Rebecca Delgado

Rebecca Delgado (34), Javier (7), Gloria (5), Austin (3), and Vann (1)

Oak Park, IL

Rebecca shares - 

"I have always been okay with my body. Most days before motherhood I was happy with it. After becoming a mom my body is no longer my own. I have been pregnant or breastfeeding for almost 8 years. I love everything it has done to make me a mother and to help me so far through motherhood.

The first time around, birth and becoming a mom was nothing like I imagined. After a difficult delivery I didn't remember much about it. I was so happy he was out and safe, I basically blocked out the bad stuff. I knew the basics but it wasn't until my doctor and husband filled me in that I could remember it.

Because of that labor my son had physical therapy until he was 18 months and surgery before his second birthday. I had cesarean births for the rest. After my forth I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and I just kind of become numb to it all. Just talking about it made me feel better and with help from my doctor and finding the right meds I have been a lot better. I never would have thought my last eight years would have included non-stop breastfeeding and four kids.

I have been following {this movement} for a while now. I express self love to mamas everyday. Showing motherhood in the raw like this is so beautiful. Now that I am done having kids I figured it was the perfect time."

Rebekah Lane

Rebekah Lane (29), Melanie (10), Cameron (August 03, 2011 to October 30, 2011), Isaiah (4), Adalynn (2).

Abilene, TX | Washington, DC

Rebekah is a previous project participant, you can view her original photo and story here. 

Rebekah shares - 

"My first son Cameron was 2 months and 27 days old when he fell asleep for a nap and never woke up. He should be 6 years old today. His loss has forever changed me both for the better or worse. I struggle with anxiety and PTSD, but I have also become a much more sensitive, kind, and caring person, and above all, I try to live everyday to the fullest because he didn't get to.

Parenthood has definitely made me more mindful of the way I think and talk about my body. As a teenager and after my first two pregnancies, I had such a negative body image, and I did not try to hide it. As my oldest daughter became older, I realized I never wanted her to speak about her body the way I was speaking about mine. Everyday I make a conscious effort to change. It has helped that my body image has improved after my last two pregnancies with my "rainbow babies." The process of giving birth again after loss provided a great deal of healing, not just in my soul, but in the way I saw my body. My body was still able to give birth and give life after death, and for the first time in my adult life, I was incredibly proud of my body and its abilities. Breastfeeding Isaiah and Addy has also increased my confidence. The ability of my body to comfort and nourish both of them separately as well as tandem nursing them for almost two years has helped my body image as much as their pregnancies and births. I still have my insecure moments, but I have become so much more comfortable in my skin.

With my first three children, the postpartum period did not seem like a big deal. My body has always recovered well from delivery. Of course I did have some emotional issues with all of them. I was a single mother with Melanie, I experienced infant loss and grief with Cam, and I experienced anxiety and a large amount of fear with Isaiah, but I never really felt like I had any specific postpartum emotional issues. With Addy, I expected the same, a good physical recovery along with the standard issues of parenting after loss, the anxiety and fear I had experienced before.

However, I was so much more emotional. Constantly tearful. I was having problems keeping up the demands of my life, and I felt like a failure. I knew something was not right, but I didn't want to admit it, so I was constantly putting off contact with the outside world because I didn't want anyone to know. I was ashamed. Finally I broke down, and went and saw my midwife. She and some special friends helped me realize that getting the help I needed was a strength, not a weakness. She started me on medication that I continued for the whole first year of Adalynn's life. I don't know how we all would have ended up without that help.

My last baby girl is almost three, and I am coming to terms that this body will never again be changed by a tiny human growing inside it. I am also coming to the end of my breastfeeding journey which is extremely bittersweet, and I would be extremely grateful to capture this fleeting moment in our lives. I am so proud of what this project represents, and I hope we can change perceptions for my daughters and all the other girls and show that all bodies are amazing and beautiful.

Alex Van Putten

Alex Van Putten (29), Miles (2) and David (4 days old)

Portland, OR | Photographed in Seattle, WA

Alex shares - 

"My strength has always been one of the most important aspects of my self-image and my confidence. I enjoy using my body, I enjoy being a fit person, and I have always dedicated physical, intellectual, and spiritual energy towards living an active life. For me, my lifestyle has not only been about living life to the fullest and appreciating the abled body that I have been given, but it has also been an intentional effort for me to feel safe – I’m a rather small woman and I’ve spent most of my life being aware of my vulnerabilities.

During my first pregnancy, vulnerable is all that I felt. Suddenly, I was too tired to be active. When I did find the energy, my body couldn’t respond how it used to. My brain couldn’t remember how to engage in any of the intellectual or spiritual activities that I had previously enjoyed. I felt depressed, I felt unsafe everywhere I went, I felt grief for the loss of myself. This grief possessed me for a long time after my son was born. Once I started emerging slightly from the fog, I came to realize that my husband had been grieving too and we doubled down on working to repair us.

With our second child, I hope that we are stronger and more prepared for the emotional instability, the lack of intimacy, the winding and crisscrossing paths of self-realization that we now know we need to be walking together. This second pregnancy has been healthier for all of us. My body is still weak and fragile, but I am a stronger person despite it. My toddler and my husband have helped me to stay focused on who I am and what’s important in this short, wonderful life and I can’t wait for us to share and grow in our love as a family.

I have been following this project for several months and I appreciate that the conversation includes so much that I think society prefers new parents to not talk about. I love the art and I love the dedication to providing a voice to those who feel silenced, isolated, confused. I have had a hard time connecting with women through motherhood yet I have felt a primal need to feel this connection. I want to show my son what strength and beauty look like and I am excited to have photographs to remind me of my own strength, my own beauty, my own struggles.

The emotions, the hormones, the relationships - all of these will be affected and all will change in ways you can't possibly imagine. Being prepared is simply not possible, but how you respond to the unexpected has a far reaching impact. Brace yourself against the tides, focus on who and what is important in your life, understand that you may not have much control and work with what you're given to make the best of it. Lean on those who love you, love as passionately as you can muster, and never forget about loving yourself.

Andrea Altomaro

Andrea Altomaro (32), Benji (3), and Theo (8 months)

Detroit, MI

Andrea shares - 

"Being a midwife myself, I had so much anxiety over the process of trying to conceive. I overthought everything. Luckily, I was able to get pregnant easily both times.

I feel like my body image has actually improved since giving birth. I'm definitely in better shape now than I was before I had kids. I think having kids has motivated me to be in the best health possible. I want to be around for them for a long time! I also had gestational diabetes with my first pregnancy. After losing a significant amount of weight before getting pregnant the second time, I didn't get gestational diabetes during that pregnancy. I worried a lot about my increased risk of getting type 2 diabetes after having GDM, so I made a lot of lifestyle changes.

After having Theo last year, I was really inspired by my mother-in-law to go vegan. She had made that lifestyle change for her health, and it really got me thinking about my long-term health, as well as how veganism can impact the planet. I would be lying if I didn't mention that I also really wanted to lose the rest of my pregnancy weight, too. I missed feeling strong and confident, like I had felt after my first pregnancy with Benji. I think, though, I care less about how I might look in a bathing suit, with my sagging skin and my stretch marks, and more about how strong and healthy I feel when I'm eating a plant-based diet and working out regularly.

I was surprised at how physically well my body felt after giving birth both times, but I'm not sure that anything could have prepared me for the exhaustion. Benji was a very particular baby; he needed to be held at all times. He would only sleep while touching me. I was overwhelmed, and couldn't help but feel some disappointment that I had gotten an epidural during his labor. It made me feel a little bit like a failure. I'm a midwife! I am supposed to be able to do this! Then I struggled with breastfeeding. I had a breast reduction when I was 22. The surgeon didn't really say much about future breastfeeding except that 'it would probably be fine.' As someone who was not even in a relationship at the time, and who had no idea that nurse midwifery was on the horizon for me, I didn't think twice about having the surgery. I remember crying in my pediatrician's office 5 days after having Benji. I was crying first because I failed at having an unmedicated birth, and now I was failing at breastfeeding. We had to start supplementing him when he was 4 days old. I ended up working with an amazing IBCLC, and she helped me to see that breastfeeding does not have to be all or nothing. I was able to nurse Benji until he was 2.5. He weaned himself when I was around 30 weeks pregnant with Theo.

I felt a lot more prepared going into Theo's birth. I had doubts about my ability to have an unmedicated birth, but I had the most amazing support team. My best friend, who I met in midwifery school, was the one to catch Theo. She was by my side through my entire labor. I had the most amazing doula. My husband was my rock. My mother-in-law was quiet and supportive. The only downside of Theo's birth was that my own mother wasn't able to be there, because she had surgery the day before I went into labor. I had the unmedicated birth I had dreamed of, and I felt so strong and powerful.

Theo is a pretty chill baby. After experiencing a needy baby the first time, Theo seemed like a breeze. I didn't know why I felt so anxious all the time, though. I kept writing it off as normal adjustment, or thinking that it would pass soon. There were nights that Theo was sleeping, and I would lay awake worrying about all sorts of irrational fears. What if the curtains catch on fire in Benji's room and I don't get to him in time? What if my husband and kids get in a car accident on the way to day care? I cried a LOT. I felt guilty for feeling so bad all the time when I had this easy, laid back baby, a smart and funny toddler, and a supportive husband. Thankfully, I opened up to a midwife colleague of mine, and started counseling and medication, and I'm feeling so relieved to be feeling like myself again.

I have wanted to participate in this movement since I first heard about the 4th Trimester Bodies Project, which is even before I had children! I love the idea of honoring our bodies and everything they have accomplished. There were many times in my life that I would have never imagined participating in a project like this. I've had a lot of negative thoughts about my body throughout my life, and only now as an adult and a mother, am I finally embracing my body for all that it has done and all that it can do. I want to be an example in showing my children that all bodies are beautiful.

There is no perfect way to birth a baby, and there is no perfect way to parent. Ask for help postpartum. Finally, take time for yourself. Self-care isn't selfish. I'm a better parent when I've been able to take even just a few minutes for myself each day."