spend the rest of my life trying to imagine who this baby would be.
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Parenthood is the such an amazing gift. I know there are people out there who pray for children everyday. So I try my best to be grateful for the sweet babies I get to have in my life. Still, when I see myself I'm uncomfortable, ashamed, and self conscious. I try my hardest to stay positive though. I have to show my children that our bodies are amazing and can do amazing things. I want to set an example for my daughter because I want her to know that no matter what all that matters is how she loves and feels about herself. So when we go to the beach I wear a bikini because I love them! When I see my stretch marks I think of how my body grew two amazing humans and how in love I am with them. How my one breast may be bigger than the other but that breast is still providing the best nourishment for my child and the wonderful bond that it has created. How I may not love my body but it has done such a marvelous job at keeping me alive, creating life and nourishing my children. My body image is still a work in progress but I'm learning to love myself for who I am.
What is your truth?
Parenting is hard and it's ok to ask for help. You are not alone in this. I suffered PPD for two years after Yohana was born and because of that my mind has blocked out those first two years with her and I can't remember them. Please reach out to someone. Those that truly love you want to help.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
Your message is powerful! Imagine if everyone experienced true self love for their bodies. I want to empower the next person because I was one of those who saw your book and was completely empowered by the images. I thought "I WANT THAT! THAT SELF LOVE. THAT CONFIDENCE." So here I am baring it all in front of strangers.