Lindi Riffe

Lindi Riffe (34), Lennox (9), Gabriel (7), Norah (6), Penelope (3), Amelia and Estelle (1)

Johannesburg, South Africa | Photographed in Richmond, VA

Lindi shares -

"My body was once prepared for competitive gymnastics, Division 1 Volleyball, and half marathons. After 6 kids in 8 years, I now feel like a 15 yr old, builders grade washing machine. Out of style, falling apart and scarred but damn if that thing is still kicking. That's me. I struggle daily with my body image and find it hard with 6 kids to take care of it the way I should. Ultimately though, when I stand in front of the mirror, I can see strength in my stretch marks, love all over and a slow, growing peace about where I am in life.

Looking back over the births of my 6 kids, I'm not sure where to even begin. I've blocked out some very hard times but also have so many wonderful images that pop in and out of my head. It's been an absolute whirlwind. Honestly, I'm still adjusting. That's what kids bring about right, constant change.

After my first child I was excited and terrified at the same time but in awe of the life I had carried. With a short NICU stay, my goal of breastfeeding was just too difficult for me at the time to tackle, so I exclusively pumped for my son. I still remember eyes gazing up at me from early morning bottles. I loved it but it was a huge adjustment as my husband was studying for the CPA exam.

Before I could blink, I had 3 under 3. I was glad I was able to breastfeed my 2nd and 3rd children. I truly enjoyed the bond. After 3 kids, I really started to struggle mentally and noticed a change in my body. I didn't bounce back like I did after my 1st and 2nd. I struggled to ask for help or reach out. This continued and I still battle today.

By the time I was pregnant with my 4th child, I really looked forward to my births. I was no longer scared of the pain or process and truly enjoyed that time. My 4th birth was an amazing experience and completed our family with 2 boys and 2 girls. I struggled with PPD after my 4th child and still do to this day.

Then came Aug. 30th 2015. I'm pregnant. Not planned. Not exactly happy about it. Found out it was twins and just about lost it. I processed this information for 3 months. I was having identical girls. I fell in love with them. I fell in love with my body. I was in absolute awe as to how I was created to carry multiple children at one time. My water broke at 36.4. To feel the birth of my twins (second was breech) is a feeling I cannot describe. It was absolutely amazing and incredibly empowering. My girls are now almost 2. I enjoyed tandem nursing and sadly sporadic cuddles (as I had 4 other kids to care for) but to be honest that first year is an absolute blur.

I owe it all to my loving mother, family and friends. I learned to ask for help. At 10 days postpartum my uterus decided it had had enough and I ended up having an emergency hysterectomy after hemorrhaging at home. In the midst of depression and anxiety, I am happy to be alive. I am working on 2018/19 being years of healing and having more focus on taking care of me. Learning to love more and to find the inner strength that often gets buried. I am strong. I am beautiful. I will triumph.

You do not have to do it all and you do not have to do it well, but whatever you do, do it with love.

I am always behind the camera. From pictures you would think my husband is a single father. I want to stand up for me, for my body and with my kids."

Julianna O'Brien

The beautiful Julianna O'Brien and Cooper (22 months)

Julianna says that she wanted a natural, drug free birth for as long as she could remember. As a person, she says, it just spoke to her - "I appreciate challenge, reject fear and like to try to embrace my inner badass." Julianna felt well prepared for birth and Cooper arrived after 7 hours of labor in which she felt strong confident, and in the zone. Shortly after Cooper's birth she began to feel an intense amount of pain that was eventually diagnosed as a vaginal hematoma. The hematoma swelled so big it opened her stitches from a 1st degree tear repair and the rupture caused her to loose a lot of blood. Although Julianna, enjoyed a natural birth, she had to go under general anesthesia for repair.

Postpartum recovery was incredibly difficult and Julianna began to struggle with breastfeeding. Cooper was unable to gain weight and they were back in the hospital when he was 2 weeks old with a diagnosis of failure to thrive. After deciding to pump exclusively and bottle feed, Cooper finally began to gain weight. She was so glad to see Cooper's health improve but was absolutely devastated by the loss of a direct breastfeeding relationship. Eventually, they all recovered but Julianna still has a lot of emotional trauma from the fear and anxiety that surrounded their little family during what she'd hoped would be a joyous time.

Julianna felt that she had been so focused and prepared for birth but entirely unprepared for the struggles that came during her postpartum period. Through it she learned much about expectations and to not hold so tightly to a vision of a perfect birth, recovery and breastfeeding. 

"The struggles we went through as a family have made us incredibly stronger people. While I wouldn't have chosen that path, it's our story, we overcame it and are so incredibly happy today. Many of my struggles as I entered motherhood were because I didn't feel like I measured up to what I was hearing/seeing in popular culture about what a mother SHOULD be. I didn't fit any of those molds. I didn't particularly like babywearing or co-sleeping and I didn't feel at all conflicted about going back to work. I initially felt like these things made me a bad mom or that I didn't love my son enough. Now as I've grown and evolved through motherhood I've learned to cast off all these types and formats. What I do or don't do doesn't make me a mother - my strength, patience, and love does. I'm participating in 4th Tri because I think it helps to broaden that spectrum of what a mother looks like. We have all different bodies, passions, and styles and that is something beautiful to be embraced rather than something to divide into "good" and "bad" categories."

Sydney Waters

The stunning Sydney Waters, Sadie (19 months) and Cora (7 months)

Sydney had several miscarriages before getting pregnant with Sadie and was told that this pregnancy wasn't viable either. 30 minutes before Sydney and her husbands rehearsal dinner for their wedding they got the news and went through their wedding thinking that she would be losing the baby at any time. When she returned to the doctor they learned that Sadie was actually doing well. Sydney says that she was very anxious through this pregnancy and wasn't able to enjoy it. She worried every step of the way and her labor and delivery contributed to her feeling quite poorly about her entrance to motherhood. 

Support is something that every mother needs when laboring and delivering their first baby and this is exactly what Sydney felt was lacking. She then entered into her breastfeeding relationship feeling similarly. Sadie had colic and was projectile vomiting all the time and Sydney was made to feel like it was all her fault. She had been pumping exclusively but eventually stopped because she felt so defeated. 

When Sadie was just a few months old, Sydney learned she was pregnant again and was told once more that her pregnancy was not viable. She had been having a hemorrhage due to an ovarian cyst and her doctor wanted to operate. She refused and instead stayed in hospital overnight to see if her hormone blood levels increased. They did and she continued on with her pregnancy avoiding surgery. Sydney changed care providers at 20 weeks and says that while this pregnancy was not without it's own anxieties it was much better than her first. Her birth again followed suit and she was able to keep Cora with her immediately after which she says was so much better. 

Breastfeeding has been something that Sydney has been able to champion this time as well. Nursing Cora has been gone smoothly and as Sadie was just a year old when her sister was born, Sydney began pumping for her again as well which she says was redemptive. 

Showing her girls that beauty itself and the dialogue surrounding are different from what the media projects was very important to Sydney. She wants her girls to look back on this picture when they becomes mothers and see the beauty of this moment and time in their lives. 

Heather Mann

The marvelous Heather Mann with her daughters Holly (7) and Aubrey (4 months). Heather's first pregnancy was a surprise when she was just 21. Everything went well throughout her pregnancy, and she was able to have a relatively uncomplicated vaginal birth. Her epidural was inserted improperly into her spinal cord and required a blood patch. She chose not to breastfeed mostly because she wasn't educated and didn't have support. Her second pregnancy was planned, and she was able to conceive in her first month of trying. She had severe morning sickness her first trimester and tried medications to help. Nothing seemed to work but her second trimester and beyond she felt much better. She opted for an epidural again, but this time, it took on only half of her body. Heather knew she wanted to breastfeed this time around but due to latch issues, she has chosen to exclusively pump. Her goal is to pump and provide milk to her daughter until she reaches a year and then see what happens from there! So far, she has been able to provide all that her daughter needs and then some. Both of Heather's daughters were Coombs positive and had to spend a short amount of time in the NICU after birth but are both healthy today.