Kathryn Winston

The gorgeous Kathryn Winston and her daughter Eponine Ryan (8 months).

Kathryn never thought she could get pregnant so when she did it was quite a surprise. While her pregnancy was healthy, it was difficult for her due to her history of issues with her body. Kathryn was abused growing up and was constantly told by her adoptive parents that she needed to be thinner to be successful and that she wasn't good enough. About a year after Kathryn's wedding she went on the HCG diet and dropped about 55 lbs in three months. She felt great but it's then that she found out she was pregnant. After working so hard to get her weight down, seeing her body change was incredibly painful to her. She wasn't able to see her growing belly as something positive, she just saw it as fat and watching the numbers on the scale climb back up was difficult. She enjoyed feeling her daughter move and kick but she had a very hard time accepting the changes.

Kathryn was planning a home birth and her midwife didn't weigh her when she came in and told her to not look at the scale at home because it was causing her distress. She ended up carrying to about 42 weeks but Kathryn still wasn't going into labor. She tried all of the old wives tales she could think of before trying castor oil. Her labor finally started and while contractions were intense they would stop in the afternoon, pick up during the night, only to stop the next day. On day four she went to the midwife for a check to find that she was 7cms dilated and had been in true labor the whole time. She labored at home but contractions stopped when she got in the water. Eponine's position had shifted and she was stuck. Kathryn laid in new positions to try to get her to shift over several hours but her baby still wasn't moving and she wasn't progressing any further. They ultimately transferred to hospital where she labored for 12+ more hours. They started pitcoin, gave her an epidural which wore off in 30 minutes and she found the entire hospital experience to be horrible. Kathryn was left to labor alone, her heart rate was dropping, she was screaming and her husband was terrified and no one was helping them. They'd tried everything to try to get her baby out when the doctor finally came in and said they needed to try a vacuum or cesarean. She asked what he would do and she was told that if she were his daughter, he'd recommend a cesarean due to the baby's size and position. Kathryn agreed and her daughter was born happy and healthy very soon after.

Kathryn was okay while in hospital but realized very soon after coming home that she wasn't okay and she wasn't prepared. Within days she'd slipped into a postpartum depression that was so dark she had thoughts of harming her daughter. She started taking her encapsulated placenta as soon as she got it back and found it to be life saving. Soon everything changed and she started to feel a lot better about herself and her daughter. Kathryn continues to struggle with her weight which has affected her breastfeeding relationship. She says that every day she wakes up is a struggle, she wonders if she should skip meals or try a new diet and hopes that her daughter never, ever has to deal with the same concerns that she has. Kathryn says that Eponine is absolutely everything to her and that she wouldn't change anything except possibly going back and enjoying her pregnancy more. "In a world where nothing is certain, and women are judged constantly for not being perfect I need my daughter to understand that she is perfect, and I need to realize and see that I am perfect to the ones that matter."

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Madison Young

The marvelous Madison Young and sweet baby Astrid. Madison says that she always wanted to be mother. Ever since she was a little girl she's planned to parent, stay home with her children and homeschool them. It was so important to her that she made sure to discuss children with new partners as she dated them. She always thought motherhood would be something that was carefully planned for so it was quite a shock when she and her current partner conceived unexpectedly. She struggled with the consideration of abortion while knowing it wasn't what she wanted but also feeling like it was something she couldn't talk openly about. They chose to keep their child and she was incredibly sick with hyperemisis gravidarum through much of her pregnancy. She struggled with her mental health in the prenatal period as well and didn't feel fully supported. Madison is a survivor of childhood abuse and had a lot of issues resurface through her motherhood journey. In battling depression and anxiety, she wishes in retrospect that her care providers had discussed medications and options that were available outside of talk therapy to help her through this transition.

Madison says that even though she had a birth that was all in all what many women desire, there were many moments she felt disrespected and out of control. Intense was the best word she could find to describe it. Astrid was born in a birthing center, in the water and Madison was able to catch her and pull her up to her chest. She initiated breastfeeding but struggled to find connection with her. She felt confused and distanced and while she had expected to suddenly feel like a mother, she didn't feel. Madison continued to struggle at home with new baby and found herself unable to get up and out and do things. She just wanted to sleep and sit and she was sad and angry. When Astrid was about a month old, she developed an infection in her chest similar to mastitis and as Madison and her partner rushed her to the ER, they were in a car accident. They spent the weekend in the hospital and Astrid had to undergo surgery. There was a moment in the experience of Madison having to hand her daughter over for the operation and then getting her back that flooded her with those feelings she'd been waiting for at her birth. She like Astrid's mother. She felt connected.

Madison has since begun taking medication for her depression and anxiety though she laments how long it took for someone to help her identify that she was actually depressed. She and Astrid continue to have a breastfeeding relationship and Madison is enjoying it more now than when she was a newborn. While she is still trying to get a place where she can say she loves herself and doesn't feel guilty, where she knows it's not the fault it's here goal to get there. She's doing this for herself and for her daughter in hopes that someday she look back on this and see what a badass her mom is and was.

Rebecca Norlin

The phenomenal Rebecca Norlin with her 18 month old son, Skylar. She is also mother to her biological niece, Jessica (16). Rebecca was raised in a fundamentalist religious cult and suffered a great deal of abuse, both physical, verbal and psychologically through her upbringing as well as in her first marriage. Rebecca chose to leave her community and find freedom herself. In a very short time, Rebecca has sought counseling to help address the issues and pain left behind from her former life and has discovered who she really is. Rebecca is now a feminist, a doula, a mother. She oozes love and support and serenity for herself and women in general. She tried for a long time to get pregnant and feels that it's a blessing she never conceived with her former husband. She and her new husband discovered that she had been dealing with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and sought treatment. Their doctor prescribed Metformin and while she didn't find out until months later, she ended up conceiving her son during her first week of treatment. Rebecca dealt with her PCOS and worries of gestational diabetes throughout her pregnancy, but really enjoyed finally being pregnant with the child she had wanted for so long. Rebecca works as a birth assistant and doula and had only seen birth center and home births, so having to deliver in a hospital setting due to her high risk status was difficult. She was hospitalized at 36 weeks due to severe edema, high blood pressure, preeclampsia and bleeding concerns and ended up being induced. She didn't want to have an epidural for any reason but after labor stalled decided to consent and continued to progress. Skylar wasn't descending properly, in part due to pelvic trauma that Rebecca endured during her marriage and had to be delivered with the assistance of forceps. Rebecca had every intention of breastfeeding Skylar but dealt with more complications and ended up making her own formula for him instead and was able to forge a comfort nursing bond with him as well.