Kim Borchert

Kim Borchert (42 - she/her) mother to Seth (15), Amelia (13), Liberty (11), Elliott (8), Zachary (6), Emma (12/15/02-8/23/03)

You can view Kim’s previous image and story from 2014 here.

Austin, TX

“(I’ve had) one loss; Emma, age 8 months, 8 days. She was a cesarean because she was footling breech when my water broke. She helped me find my passion for birth work, and because of her, I am a doula and childbirth educator.

One month after her sudden and unexpected death, I became pregnant with Seth. He was not only my Rainbow baby, but my HBAC (Homebirth after Cesarean) baby.

How has parenthood impacted your body image? 

I had 6 babies in 10 1/2 years. For that entire time, I felt such hatred toward my body. I could never see the good and the fact that I was able to not only carry to term, but birth and nourish my babies. Instead, I carried an intense hatred and loathing toward my body. I was always very conscious to never say anything about my body in front of my children and thought that was good enough.

When my oldest daughter got closer to puberty I realized what I was doing was not enough. I needed to start loving my body, being comfortable in my skin, and SHOWING my children actively what it looks like to truly love myself. It was something I had never been shown by my own Mother, and is a constant work in progress.

What was your postpartum experience?

My postpartum experience was different with all of my children.

When Emma was born, I felt so confident. I'd been an Aunt since I was 13 and had 14 nieces and nephews. I had seen newborns breastfeed, so I knew what to expect there. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep and I was ok with that. I was a little anxious and my depression didn't get worse than it was before she was born.

While I had some form of anxiety with all, but the worst was with Seth and Zachary. Seth was born just 10 months after Emma died. He truly grew in grief and I was terrified of losing him too. There were many times I left him at home with my husband, just to turn around and come back because of the invasive thoughts. I was so lucky to find an amazing bereavement counselor who helped me navigate that time in my life.

The next 3 children came and my postpartum moods were more similar to what I experienced after Emma's birth. Some anxiety, but my depression was manageable. When Zachary came though, my world was completely turned upside down. When he was born, he needed resuscitation. His 1 minute APGAR score was a 1 and by 9 minutes old, he was perfect. But I kept going back to that 9 minutes where I held him as my midwives worked on him and pleaded with God and Emma to make him stay.

I didn't think it really effected me much until recently when I have looked back on that time. I realize now that my postpartum anxiety was directly linked to his immediate postpartum period.

My postpartum depression and anxiety lasted for 2 years after I had Zachary and made me truly realize I could not have any more babies.

What is your truth? 

It's ok to be big. In our society we are taught to be of value, we must be small, and accommodating, and to not inconvenience anyone. In life though, we HAVE to be big. We have to take up space, both physically and energetically. This is what we need to do to have a baby and to raise that baby. AND when we all start allowing ourselves to be big, our children will see it is ok and won't place value on their ability to be small.

Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?

I have known Ash longer than 4th Trimester Bodies has been around. I would go to the ends of the Earth to support this beautiful human and this work. I want someone to see my picture and say, "Hey, she is beautiful and looks like me". We don't see enough of that in our world.

Constance Gibbs

Constance Gibbs (33 - she/her) and Charlotte Anne (16 months)

Encinitas, California | Columbia, MO

“I have been pregnant three times but only have one child earthside. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at seven weeks, five days. I found out during a routine ultrasound at eight weeks when the baby did not have a heartbeat. It was devastating. I chose to have a D&C a few days later. I then got pregnant with my daughter and experienced a subchorionic hematoma (SCH) in the first trimester. After a few terrifying weeks, the bleeding went away on its own. So when I started bleeding during my third pregnancy this summer, I desperately hoped it would go away. But, the bleeding did not stop. I bled for two weeks and finally miscarried naturally at home, sitting on the toilet in my bathroom. Miscarriage is very lonely and isolating. I used to think the hardest part is un-telling family and friends about the baby. But now I know the hardest part is trying to conceive after loss. It requires a lot of strength to heal your body physically and mentally and dive headfirst into the trauma that caused your pain in the first place. I’m still waiting for my second rainbow baby.

How has parenthood impacted your body image?

I felt like my body was not my own during pregnancy, birth and postpartum. I so badly wanted a healthy child. But miscarriage robbed me of any joy in pregnancy, and instead I was filled with anxiety and fear. My plan was to have an unmedicated birth, and I switched care from my OB to a hospital birth center in my second trimester. But at 36 weeks, I found out my daughter was footling breech. I tried everything to get her to turn head down including going to the chiropractor, laying on an ironing board with my feet in the air and doing handstands in the pool. But she did not turn. At 39 weeks, I had a scheduled cesarean birth. I was so relieved when I heard her first cry. I remember it felt like hours, but in reality it was only a few seconds.

What was your postpartum experience?

I felt like I had been robbed of a normal pregnancy and birth, so I was determined to breastfeed my daughter. It seemed like the only thing I had control over. But, I did not realize how all-consuming breastfeeding would be and how little control I actually had. The only thing I thought about was the last time my daughter ate and when she needed to eat again. Many moms told me that their baby weight melted off them while they breastfed, but I felt the opposite. I had to eat and drink constantly to produce enough milk. I went back to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave and had to be very diligent about pumping sessions and putting my baby first, which meant skipping meetings and missing out on lunch dates with coworkers. Toward the end, I was eating oatmeal and drinking Gatorade every day, and pumping after my daughter went to bed, just to make enough ounces for her to drink the next day. It was physically and emotionally exhausting, but it was everything to me to meet my goal. We made it to 14 months of breastfeeding! Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but the thing of which I am most proud.

What is one piece of knowledge you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?

Don’t quit on your hardest day. There are going to be hard days. A lot of them. But you’re doing a good job! You’re doing what is best for you and your baby. And that’s all that matters.

Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?

I found a ton of postpartum and breastfeeding support in the Instagram community including through the 4th Trimester Bodies Project. Without these parents, I would have quit on my hardest day. But, I didn’t, and I’m proud of myself for not quitting. I wanted to be a part of 4TBP because I think the participants are so strong and resilient, and I want to acknowledge that I am strong and resilient, too, even if I don’t feel like that most days.

Tara Curley

The amazing Tara Curly with her daughter Saoirse (14), twins Cillian and Alannah (8) and twins Donnacha and Oisin (10 months). Tara was pregnant with Saoirse in university. She had a normal pregnancy with a long labor, which required much medical intervention. Tara didn't feel like she was not given many choices since she was so young and was determined for her next pregnancy and birth to go differently. She found out she was having fraternal twins but had a healthy twin pregnancy. They arrived at 34 weeks and Cillian was born without issue but Alannah got stuck in her cord and had a bit of trouble. They were born small but healthy until 10 days later when they caught a virus in NICU. Both stopped breathing within 24 hours and were on full life support. Alannah was in a drug induced coma for over 2 weeks. She was finally able to take them home at 12 weeks. They had sleep apnea for their first 12 months and stopped breathing every 4-5 hours. By 2 years old they were totally healthy and had caught up with their peers. She learned she was having a second set of twins when she conceived Donnacha and Oisin and was determined to get it all right this time. She carried until exactly 37 weeks which had been her goal. Donnacha was born vaginally without complication but Oisin stretched out and became footling breech. He wouldn't budge and Tara ended up having an emergency cesarean birth the day after Donnacha was born giving her twins two separate birthdays. The boys were both very healthy and Tara was able to take them home after 48 hours.