Heather Dowey

Heather Dowey (40), Bergen (5), and Asa (19 months)

New Hampshire | Photographed in Seattle, Washington

Heather shares - 

" I had a miscarriage when my daughter was just over 2 years old. We found out at our 10 week OB visit that I had a missed miscarriage. It was a complete surprise and very devastating since I had been trying to get pregnant for a few months. I choose to complete the miscarriage at home, which was a surreal experience. Even though I understood that the fetus had already died, it was difficult to take the medication and then simply wait for the abortion to occur. Yet, I was grateful to be at able to be in our home during a weekend, choose to play and cuddle with our daughter or go and be alone, and also have the space to cry with my husband.

As a mom, I feel it is very important to accept my body as it is and never verbally criticize (verbally or nonverbally) my or other people's bodies around my kids. Yet, I oscillate between feeling really proud of what my body accomplished in carrying and delivering my children to having days where I wish I could find a way to once again have my "pre-mom" body.

I got pregnant very quickly with our daughter and had an easy, comfortable pregnancy. We worked with a great team of midwives, found a doula that we connected with, took a Bradley birthing method class, wrote up a great birth plan that focused on a non-medicate birth, and were ready. I went into labor a few weeks earlier than our due date, but delivered relatively quick with a vaginal birth and no medication in a birthing suite. Our daughter started to breastfeed almost immediately and we thought we were golden.

Meanwhile, our midwife gave me a shot of pitocin to try and get the placenta out, but nothing happened. The on-call ob gyn came in and gave me the option to first try and manually extract the placenta, which she then did. It was incredibly painful and all she was able to grab were small pieces. By this time, I was bleeding heavily and the midwife and doctor very quickly gave my daughter to my husband and took me to an OR. I was given anesthesia and had an emergency D&C, after which I received a number of stitches. I was later diagnosed as having placenta accreta, even though I had not exhibited any of the signs (minus the early delivery) during the pregnancy. The emergency surgery saved my life, but the surgery coupled with the blood loss made my postpartum recovery much, much longer than I expected.

I was encouraged to wait for some time before trying to get pregnant again. Luckily, I was able to still breastfeed my daughter and she had no impact from the accreta. Getting pregnant again took a lot longer and included a miscarriage and using letrozole. We were not sure if the accreta would happen again and therefore were were much more cautious about the pregnancy. Given my age and my accreta history, I had more intensive ultrasounds at earlier stages of my pregnancy. At the 20 week ultrasound, it was found that my placenta was developing into two sections (an accessory lobe) and that the umbilical cord was attached closer to the smaller lobe. The doctor reviewing the ultrasound that day called that evening and told me that we should prepare ourselves for a premature birth or possibly even the death of the baby. It was horrible news.

However, during my next  visit with my regular OBGYN, he assured us that I had been told the worse case scenario. Instead, he advised more intensive, more frequent ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy and together, we would make decisions as the pregnancy continued. The rest of my pregnancy was pretty typical. At 37 weeks my water broke and had to use pitocin to induce the delivery. I also choose to get an epidural as the pain was completely different than what I had experienced during my daughter's birth. The doctor also recommended using it in case I need emergency surgery after the delivery due to any issues with the placenta. However, my son was delivered vaginally, along with an intact placenta soon afterwards! And coincidentally the midwife who delivered my daughter was also able to attend and help with the coaching. My recovery was so much faster and easier the second time around.

Your expectations and reality are rarely going to match up. And that is okay, in fact, it is part of the joy of parenting.

I love that the 4TBP is trying to share stories to demystify all that is wrapped up in our culture's perspectives about fertility, birth, and what constitutes a family. I hope that adding my voice and story helps."

Allyson Storey and Heather Felker

The amazing Heather Felker, with her daughter Allyson Storey, and granddaughter Savannah (6 mo)

Heather is biological mom to eight, Piper (30), Cameron (28), Allyson (25), Jayson (18) Dalton (16), Landon (10), Maddox (8) and Sterling (5). She also has custody of two of her grandchildren, Phoenix (8) and Ariadne (7). 

Heather does pregnancy very gracefully but the birthing process has always been more difficult for her. She became pregnant with her first child in tenth grade when she was just 15 and didn't feel like she had many choices in the matter. She ultimately delivered via cesarean which in retrospect was likely not necessary. When she had her second there wasn't much talk about birth other than that she'd just deliver via cesarean again. When Heather was pregnant with Allyson she met her first midwife and started to learn more about the birthing process. She was allowed a trial of labors but wasn't fully supported and again delivered via cesarean. By this time, the thinking was that once a cesarean, always a cesarean and so that's what she did. By time she had her youngest, Sterling, her uterus was so scared she developed Placenta Previa and Placenta Percreta. She was on bedrest from 22 weeks on and they delivered her baby at 35 weeks in a general OR. She had two OB's, a urologist and team of nurses in the OR. They hung 12 bags of blood products when they got started and she needed 25. Heather woke up in the ICU and spent six days in hospital. 

Heather had prepared for her birth as much as she could by meeting with all the specialists who would talk to her and storing colostrum. Sterling only spent two days in NICU and was eventually able to latch and nurse well. Heather's final nursling just weaned about six months ago and she is celebrating having lactated for approximately 17 years. 

Educated consent is extremely important to Heather. She says that many women trust their caregivers not knowing what their options are and you can't make a decision if you aren't told all of the potential outcomes. On the flip side of that, once that education takes place respecting a women's decisions for her body and her choices are so important. 

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Allyson wanted to start a family well before her husband but once he was ready they were able to conceive in about three months. She expected pregnancy to be easy for her but by 6 weeks along was incredibly nauseous. It was difficult for her to eat and she found herself going all day without food because she wasn't able to overcome the nausea. Around 25 weeks, Allyson was diagnosed with GERD after going to the hospital for chest pains.  She remained fit throughout her pregnancy and imagined that birth would easy for her as well. 

Prodromal labor started four days after Allyson's due date but stopped after about five hours only to pick back up the next day. Once she past the five hour mark she realized it was really happening. She had been planning a home birth with a trusted caregiver but things moved very slowly. She had planned to go without checks but 24 hours in needed to know more about what was happening. Allyson's midwife was facilitating another birth at their birth center so they sent an apprentice midwife and then a back up. She was told she was 6 cms at 2am and then given a natural supplement to help labor along. Allyson wishes she'd had the chance to do more research because the supplement caused pitocin like contractions without doing anything to move things along. 

The following morning Allyson's care provider checked her again and hurt her really badly. She asked her to please stop and was crying but the care provider ignored her and wouldn't look at her. Allyson felt violated and embarrassed and didn't know what to do but did know she didn't want that person to touch her again and no longer felt safe. Allyson was able to transfer to the birth center where Savannah was born after about 48 hours of labor. 

Allyson was unable to think about her birth for quite some time afterwards after feeling so violated. She wants women to know that even when you give birth at home with a trusted care giver it's important to trust yourself. It's okay to be sad and reflect on your experience. She has learned so much that will empower her in future experiences. She knows how to respond now and advocate for herself and hopes other woman learn to do so as well. 

Adrienne Kreuger

The amazing Adrienne Kreuger, Jameson (2.5) and Wyatt (7 months). 

Adrienne's first pregnancy with Jameson was going quite well until she developed pre-eclampsia in her third trimester. Her water broke at 38 weeks and she was induced quickly due to her high blood pressures. While the induction and her birth went well she retained her placenta which had to be manually extracted, a process that was long and painful. Once home, Adrienne, began having horrible headaches. She drank a lot of coffee to try to stave them off and three days later finally went in to see her primary doctor. Her doctor called her OB who asked her to go the ER, as her blood pressure was still very high. She was given fentanyl and sent home, but woke up in the middle of the night in worse pain than ever before. tShe was admitted for a couple days for monitoring and fear that she was having post-eclamptic issues. After her discharge she continued to feel better other than occasional migraines.

Jameson nursed until he was about 14 months old when she weaned to try to get pregnant with Wyatt which happened right away. She developed pre-eclampsia in this pregnancy as well and ended up delivering at 37 weeks. While the delivery went well, she once again retained placenta and hemorrhaged badly. While she was happy to have her own OB present this time, it was a slow and painful process of pulling her placenta out in pieces. She passed out a couple of times as her body went into shock. After about an hour and a half, her doctor was confident she had removed it all and while the ultrasound showed a small piece of something, there wasn't any blood flow and they thought it may just be a natural part of her uterus. 

In the following days, Adrienne became riddled with fever and was put on antibiotics due to fears of infection. They ultimately checked her via CT and ultrasound and decided to perform a D&C to remove what was determined to be retained placenta. It was then that they realized Adrienne must have had placenta accreta with her first pregnancy and Wyatt's placenta had attached to the scar tissue. Adrienne was monitored after her D&C and when the fever finally subsided was allowed to go home when Wyatt was a week old. 

When Adrienne got home she took a nap, only to wake up two hours later feeling like her insides were on fire. Her temperature was nearly 104, so she went back to the hospital where she was admitted again. The doctors were uncertain where the source of infection was coming from and she was put on heavy antibiotics again. They told her that they could wait and see, perform another D&C which could possibly result in a hysterectomy, or just go ahead and have a hysterectomy. Adrienne was overwhelmed with the thought of losing her uterus and asked that they please try another D&C. The D&C was successful and after another week in the hospital Adrienne was finally able to go home after 10 IV's, a PICC line, two blood transfusions and two D&C's. 

Adrienne still gets headaches and was surprised that her fourth trimester ended up being the most difficult with each of her boys. She's gotten through it though and is grateful that Wyatt was able to stay with her during her extended hospitalization and that they have a great breastfeeding relationship today. 

Sharing our stories is so important and Adrienne knows that while her experience may not be typical it has the ability to touch others. Continuing to process for herself is just as important as knowing that someone else may be going through something similar. She doesn't know that she wants to have any more children but is grateful that she was able to keep her uterus and make that decision for herself in time. 

Joan Ceremy - St. Fleur

The stunning Joan Ceremy-St.Fleur with her daughters Ayanna (3) and Ava (1 month). Joan has been humbled by the experience of becoming a mother. She went into her pregnancy with Ayanna full of love and light and was sure her second pregnancy and birth would be even better. She feels that the universe gives you exactly what you need and feels that her ideas about birth were derailed and reformed by what the universe handed her. She was able to have a wonderful birth at a birthing center with Ayanna and nursed her until she was 4 months pregnant with Ava. Surprisingly, Joan's Haitian friends and relatives didn't understand. Even though they had done the same with their babies back home they believe that the American way was better and that way, meant having your babies in hospital and stopping breastfeeding early. Joan herself believed that the absolute worst place to have a baby was the hospital. Early in her pregnancy with Ava, Joan was diagnosed with Placenta Acreta. She had originally planned to have a homebirth, switched to an OB and was initially told to terminate her pregnancy. Her doctor didn't think that her baby would survive and that if she did, there was no way she'd be allowed to give birth vaginally. Joan is a doula and Licensed Practical Nurse herself and knew that she needed to find a good provider who was more in line with her beliefs. She was able to give birth to Ava, all 10lbs of her, vaginally without complication in the hospital. She finally realized that the birth you have isn't the setting of the experience - it isn't the home or hospital or birthing center - birth is within you as a woman and when you hold onto that, it doesn't matter where it happens.  Motherhood for her is all about letting go of what you thought it would be or could be and embracing it all, whatever comes your way

Kimberly Martinez

The lovely Kimberly Martinez and son Joaquin (5). Kimberly struggled to sustain a pregnancy before Joaquin was conceived. She had 6 miscarriages and was ultimately diagnosed with a blood disorder and put on meds to address that. Her pregnancy with Joaquin was healthy and uneventful for the most part. 5 weeks before her due date, on Christmas Day , her water broke, and she was hospitalized. Because she hadn't had a chance to wean off of her meds, they waited until the next morning to induce her and after almost a full day of labor and an epidural which was turned off for the pushing phase, her son was born. While technically a preemie, Joaquin was healthy and had no breathing issues although he did have to spend time in NICU due to jaundice. Kimberly's placenta would not deliver, and she started hemorrhaging. They tried to manually remove it to no avail, and she was rushed to the operating room. It was determined that she had placenta accreta, meaning her placenta had grown through her uterus and as a result, had to have an emergency hysterectomy. Kimberly has an amazing outlook on what could have been a very traumatic experience and is ultimately just very grateful that her son is alive and well.