Katie Klein (32) and Carla (2.5)
Katie is a previous project participant, you can view her photo and story from 2017 here.
Seattle, WA | Madison, WI
Katie shares -
“I had a miscarriage in July 2018 at 8 weeks pregnant. I noticed spotting and bleeding, then called doctor and went in for an ultrasound. I had a gut feeling something was wrong, and it turned out I was miscarrying. I felt so sad, so upset and overwhelmed with emotion. I knew this was common, but it hurt so much more than I ever thought it would. My doctor, family, friends and husband were amazing and provided so much love and support.
I decided to miscarry at home naturally. This was one of the hardest things, emotionally and physically I have ever done. Focusing on my wonderful daughter and deep breathing helped me get through the actual act of miscarrying. I knew my body was strong from delivering Carla but damn, I have a new respect for my body. My anxiety I have just recently addressed within the last year got really intense after the miscarriage, I didn't want to leave my husband or daughters side, I was in a fog and upset. But leaning in on my village of friends, family, therapist and lots of reflecting got my out of that fog. I am allowing to feel all the feelings that I am going through and to let myself grieve, and find a new normal. It will take time, my heart still hurts, I am still fresh out in it but the journey of life is still going on and I am so thankful I have my spirited, strong willed and sweet daughter who is the love of my life.
I know that I will never have my "Pre baby body," nor should I expect that. My body grew a human and that is pretty damn cool. Yes, I do have some insecurities at times and do struggle at times feeling 100 % confident in my body but those are small moments. I see my body as a strong home for my daughter and any future child we may have. I remind myself to be kind to myself when I feel insecure and look at the journey my body has been on.
A long birth with drugs, Pitocin, then ending with forceps wasn't my plan for my birth, then miscarrying naturally at home wasn't my plan either. But my respect for my body, any women's body and the human body has grown. I want Carla to be proud of her body and respect her body, I was to SHOW her how to do that by example.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom somehow, either birthing my own children or adopting. I knew I would love my child but after becoming a mom, I love my daughter more than I ever thought I could. Emotionally I felt good after birth until we started struggling with breastfeeding, I was so tired, my daughter wasn't sleeping and she was eating small amount ALL day and night. I expected breastfeeding to be easy but it wasn't for Carla and I.
At 4 months she was losing weight and we realized my milk supply was low and we introduced formula and that was a game changer for our family. Baby was sleeping and I was sleeping, I did have some guilt for not being able to produce milk for my child but I took a step back and realized this was what worked for our family.
I finally addressed my anxiety about a year ago, it took almost two years for me to realize that between becoming a mom and some major life changes in our lives (moving across country for my husbands work). I was just as proud of myself for seeking help from a therapist as I was giving birth. I have an amazing village and I honestly think that helped my adjust to motherhood. I have some amazing mother role models in my life, including my mom, sister and so many others and I love learning from them, they have helped me in more ways then they know. Some days I feel like I have a good grip on parenthood, other days I cry and feel like I have no idea what I am doing. I knew parenthood but would hard but it is harder than I thought. A lot of thought and time goes into being a good parent, I think we all need to give ourselves a grace and realize we are doing our best.
I choose to participate in this movement because I believe what Ashlee is doing is amazing. I love real, honest stories. Birth and motherhood isn't always easy but sharing and normalizing reality is important for all of us navigating our way through life in this society. Our bodies are amazing and beautiful no matter what size, color, or gender you are. I am also participating to help myself heal from my miscarriage. Sharing my story was really hard and a process for me to get though it but if it helps others hear you are not alone I want to share it. I want to show Carla how to love herself and really be who you want to be.’