Rosie Harvey (34), Rhett (3), and Willa (9 months)
Davenport, IA
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
I think being pregnant and giving birth has been really transformative in the way I see my body. I am amazed by what my body was able to do in order to grow a whole other human and to breastfeed my children. There's a certain sacredness that I hadn't really considered before. After I had my daughter, I promised myself that I would be kind to and nonjudgmental of my body because I was feeling so empowered by what I did - and also because I want my daughter to learn to love her body. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I feel myself starting to be critical and I've learned quickly get out of that thought loop. I also think it helped that I knew what I was up against (as far as body image goes) because I have seen so many women feel worse about their bodies after they have babies... so I made up my mind that I was going to embrace every stretch mark, every extra pound, and whatever other changes I saw in my body.
What was your postpartum experience?
I don't even know how to describe postpartum in a general way. It was awesome in that I felt so powerful and amazing because I was just coming back down to earth after my birth experience. I felt like I was made to have babies and I felt so much like myself in my new role. And It was hard too. Things were hard at home because my wife had to be at work way more than we had anticipated. I was lonely because of that and I felt cheated in that way. I was carrying all of the burden of having a new baby at home. I missed the special one-on-one time with my first child after my 2nd baby was born.
I was a complete hormonal mess for the first few weeks after giving birth - I was crying all of the time for various reasons and I ran the full gamut of emotions daily. I have a mood disorder and an anxiety disorder, so I went into pregnancy and postpartum with the expectation that I may experience postpartum depression and a game plan on how to address any mental health issues that might arise. My doctors and I were on the lookout for symptoms. And I knew within the first week that I was having postpartum anxiety, so that was a struggle but luckily I was in tune with my needs and willing to ask for help. People came out of the woodwork to help me after I asked for help. What I really needed most was visitors and company, so all kinds of people visited me - even acquaintances that I had never really hung out with before.
I've also been kind of shocked at how touched out I have felt after I had our second baby. My wife was the gestational parent for our son so I did so much to ensure that I bonded and had a lot of attachment with him, like inducing lactation to breastfeed and baby wearing all the time. I felt so different after I had my daughter. We have a very healthy attachment but whenever anyone was around, I just wanted to hand her off for awhile so I could get a moment to myself or get something accomplished. I didn't do much baby wearing (and I still don’t) because I just find myself thinking "I just want some space!" My daughter is one of those babies that just does not like to be set down or physically separated from human contact, so I think that is part of why I feel more touched out this time.
What is one piece of knowledge you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
I would tell a new parent to ask for help when they need it. We should all be more willing to ask for help, no matter where we are at in our lives. It makes such a big difference. Asking for the help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. The people in your life will be happy to help you because it feels good to help. After my second baby was born, I was transparent about my postpartum anxiety and very publicly asked for help on Facebook - and I had several people privately message me to tell me how brave I was and that they wished they were able to ask for help but that they just didn't know how to do that. Just take a deep breath, a leap of faith, and ask in whatever way feels easiest.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I just think its really important to love yourself as best as you can. I know it is not easy, but maybe if we see others loving themselves in an honest kind of way then it is easier to love ourselves. There are so many unreal expectations within our society about what our bodies should look like or how we should "bounce back" after we have children. So many false narratives about what is good and what is bad, desirable or undesirable. I want to participate and share my story to move our narratives and expectations closer to what is real and natural. I want people to know they're beautiful and to celebrate their bodies, especially my own daughter.