Hallie Cohen (27 - she/her), Micah (3), and Naomi (1). View Hallie’s previous photos and story from 2018 here.
Buffalo, NY
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
I am not really sure what changed for me. I wouldn't be able to tell someone else what shifted or what I did. It feels like someone just invaded my brain, yanked out all of the horrible things I used to say or think about myself, and replaced it with contentment and calm. I think my body is so cool and I love it. Those are words I would have never said before my kids were born. I feel so grateful for all of the parts of me, even the parts I used to wish away. When I get ready to take on my crazy busy, full hearted days of parenting and life I look in the mirror and see the strong, capable, and passionate mama that I am. I still have negative thoughts but I just try my best to meet them with compassion. My squishy belly does not incite a deep hatred. I have sparks of ambition pulling me (very slowly) towards exercise because I want to feel strong, vital and healthy. I want both my kids to know self love, I want them both to only know this peace that is just now starting to set in for me. Also I still have moments or days when my anxiety is crippling or when I feel really sad or down. Just seems like growth isn't linear, and knowing that is comforting.
What was your postpartum experience?
My two postpartum experiences were drastically different. With my first it was as if time was moving at a snails pace, my second is a little over a year and it literally flew by. Having my daughter I knew what to expect and that definitely made things easier. But no matter what, having a baby is so hard!
I had three bouts of mastitis within her first four months. My husband got a new job, and then switched jobs, and we bought a house and then moved to said house all before our baby turned one. Life was busy and things are only starting to settle now, fourteen months later. I still feel very much postpartum. Lately in the fleeting quiet moments I have found my eyes just welling with tears. My heart is aching to find more of those moments. I try to hold space for myself but alas, a tiny person usually needs me. I don't know whats next for me or who I am other than mom and wife. Sometimes the idea of figuring it out leaves me paralyzed, other times I feel invigorated and inspired. I can feel our family shifting away from the survival mode of the first year and its bittersweet.
What is your truth?
So I took a look at what I wrote the last time I did this project and i'm really happy to say that this still is totally what I believe....There are so many truths, and they are all true. we just have to choose which ones we want to align ourselves with. There isn't one way. This parenthood gig comes with a billion opinions on how it should be done. I have been doing what feels right and good. The biggest thing is not to be afraid to change your mind about what you thought before. To expand and transition as needed. Flexibility and patience are key. Motherhood has taught me these lessons but I'm pretty sure they apply to life with or without children. In addition, I don't really know anything, not sure anyone really does. Just doing my best.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
At both 4th trimester Bodies Project shoots I spoke about being formerly apart of an orthodox Jewish community and what that meant for me as far as covering up versus not. But that is not at all why I chose to participate in this movement. It felt relevant to share as its a huge part of my story, but being religious never made me feel oppressed. It was fully an empowered choice to cover myself and it was also an empowered choice to uncover myself. Both were accompanied by positive self growth and healing. both were conscious, thought out and deliberate choices. I chose to participate in this movement because I believe in it. I chose to do it because It felt good to me, and right. I chose to do it because it is an opportunity to reflect, share and connect with others, which ironically are sort of the same reasons I was religious. I guess I like being a part of something greater. I hope that my story and words might inspire someone else to share theirs.