Ashley Marie (30 - she/her). Mother to Solana (6), Mercy (2), and Anastasia (1)
Chicago, IL
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
I don’t really know. Am I happy with my body? Meh Am I proud of what my body has done? YES, but there will always be a part of me that misses that fit pre baby body
What was your postpartum experience?
Rough, I experienced PPD or PPA after every pregnancy. Intrusive thoughts, mood swings, you know all the stuff they try to pass off as “baby blues”, but sure the heck is not. It’s common though and needs to be talked about more. I speak up now, because I want people to know it’s ok to have these thoughts and it’s important to seek help, if needed. There’s absolutely no shame in it. We legit can’t help it.
What is your truth that you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
One day you are going to want all the babies and it’s exhausting, but totally worth it. To new parents...I’d say follow your intuition and relax, everything doesn’t need to be perfect and the opinions or advice of others is usually crap. Find what works for you not them.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
After my first babe I was struggling and needed to feel like a person again. I forgot about myself and I needed to remember that I was still more than just a parent. I needed to not only accept my new body, but find the power in it. I loved the mission behind the 4th Trimester Bodies Project. This photo was taken after my second child was born. I now have one more.
My second child was also my second cesarean (my FAILED VBAC). I was so upset and anxious after being told you need to have another cesarean and that feeling stayed with me for a long time. I actually had an anxiety attack on the operating table. I had given up control over my body again, when I knew I could do it. I walked into the hospital at 9cm and interventions were immediately pushed on me. I had never met the midwife before and she walked in, took one look at me asked me my height and weight, walked away and said I couldn’t give birth naturally. I denied the interventions repeatedly and then was told well if you do this you’ll have baby in 15 minutes. That didn’t happen and after around 10 more hours of labor, I was told I had to go in for another cesarean my “trial of labor after cesarean” was over. I was devastated and it led me back to my 4th Tri group.
I now have one more child and it was supposed to be my healing birth. I successfully delivered at home, but it was a precipitous birth with a little hiccup. I love being able to say, I proved those people wrong and did what I knew I my body could do. I still have fears for the next birth (if there is one) and am worried about the likelihood of another precipitous birth.