Mary B (41 - she/her), Damon (8), Shane (6), Desmond (4), and Paxton (8 weeks)
Rockville, MD | Washington, DC
“I’ve been pregnant 10 times. The first two times were when birth control methods failed with boyfriends while I was in college. I was definitely not ready to become a parent, although being a mom was something I knew I longed to be. Both abortions were devastating and I lived with shame and sadness for many years. Fast forward to my 30th birthday when my husband and I were very happily expecting our first baby and learned the baby’s heartbeat which was strong at 9 weeks couldn’t be found at 14 weeks. Two more missed miscarriages followed and I was tortured with feeling I had caused these losses because of my abortions.
Thankfully an amazing doctor helped discover some thyroid issues and once I started meds, we had three beautiful and perfect pregnancies and children. When we found out we were expecting our fourth, it didn’t even occur to us that we could lose the baby - but we did at 13 weeks. I was gutted by the loss and we adopted a dog and decided not to try for more children...until two years later with a happy surprise pregnancy at 40. What an incredible gift this last rainbow baby has been to our family.
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Pregnancy brought so many emotions it’s hard to put into words. So many dichotomies: strength and vulnerability, excitement and worry, connection and solitude, energy and exhaustion. I was incredibly lucky to have the same supportive, kind, motherly and sisterly midwives throughout my pregnancy and birthing journeys. Our four home water births were magical - exactly what I dreamed they would be. My husband helped me feel like I could do anything and the pregnancies and births made me feel like I had superhero powers. My body has grown softer with each baby but I have never minded the softness - I have just seen it as more curves to tuck a baby into for comfort. Our bodies never cease to amaze me - how I could grow and sustain these lives just blows me away.
What was your postpartum experience?
I cocooned with each baby for a loooong time! I’m only just now coming out of my cocoon with my 8 week old. The fourth trimester is such a wild ride of learning about each other and how to begin living separately but still so primally attached. The nursing sessions and sleeplessness and rocking and cuddling and snuggling are some of my most precious memories with each baby. I bounced back physically quickly but the nursing was hard. All four babies had lip and tongue ties that made nursing quite painful for the first 5-6 weeks until it would magically disappear. These ties also brought many clogged ducts and even mastitis and thrush once. Those first weeks of breastfeeding were harder than my entire pregnancies. I was so determined to exclusively breastfeed and I’m beyond grateful for my husband’s support, love and help through it all. He cooked, cleaned, managed the big kids, and helped in every way imaginable. Looking back, he’s the reason I was able to solely focus on nursing each baby and have so much uninterrupted bonding time in those early, hazy days with each baby.
What is one piece of knowledge you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
Give yourself grace and accept all the help that’s offered to you. Let others pamper you and cook for you and love on you however feels best to you. Tell your loved ones what you need. Cocoon with your baby (if that feels good!) and forget the outside world. Forget the laundry and the emails and the day to day crap and just soak up those tiny sighs and grunts and fingers and toes. Time passes so quickly - breathe into the beauty you’ve created!
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I love reading the stories of this movement and I wanted to participate to celebrate my immense joys and triumphs as well as terrible and traumatic losses on my parenting journey. I wanted to take time to pause and capture this beautiful moment in time during this very special fourth and final trimester and forever remember the beauty that is motherhood and community.