Rhiannon Beauregard

Rhiannon Beauregard (37 - she/her). Mother to Beauregard (10 mo)

Austin, TX

How has parenthood impacted your body image?

My body image has mostly been positive over the years with weight and how I feel in my own skin being the biggest thing that impacts how I feel about myself. Parenthood has made me appreciate the younger versions of my body, and made me feel regretful that I spent a lot of time concerned about my weight or how I looked in clothes and not being happy with my body. Especially when I see my body pre-pregnancy and I look fantastic, I'm sad I couldn't see what I can see now.

I am currently struggling with body image and on the one hand am so incredibly impressed of what my body could do- conceive and carry a child and then give birth with no interventions and then still breastfeeding/pumping and going strong (despite having a breast reduction at 21). Like WOW body- NAILED IT! But I still struggle with the weight I have gained (and barely lost 10 lbs. since after birth) and how I look in photos and how I feel in my clothes. I have been told that when I STOP breastfeeding it will come off, but I was also told by breastfeeding it would come off too...and its these statements that I think have done the most harm to my body image. Like somehow I am doing something wrong or I should be doing something different, or something is wrong with ME, or getting into comparison to other moms who have lost the weight...part of me participating in this project is for me to share the vulnerability I have over my body image in my 4th Trimester.

What was your postpartum experience?

We didn't plan on having a baby and I was strongly ambivalent on whether I wanted children or not. When we found out we were pregnant I thought my life was going to be over and it was going to suck really, really bad. Well, turns out neither of that is true and my life is actually great and having a baby doesn't suck! Having low expectations into parenthood actually was an asset- its not that hard and kind of fun so I wasn't disappointed, disillusioned, or disheartened.

I had a difficult emotional pregnancy- the pregnancy was mostly okay- but I definitely developed a perinatal mood disorder. I had a variety of hormonal issues prior to pregnancy and pregnancy just amped those up. So postpartum seemed like a cinch compared to pregnancy. I think the biggest challenge to the postpartum process has been the impact it has had on my partner and my relationship. We are just now starting to recover and reconnect. I've missed him and our relationship pre-pregnancy. I was surprised how hard the postpartum period hit him and our relationship but we are getting help and are very hopeful about the future. And how we love our little spirited, spunky, opinionated, "can't stop, won't stop" baby. I knew we would love baby, but I never knew how much we could love each other AND baby and all the love swirling around in this amazing love cyclone.

What is one piece of knowledge you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?

In regards to body image, I would tell my former self to love my body and never underestimate its ability to do whatever it wants to do. I think I need to hear that now, to love my body and it can do whatever it wants to do and knows itself best. I needed to and still need to trust my body, that it knows how to heal itself. And it knows how to love itself. Its like my mind just needs to get out of the way.

 Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story? 

I signed up for this project prenatally, and probably for the wrong reasons when it comes to body image.  I had gained a lot of weight in my pregnancy and was scared that I wouldn't lose it, despite all the reassurances about losing weight after baby (if you breastfeed, the weight will FALL off you- FALSE, etc.).  I thought it would be motivating for me to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight if I knew I'd be photographed nude or in my underwear.  And I just celebrated my birthday and I thought it would be such an accomplishment to see my body, back to where it was, almost a year postpartum and another year older.  Turns out, my body has been busy doing other things- like breastfeeding, taking care of baby, learning its new role as mom, working on my relationship with my loving partner, and doing its thing and can't be bothered with losing weight.  And overall, I feel pretty good about my body in all areas except for one: my body in photographs!  Ah, the irony.  So now this project has taken on a whole different meaning: participating is me at my most vulnerable.  My beautiful, strong, healthy body in a space that I am learning to accept...its hard to look at yourself in a photograph and not recognize yourself.  But when I look in the mirror, I'm like "damn girl, you fine!"

Stephanie Weinberg

Stephanie Weinberg (36), Erin (7), Dean (5), and Alex (1). You can view Stephanie’s original image and story from 2018 here.

Bethesda, MD | Washington, DC

“I'm incredibly fortunate to have had an easy time getting and staying pregnant! The biggest struggle I faced during my pregnancies were the incredibly overwhelming (but, eventually managed) feelings of depression and anxiety. I felt solely responsible for this precious, innocent baby growing inside and felt it would be my fault if anything happened. Before getting professional help and eventually getting on anti-anxiety medicine, I couldn't even get in the car to drive to the grocery store because of panic attacks.

How has parenthood impacted your body image?

Before parenthood, my definition of body image would have been solely focused on physical fitness and fitting into a certain size. Now a parent 3x over AND being over 35, I find my body image changing to be more kind to myself. I'm still working on believing that my clothing size doesn't define me because, the fact is, clothes fit differently now and I will always be "postpartum".

What was your postpartum experience?

For any new mama out there, IT GETS EASIER. I want to SHOUT THAT FROM THE ROOF TOPS!!! After my first daughter, I really struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety. She was just such a bombshell into our world, though she was planned and wanted very much! Breastfeeding was hard, and I was trying to keep up appearances like "everything's fine..." But it certainly wasn't!! With my second child, breastfeeding was much easier, I was already seeing a therapist, and I was already on medication so postpartum was so much easier! While sleep deprivation is a real bitch no matter how many times you go through it, I had more confidence in myself as a mother. And it was wonderful to truly know that each phase is HARD and each phase PASSES and each phase is wonderful in its own way. I was really happy to enjoy it. And now with my third child, I'm gaining some sense of peace. Because there is a 4 year gap between #2 and #3, I feel that I can really enjoy and appreciate his baby-ness. I'm reveling in each phase because I know it will be our last. And I feel very blessed with the family that we have.

What is your truth?

I wish someone told me "This may be everything you ever dreamed of, but it's still going to be really fucking hard. And that's ok. You're still a great mom."

Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?

I'm here because we need to grow our supportive community - the community that doesn't give a shit what you do for a living, or what you look like, or how you choose to spend your life. The only thing that matters is that you love, you treat others with respect, and you're honest. Community is so important and, if you don't have it with your traditional family, there is a whole lot of us 'other families' that will love and support you.

Monica Beback

Monica Beback (30 - she/her), Norah (8), Charlotte (6), and Eamon (2)

Buffalo, NY

How has parenthood impacted your body image?

I’ve always dealt with body image/confidence issues. I don’t think I’ve ever really “loved” my body (working on it!). But, I definitely think pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and parenthood has helped me view my body in a more positive way. Like, now there’s a super incredible reason (or 3) why my skin is floppy or I have stretch marks and it’s meant to be. Whereas before it was maybe other lifestyle choices I was making that directly impacted my negative self-image. It’s much easier to tell yourself- your body housed, nourished, birthed and cared for (among other things) three perfect human beings, and that’s why it looks this way. Can’t hate that.

What was your postpartum experience?
After the birth of my first babe, I’d say my journey was pretty “standard” for a first time mom. Emotional, nervous and unsure as many are, but also amazed at what I’d just accomplished, and so grateful. Postpartum with my second daughter was my “easiest” recovery. Mentally and physically, I felt well, aside from the disappointment I had to deal with of not achieving my desired home birth, plus I thought I had the whole mom thing down.

It was a few years before the birth of my third baby, my son, and I had in the meantime become a birth doula, and learned so much from my previous two births, as well as the several I had attended as a doula. I felt so prepared; took the best care of myself, planned my “redemption” homebirth, and for my postpartum recovery, and thought for sure this would be a walk in the park. Aside from some small issues and anxiety toward the end of my pregnancy, his birth ended up being beautiful and perfect and everything I had hoped for, born in the water in our living room, a whopping 10 and a half pounds! Those first 24 hours were pure bliss, until the following day when we noticed his breathing was sounding a little “extra”.

Super long story short, after a slew of calls and visits from our midwife and to doctors offices, I had become an anxious wreck. The whole situation had caused some serious post traumatic stress, and I was completely crippled by it. I also think the unexpectedness of it only made it more severe. I couldn’t do anything but worry about the health of myself and my baby, but couldn’t understand why this wasn’t happening to me. I eventually sought out the help of a doctor who prescribed medication (but I was paranoid those were causing side effects) and then a wonderful therapist who specializes in perinatal mood disorders. It took me over a year to feel somewhat “normal” again, but I tell people his coming to this earth truly changed me, and I will never be the same person I was before he was born. As painful and difficult as it was, I truly am grateful for that experience, so I can use it to empathize with others who may feel similar, especially in my practice as a doula.

What is your truth?

Transformative: that is birth and motherhood. Constantly evolving and morphing into new normals. PLEASE trust yourself and your baby and give yourself time to learn and cry and heal and grow and whatever else it is you need to do. And seek help when you need it. Vulnerability is everything when you are a mother- having it, being it, and encouraging it, this can change the world. I truly believe that.

“Be patient with yourself, nothing in nature blooms all year.” -Unknown

Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?

Overall my passion for all that motherhood entails and wanting to make it better for us all- pregnancy, birth, postpartum, parenting, etc. It’s all so fucking hard, and like I said before, I think just being human and truthful to ourselves and what we are and opening up to others is SO powerful, and I feel so deeply that we need to cultivate a more vulnerable society, especially among women. I also love that this project gives me the opportunity to teach these lessons to my children and show them all the forms of beauty and strength. What better way to do all that than posing half nude with a bunch of strangers?!

Lindsay Conley

Lindsay Conley (41), Lena (6 - pictured), and Ben (4)

Buffalo, NY

Lindsay shares -

“I can say with absolute certainty, that motherhood has helped my see that my body is absolutely fucking gorgeous. I hated the first two trimesters of both my pregnancies and dealt with some pretty serious and debilitating perinatal mood disorders. By my third trimester, I felt confident, healthy and in total admiration of everything my body, despite me, could do.

Before meeting my husband and having children I had gone from weighing 220 pounds to losing over 60 pounds. I was able to maintain the weight loss for almost 4 years until having children. I’ve seen my body at it’s “prime” after years of being the quintessential dateless “fat girl” so the initial weight gain of pregnancy was very difficult for me. Regardless, it helped me shift my focus from maintaining a constant obsession with being healthy and a having certain BMI to being overall happy and able to cope with my life.

Though I’m not the size I’d like to be, I no longer feel like I have the time or need to focus my attention on a number on a scale. I still work out weekly, love eating healthy whole foods, but really just don’t have to time to worry about what my body looks like to other people. I can’t wait for a time when I’m able to sleep the night and wake up early to exercise daily. Today isn’t that time and I’m okay with it.

I had a difficult time adjusting to motherhood the first time around. I was a new stay-at-home parent three hours away from family and had few friends in the area. I didn't feel instantly accepted into moms groups and didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I was older than some, not really into mainstream parenting, and just didn't know where I was going to fit in. I was very interested in attachment parenting, birth, and breastfeeding. Those interests guided me towards groups of women who liked talking about those things.

Looking back I know that despite seeing a phenomenal therapist (who I found on my own without the help of my doctor nor midwives), that I was dealing with some serious lifestyle adjustments and pretty depressed. I now know that I definitely had postpartum anxiety. I would feel inexplicably terrified that I was going to drop my baby. I had dealt with some pretty serious mental health issues on my 20's that included a hospital stay. It still baffles me that despite my full disclosure of this past history that neither of the practices I went to had any information nor resources to give patients like me. Six years ago it was tough having a perinatal mood disorder. I know we've come a long way in a short period of time and for that I'm grateful.

I wish I had the friends that I have now back then. It would have made a difference in my life. I loved my baby girl, but I felt like I didn't have many people to talk honestly about my feelings towards the daily grind of motherhood. For my second baby, just two years later, I felt so much more self-assured. I still had some serious struggles, but I had people who I knew had my back no matter what.

{I’m here today} because moms matter. Because, despite myself, I'm still here and living this pretty cool life that I get to share with this cute guy and great kids. Because I don't know enough superlatives to express my gratitude that I truly feel every once in a while when I think that I get to have this life with these people in this incredible community of families. “