Anna Schwartz (32 - she/her) and Eloise (5). View Anna’s original image from 2018 here.
Buffalo, NY
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Parenthood has mostly been a positive thing for my body image. Prior to having my daughter, I wasn't very connected to my body--for lots of different reasons--but it just wasn't on my radar most of the time. And when it was, I mostly felt shame.. Which is really sad when I think about it. Since having her and becoming more "enlightened" around a lot of areas--my sexuality, my physical health, my spirituality--I now feel strongly that it is important to cultivate a relationship with your body in which you respect and listen to the messages its constantly sending you and give it what it needs. I try to encourage that for my daughter's relationship with her body as well. It’s hard some days though. The other day, she made a comment about how she is getting "chubby" and I just about cried. Later during bedtime, I realized the book we were reading from when I was a kid used the word "chubby" and it made a lot more sense. We had a good discussion about whats important when it comes to the health of our bodies.
What was your postpartum experience?
I wish I could go back and record more of how I felt because honestly it was such a blur I don't remember very many specifics. I don't think I knew myself as well as I do now, so it almost feels like it happened to another person. I would do things differently now. I would be more mindful, kind to myself, slow down and try to feel less pressure to achieve certain things each day. I remember vividly experiencing a little moment of panic when Eloise fell asleep for naps because I would have a list of maybe 10 things I hoped to get done in that time, when realistically all I could do was shower--if that. I wished I would have just breathed more. Sat more. Taken more in.
What is one piece of knowledge you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
Definitely slow down and take it all in. Thats hard to do when you're stressed and crunched for time, but seriously. In 5 years, you're not going to care if the laundry was done. You'll remember the time you spent gazing at your baby in the backyard when there was a slight warm breeze and the sun was just so. It'll all get done when it gets done.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
When I participated last year, it was just before I was to have surgery to get a catheter placed in my abdomen in order to start dialysis for kidney failure. That seems like years ago and I feel like I was a completely different person back then. I was terrified to have that surgery and start dialysis. It was the ultimate sign of defeat. No longer would my body be able to keep me alive. I would need to rely on a machine. As it turns out, relying on a machine hasn't been too bad. I call her Felicia. I look forward to the day I get the call for a kidney and I can say "BYE FELICIA!" But until then, she gives me energy, hope, a sense of renewal each night. We work together.
I wanted to participate in this project again with my daughter because I want her to be proud of her body, her soul, her whole being, no matter what life throws her. It’s about acceptance and pride for the hand we are dealt. We can't exchange the cards we are given, but we can work hard as hell to make the most of what we've got. For 5 generations, my father's side of the family has been decimated by a rare genetic mutation causing kidney failure. Generation after generation we have shown resiliency and exuberance in the face of incredible loss and trauma. By becoming allies with our bodies, listening to them, trusting them, and giving them what they need to grow--not only physically but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually--we can change how we experience hardship and how we experience being human.