Blayne Blandford (38 - she/her), Briley (9), Briggs (5), and Britton (10 mos)
Austin, TX
“When Briley was about 18 mos we moved to be closer to my family. I was hoping to have kids about 2 years apart but we ended up living with my parents for about 6 months because we couldn't sell our house. My husband didn't want to try to get pregnant until we had our own place (understandably) so it took longer than I had hoped to try again. When we did, I got pregnant quickly only to have two first trimester losses in the span of a year. We named those babies Brody and Brady. It was a difficult period as I had no trouble getting and staying pregnant the first time, and I had lots of friends getting pregnant and having babies around that time.
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Right now I weigh the most I have ever weighed, including at 9 months pregnant. In a way it has put my insecurities in perspective - when I look back at times in the past when I wasn't happy with my body and think how I would love to look that way now! I don't even really like my husband to see me naked. I try to hide those feelings for the sake of my kids because I don't want them to worry about their appearance. I wear form fitting clothes and sometimes even bikinis in an effort to send a positive message to my kids, and especially my daughter.
When I breastfed my daughter, the baby weight just melted away. I ended up thinner than I had been before I got pregnant. I ate well, was pretty active, and was in my 20s. I had a very positive relationship with breastfeeding, but weaned when she was about 15 months because I just felt done. My middle child was a different experience. He would not sleep without being attached to my boob. In spite of breastfeeding around the clock, rather than losing weight I gained. I felt too tired to exercise or meal plan, and ended up eating out a lot. When he was around 7 months old I reached a breaking point with the bed sharing and moved him into his own room. I was (and still am) working full time as a nurse, and I wasn't getting enough sleep to work 12 hour shifts. He remained very attached to nursing and continued until just after he turned 3. I felt that my son needed my body, my husband wanted my body, and there was nothing left for me.
Finally just before my son turned 4, I got into a routine of exercising and eating well again. I felt better than I had in years. I had energy, I was sleeping, I was losing weight, and I felt strong and healthy. About 6 months in, I unexpectedly became pregnant again. My third is now 10 months old and I think its safe to say I have felt all the emotions. I am back to being too tired to exercise, too tired to meal plan, and now add in two older kids who have big opinions on what we eat. I am back to feeling like my body is not my own. I have grown better at being assertive in what I need, and my husband has grown to be a better partner this time around, but I still feel like I am in a fog that I won't get out of any time soon.
What was your postpartum experience?
I really couldn't have asked for better birth experiences all three times. I was surrounded by exactly the people that I needed and for the most part, everything went just as I hoped. My mom stayed with me for a week after my oldest was born to help me figure out being a mom. Breastfeeding came naturally. She just wasn't that into sleeping. The endless nights of pacing and rocking made me feel that I might lose my sanity. Overall I don't remember my postpartum period after my first being particularly difficult. With my second, it was definitely harder. I wasn't used to staying home and taking it easy. At this point we lived in the same town as my mom but she was working and didn't have time to stay with us. I remember feeling more alone. My body wasn't bouncing back the way it had the time before and I had incontinence that wasn't going away. Now with my third, I do feel that age and experience has made for a better postpartum period. I'm now assertive enough to be able to tell my husband what I need from him. Breastfeeding wasn't as easy this time around but I knew what my resources were and was able to access them. Most of all, I understood the importance of rest and self care. It also didn't hurt that this baby slept - until i went back to work that is.
What is your truth?
You are the parent that your child needs. Try to be your best self - that is all they want from you. That means don't compare yourself to the parents who are hand sewing Halloween costumes and planning Pinterest perfect birthday parties if that is not your thing. That also means that if you need to take some time away from your kids to exercise, get a massage, read an adult book, or play a video game, then do it! If it recharges you and makes you a better person, then it makes you a better parent. Finally, let go of the idea of how things "should" be. I was definitely a Pinterest party mom with my first. My second was thrilled with his Chuck E Cheese party. My pre-kids self would have probably rolled her eyes at that, but my priorities changed and that's ok.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I have seen these images for years and always loved them. I'm attracted to the idea that a parent (or a child, or a relationship) doesn't need to look a certain way to be beautiful. I also tell my kids that they are beautiful no matter what, and I want to put my money where my mouth is in a sense. My body has done exactly what I needed it to in the sense of growing, birthing, and nourishing these babies and I am trying to love it even if its round or squishy in ways that I don't love.