Sarah Page (35 - she/her). Mother to Roman (5), Gabriel (Would be 2), RIVER (23 mo) , currently pregnant.
Montana | Minneapolis, MN
We had an early miscarriage after trying for a year to conceive our first child. Our second son, Gabriel, was stillborn at 20 weeks due to PPROM (Preterm premature rupture of membranes). No cause was ever found for his loss.
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Pregnancies have been rough on my body with significant weight gain (to the tune of 50+lb per pregnancy), fluid retention, varicose veins, fatigue, and ultimately feeling very deconditioned. When walking up a flight of stairs or finishing a long winded conversation leaves you breathless, THAT is when you know your body has changed! I recall getting dressed many times and not wanting to look in to the mirror, both with pregnancies and the months following postpartum. However, I am in awe of the female body's ability to create and sustain life and have tried to embrace that these physical changes must take place to conquer these profound goals.
If anything, parenthood has impacted my body image in a way that pushes me to challenge my physical limits in quest for a stronger body. As a fitness instructor, I am always on a mission to inspire others to chase their fitness goals, and by doing so, I stay accountable to my own. After each pregnancy, I used my determined nature to apply myself towards transforming my body back to it's pre-pregnancy state of fitness. It has NOT been easy, and each time it has taken about 18 months, but I am determined to stay in great physical shape in order to keep up with my super active and athletic little boys. My strong boys need a strong mama to raise them!
What is your truth?
My one piece of truth is that NONE of us are immune to the horrible statistics of pregnancy and baby loss. Thinking back to my innocent, naive self before losing Gabriel, I knew people who had lost pregnancies and babies, but never really gave a second thought to it. It was as if their story was their own, but had no impact or reflection upon mine. We were healthy, young, educated, no family history of fertility of pregnancy issues. Why would I assume that baby loss could happen to me? Even now, two years after losing our son, I have a hard time accepting an invitation to a baby shower, or celebrating a pregnancy announcement (heck, I have a hard time even celebrating my OWN pregnancy announcements). It feels so naive, so mistakenly innocent, so joyful without any reservation or acknowledgment of potential impending life-changing disaster. When you are a broken-hearted mother, every pregnancy feels like it has the bait of fate dangling out in front of it. It is hard to not wonder which minute, which day, or which month the world might come crashing down. These isolating thoughts can be a heavy weight to carry when you know that other's do not understand your truth.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I have been following this movement for over a year, and I absolutely love it's mission to honor all the different faces and bodies of motherhood. No two mothers, nor two stories look the same, but at the end of the day we all share the same struggles with body image and accepting the chances that pregnancy has bestowed upon on. 4th Trimester Bodies Project has captured the beauty of motherhood through the art of photography and storytelling in a bold and unique way that has challenged the societal norm and invited mothers out of their comfort zone to take a chance at capturing their truth in a deeply intimate way.