Shelley Florence

Shelley Florence (35 - she/her), Zoe (5), Ava (3), and Tre (11 mo) You can view Shelley’s original photo and story from 2018 here.

Austin, TX

“My first pregnancy was when I was 24 years old and not in a relationship. From the moment I found out, I knew I wanted an abortion. Even though I had the means to get one and was an adult entitled to make my own decisions, I still had guilt. I chose a medication abortion and had to go through all the hoops that Texas makes you jump through before you are allowed. When it came down to getting the medicine to end the pregnancy I backed out. I went home and re-evaluated. I still knew that I wanted the abortion so I went back the next day. Looking back I realize I knew what I wanted but I had guilt from everything you are taught about abortion. You shouldn't be doing this, you have a job and money and can care for a child, etc. I don't want my children to have to go through that guilt, I just want them to see abortion as healthcare. I felt so empowered after I made that decision for myself. I really felt like I had control in my life and its outcomes.

My first intentional pregnancy ended in miscarriage after 5 months of trying to conceive. I found out at the 8 week ultrasound and chose to have a D&C at 10 weeks. The physical recovery was quick, but the mental recovery was tough. I had all these thoughts about if I would ever be able to have children and what did I do that caused this, etc. It wasn't as openly talked about as it is now, so it was very isolating.

I ended up pregnant with Zoe soon after.

I got pregnant with Ava on the first month of trying and had no issues during the pregnancy. When Ava was almost 1 year old, I had unprotected sex with my husband and ended up taking a Plan B the day after. The Plan B did not work and I ended up pregnant. I had a pregnancy in the uterus and one in the left tube. The one in the uterus miscarried and when they finally found the ectopic in my left tube, I went into emergency surgery. The tube was ruptured and they could not salvage it so I lost my left fallopian tube. It was a horrible experience where I felt like I didn't know my body and couldn't understand why I was in pain for a month and the health professionals couldn't figure it out. I was also scared I would not be able to have more children.

We decide to try for a 3rd and after a few months I was pregnant with Tre.

We are done having children now and my husband has had a vasectomy so we do not have to worry about other forms of birth control anymore.

How has parenthood impacted your body image? 

I think parenthood has made me question all my ideas and conditioning about body image. I now have 3 young humans looking to me and imitating me. I want to model body neutrality for them but I have to deal with my own pre-programming first. Going through 3 full term pregnancies in 4 years and +/-40lbs each time has given me a new perspective on my body image. I am working on accepting the changes to my body and celebrating its strength instead of lamenting and grieving for the body I used to have before bearing children.

What was your postpartum experience?

Postpartum for me was different with each child. In my current postpartum journey after Tre, I've had to deal with my own health issues. At my postpartum followup, the midwife noticed my thyroid was enlarged and sent me off for ultrasound. After ultrasound and needle biopsy gave me a 50% chance of cancer on both sides, I had to get it removed. Exclusively breastfeeding a 5 month old and having a major surgery and cancer scare were not in my expectations. The nodules turned out to be benign and I have adjusted alright to the medicine. It was an extremely stressful time and at times I felt helpless because I couldn't care for my baby.

I have become much easier on myself in the postpartum period. I understand that I will eventually get back to the things I enjoy or eventually will wean the baby and have more freedom to travel or be away for longer period of time. I am a very active person and enjoy working out, but I know now on my 3rd time around that it usually takes me about a year to get back into a regular workout routine. I still make efforts and try to go regularly but if it doesn't work out I don't punish myself or feel guilty about it.

I think the hardest thing for me now is prioritizing adult time with my spouse. Time when no one is interrupting or needing either of us and we can just focus on each other. At the end of the day it is very easy to just collapse in the bed and pass out.

I work at a company that offers 18 weeks off for a vaginal birth with none of it paid. As the primary income in our house this is very difficult for us. I have taken 16-18 weeks off with each of my children and I can't help but feel its still not enough and why do I have to worry about money on top of all of it? I feel like we add stress to new mothers for no reason and instead of focusing on our own health and bonding with baby we also have to worry about paying bills, etc.

What is one piece of knowledge you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?

You own your life. Don't be swayed by what others say you should or shouldn't be doing or they way you should or shouldn't look. You are exactly who you need to be. Also, the children you birthed are not "yours," you are just a guide and support for them. They are their own individuals and will probably teach you more about yourself than you will teach them.

Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story? 

The quote, "I came for the pretty pictures and stayed for the movement" is so true, but I would like to add to that. I would say I stayed for the IMPROVEMENT, self-improvement. This documentary/movement has exposed me to so many new ideas that have helped me grow as a person. Normalizing abortion as healthcare, images of birth and postpartum bodies, perspectives of black mothers and white privilege, exposure and education about gender fluidity, etc.

Rebecca Bernick

Rebecca Bernick (34), Leo (3), and Sloane (1)

Ann Arbor, MI | Detroit, MI

Rebecca shares -

“I had a lot of trouble initially getting pregnant. I had a miscarriage at nine weeks, and two chemical pregnancies. I had just begun seeing a fertility specialist a few weeks before I became pregnant with Leo.

Parenthood has impacted my body image in a very positive way! I spent so much time criticizing myself before. staring in the mirror and feeling disappointed in the small imperfections that no one but me would have ever noticed. Now I'm so proud of my body. It gave me two kids! I never saw my body as being strong, or even particularly useful if that makes sense until I was pregnant.

I had a very difficult postpartum period with my first child. I felt like I never knew what to do to make him happy and I had a lot of trouble figuring out how to breastfeed. I was frustrated because I felt that breastfeeding is never talked about as being hard. Everyone just acts like it is this easy natural thing that you have to do. I was up with my son constantly trying to nurse. My nipples bled for weeks. We had latch issues. He wasn't gaining enough weight. We were constantly going to the doctor. I still am not sure what happened but around 6 weeks we seemed to figure it out. Thankfully I was able to nurse both of my children for a year each. It was hard, but something I really cherished.

I came here today for multiple reasons - I wanted to document how I look and how my kids look. I want my kids to know how happy and comfortable I am, and that being a parents can look many different ways. I think that this project is important for women to know that motherhood comes in many different forms and includes lots of different experiences, and I wanted to add my journey to the book so to speak.

Be forgiving to yourself, and others. Nothing will ever be perfect, and you might not always know what the right answer is, but doing your best is definitely good enough. And I feel like since I've become a Mother, I've noticed that the rest of the world is just trying to do their best too. People have good intentions far more often than not. “

Charlotte Belsan

Charlotte Belsan (37), Iris (5), and Malcolm (1)

Oak Park, Il

Charlotte shares - 

"My first pregnancy was an early miscarriage. We had been trying for 14 months and we were elated and then devastated back to back. We were so grateful to conceive Iris six months later. Then we were shocked by Malcolm deciding to join us a few years later.

Mothering, breastfeeding, holding, and touching my kids has connected me to my body in a very primal way that transcends sex appeal or squeamishness or the desire to be attractive. Some of it is feeling my own power grow through raising my kids and some of it is shedding what isn’t essential just to survive the grind. I love my body for what it given me and how it’s been patched back together and keeps working.

Birthing and becoming a mother basically blew up my world and I have taken a few years to create a new existence and to feel human again. I remember being 39 weeks pregnant with Iris and just wanting it to “be over.” Now I laugh at myself because that was nothing. It was physical discomfort but I was about to be tested on new levels. My first birth included a failed epidural, a sunnyside up presentation, lots of pitocin just before transition, two hours of pushing, and an episiotomy. In retrospect I truly think I suffered PTSD from the birth. I had postpartum anxiety, which I didn’t know was a thing. They kept asking me about depression signs but I had heart racing and gasping for breath terror instead of sadness. I wish I had realized it at the time.

Now, I’m nearly two years out from my second and final birth. It was a much gentler birth and I switched practitioners to get the experience I needed. It was healing for me to have a good experience birthing Malcolm. I am still feeling the effects of his pregnancy. My hormones are out of whack and I bleed for two weeks at a time. I’m still breastfeeding many times a day. I know this is all a season of life. With my second child, I already knew what motherhood was and that I can survive any phase.

My truth is that when you become a mother, you don’t become a perfect one. You become you, with all your shortcomings and frustrations, as a mother and it will shock you. The whole world will tell you what to do, so make your world as small as it needs to be to protect you and your babies. I’ve created boundaries and boundaries for my boundaries and I’ve never regretted one.

When my daughter was a toddler, I wished I had the guts to do this. It’s very out of character for me. Now that my last baby is only just barely a baby, it’s now or never. I hope to pass this memory to my children so they can remember me as I was when they were young.

Kate Hudak

Kate Hudak (31), Stephen Michael III "Phen" (3 years, 10 months), and Kaedryn May (1 year)

Kate is previous project participant. You can view her previous photo and story here. 

Rhode Island | Washington, DC

Kate shares - 

"I had a miscarriage in Feb 2015 when my son was 19 months old. I discovered I was pregnant after a positive pregnancy test but hadn't had a postpartum cycle. I found a lovely midwife and we were not able to hear a heartbeat via Doppler at what we thought was gestational age. I then went for a viability ultrasound and no heartbeat was confirmed. I was able to naturally birth the pregnancy (it amazed me how much it felt like birth, the dropping feeling, the contractions- very recognizable). Through this process I learned many friends had also experienced loss but no one speaks of it. Loss is not a happy topic but one that should be shared so that those experiencing know they are not alone, and their bodies are not failing them.

Overall I feel parenthood has impacted my body image for the better- I am a badass for carrying and birthing 2 babies over 10 pounds each. Pregnancy and birth (no matter how you birth) are amazing miracles. However, I feel there is so much pressure from society still placed on our bodies. I am a big gainer (I make big babies) and with my first I had a midwife suggest I was gaining too much weight and unhealthy (which I wasn’t and was a normal weight when getting pregnant).

I then lost all 50 pounds I had gained and then another 30. I felt amazing and so great about my body- it was so strong. With my third pregnancy (birth of my daughter) I was fit and strong when I got pregnant and although I gained 50+ pounds with her as well I didn’t get the comments about weight gain with her (partly because I had an unassisted birth/pregnancy). I felt during my pregnancy with Kaedryn that it was a little tougher mentally; I liked being thin and how thin felt- gaining and losing with her pregnancy was a bit more mentally challenging. I feel proud of my body for all it has done and how it serves me and my family.

{I'm participating again}, to be a part of normalization. If we do not share our truths, our stories, our good, and our bads we cannot normalize pregnancy, birth, and our bodies. Not all stories are fairy tales, not all fairy tales are perfect. Each journey is unique and special. My hope is that my journey or parts of my journey can help other people feel connected while on their journey. One of the biggest supports I have felt is knowing that others have been on this path before me; hopefully I can help someone feel support on theirs.

Empower yourself through education but ultimately trust your innate and inner wisdom, you know your truth and way. I would encourage a new parent to take in all the information, all the advice and then make the decision based on that information on what is right for them and their families in the moment; but to not get caught up in doing what the “books” say to do or what their parents did, or what the “mommy group” says you should be doing. Be true to yourself and your inner divine knowledge."

Leanne O'Neill

Leanne O'Neill (32), Brennan Esther (Stillborn, would be 7), Maura Grace (6), and Clark Andrew (3 months)

Washington, DC

Leanne shares - 

"I was so excited when I became pregnant with my first child, I had always wanted to be a mother. At 7 weeks I started bleeding, the OB told me I was miscarrying and wanted to schedule a D and C for the next day but I insisted on another ultrasound and there on the screen was a little heartbeat, we called her our minnow. I thought everything would be fine after that but at 12 weeks the doctor noticed a malformation in her jaw, that's when the testing began. The same day I found out that my minnow was a little girl I found out that her jaw was so undersized she would never breath on her own, they suspected a chromosome disorder and at 18 weeks we finally had answers -  17q21.3 deletion, 16 and 17 unbalanced translocation, it was a .05% chance of happening, they said my body should have miscarried before I even knew I was pregnant but my minnow held on.

At 19 weeks I made the decision to say goodbye, she was having seizures in the womb and her lungs were too small, she wouldn't be able to make it outside of the womb and I didn't want her to suffer. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but I knew it was the merciful thing to do. When I went for the procedure at 21 weeks but she was already gone. I went into labor waiting for surgery and had to be rushed back. I fell apart when I lost her, Brennan Esther was born sleeping on January 19th, 2011.

My grandmother had multiple losses and when I lost Brennan I asked her if it would ever stop hurting, she said no but you learn to live with the pain. I still suffer from PTSD from her loss and although I am so unbelievably thankful for my two living children I feel like a piece of me will always be missing without her.

Motherhood has been a double edged sword when it comes to my relationship with my body. I spent my college years trying to be thin and never feeling like I was thin enough. I gained a lot of weight with my second pregnancy and never lost it but I'm trying to be okay with that. My body betrayed me, when I lost my daughter Brennan I was so angry and disgusted at my body, how could it do that? My body was supposed to keep my baby safe, to form my baby correctly and it didn't. My body couldn't keep her alive. There was a .05% chance of that chromosome disorder happening, and yet it happened. My relationship with my body changed after I had my living daughter Maura Grace, my guppy. I don't want her to grow up with the body issues I had, I want her to love herself and find beauty in herself. So I have vowed to fake it till I make it, I can see the beauty in everyone but myself so I am going to try to project as much self confidence and body love as I can in hopes that someday I'll believe myself.

The postpartum adjustment with my living daughter wasn't what I expected. I was so so unbelievably relieved and grateful to be leaving the hospital with a living child this time, I expected the fear to go away, to finally be able to breath but I couldn't. I stayed awake for the first two nights just to make sure she was breathing, I had such horrible anxiety attacks if she was away from me. I ended up calling my midwife in tears and started a nursing safe anti-anxiety medication which helped tremendously. I will say that having lost Brennan I am so thankful for even the hard moments with my other children, for every late night feeding, for every diaper change, I don't take a single one for granted and I would still do anything to go through those moments with her.

I want to share my journey through loss, let others know there is life after loss and there is love and laughter and it's okay to talk about the child that came before. I guess I'm also trying to convince myself that there is beauty in this big, broken body of mine, this body that couldn't keep her safe."

Emily Way Sizer

Emily Way Sizer (35), Brendan (6), Courtney (5), Lyra (2.5), and Autumn (6 months)

Emily is a previous project participant. You can view her original photo and story here. 

Baltimore, MD | Washington, DC

Emily shares - 

"When I participated last time I didn't know it but I was pregnant. I found out a few days after the shoot. We were so excited but the night before my 8 week check up I knew something was wrong, I had been spotting all day. I decided to go to the ER for confirmation that I was losing the baby. My intuition was right, the baby's heartbeat was not there and the baby was in its 6th week. The next time I lost the baby at home. It was incredibly difficult for us as we had already told our older children. They were sad when we told them their sibling wasn't going to join our family. I grieved over the lost for quite some time. However, less than a month later I got a positive pregnancy test, I got pregnant again immediately. It came as a huge shock as we weren't yet trying but we are thrilled.

Parenthood has given me positive feelings towards my body image. Sure I still see imperfections but I've learned that I'm me. My body developed and birthed four children and my breasts have fed each of them for at least six months. My children just see Mommy and my husband sees his wife and the woman who gave him children.

Postpartum after my first was a shock. I didn't know things were going to hurt so much, didn't know I was going to bleed for so long, didn't know I'd be so emotional. After my second, it felt like a walk in the park. After my third I didn't expect to suffer from serious PPD. I was hesitant to have a 4th child though we always wanted 4 because of my PPD. I made sure when I was pregnant with my 4th I had a good support system and I decided to encapsulate my placenta after birth. I experienced some immediate baby blues but bounced back quickly and adjusted really well.

{I participated again to show other mothers that they should be proud of who they are. Embrace every curve, stretch mark, or imperfection. You are beautiful to everyone. Be you. And for my children. I want my girls to never feel less than perfect. I want my son to always appreciate and respect females." 

Erin Loughran

Erin Loughran (43) and Aislin (18 months)

Brooklyn, NY

Erin shares - 

"The first time I got pregnant I miscarried at 8 weeks. While it wasn’t surprising at 39, it was very disappointing. We’d only been trying for 3 months and the due date was the perfect timing for my job, so it felt too good to be true and it was. After that it took a year and a half of infertility treatment, after infertility treatment to conceive again with IVF. There were a few moments along the way that were devastating, where we questioned if and how we’d ever be parents. We were very lucky to have access to amazing doctors and insurance coverage that enabled us to have our daughter.

I’ve never had a great body image. I was always a little chubby. I expected to put on a lot of weight during pregnancy and was surprised when I only put on 25 pounds, despite having a voracious appetite, and then was back to my regular weight within six months. It made me realize how out of my control my weight might be - for both better and worse. During pregnancy and after, every time I experienced a side effect I felt like that was how I was going to feel/be for the whole pregnancy or forever, when I’m fortunate to say that most things were really temporary. They resolved in a few weeks or months. I’m also much more likely to seek medical help for any issues I experience with my body now, as a result of having such positive medical experiences (with both Western and Chinese medicine) while seeking treatment for infertility.

I was really lucky to have the postpartum experience that I had. I was depressed during pregnancy and so was at a high risk for postpartum depression. I was shocked when I didn’t have postpartum depression. The depression really resolved itself when I gave birth. It was such a relief. I had an easy time breastfeeding, had a healthy baby, a relatively uncomplicated birth, and a supportive husband and family. I had a decent amount of paid maternity leave, if not as much as I would have liked. I’m incredibly grateful for all of it! Though I might not have the same energy level I might have had as a younger parent, I appreciate the advantages I’ve had as a new parent at this stage of my life. I was so ready for it all! I’d waited so long, worked with children, been around friends’ babies for so long. It came more naturally than I expected. That said, there were still hard moments for me and my husband.

I feel like I’ve been given a second life. For years, I didn’t think I’d get to be a parent in this lifetime. I do wish I’d done it sooner, but I’m glad we got lucky enough to have a child at this point in our lives.

Motherhood, birth, and parenting have been profound experiences for me. They fascinate me. I hope to hold on to the memories of this period of my life-to mark the moments. It upsets me when I realize that some moments are already getting blurry-that I can’t quite remember the feeling of being pregnant or nursing a newborn anymore.

Kristen Jata

Kristen Jata (34) and Ruby (17 Months). Kristen was 31 weeks pregnant at the time of her photograph and has since delivered her new babe, Lily Grey.

Long Island, NY | Brooklyn, NY

Kristen shares - 

"We suffered a loss after trying for over a year. The pregnancy was ectopic and rocked us to the core. I was "conservatively managed" which just means it was a long and drawn out process of wait and see - would I need surgery? Would I need chemo? The options were scary as were the constant doctor visits, ultrasounds, blood draws. In the end, we were so lucky to not have to go through any serious interventions - so, so lucky. The loss, albeit early at 7 weeks, really rocked us and it wasn't until we conceived Ruby were we able to fully move on. I still think about that baby often and wonder who they would have been.

I have struggled with good body image my entire life, it has always been a struggle even at what I would consider my peak of physical fitness - I have always been my own worst critic. Being pregnant and bringing a child earth side changed a lot of that. Sure, there are plenty of days I look in the mirror and wonder who that person looking back at me, especially now with my ever growing belly but this journey has given me a new appreciation for this body. We struggled for a long time to conceive, which catapulted us into a journey of fertility and health. Navigating the fertility journey for so long, going through a miscarriage, experiencing a term pregnancy, giving life to that baby and sustaining that life on the outside with only my body, and then being entrusted once again to bring another soul earth side has allowed me to see my body in a new light.

Maybe its a lack of time, but I allow myself to be kinder to my body. Most times, I've given myself a pass to be whomever it is I'm supposed to be in this moment. I'm not perfect and I often have moments where I slip back into older patterns but I'm also extremely cognizant of the fact my daughter is watching me at all times - the good, the bad, and everything in between. She sees it all and will pick up on the way in which I view myself and the way in which I speak of myself and I will do whatever I can to make sure she grows up knowing that her size will not dictate her worth.

I honestly cannot remember if I had any specific expectations of the postpartum period. I knew I didn't want to have any preconceived notions on what I would accomplish or not. We were lucky to have my husband home for 4 weeks of paternity leave, which was life changing for all of us! It was such a special time and it really allowed me the time I needed to physically heal and gave our newly expanded family unit time to bond and learn each other. I remember worrying before Ruby arrived about the realities of postpartum depression and anxiety. Having a history of both I realized it was something I would maybe have to tackle and was afraid that I wouldn't be able to recognize it in myself. My husband and I spoke at great length about it and my concerns and he assured me we would do whatever we had to do to take it on together. Aside from feeling foggy and a little disconnected I'd say I came out of it relatively unscathed and for the better. The journey of becoming a mother isn't an easy one and its riddled with all sorts of obstacles. I was lucky to have the love and support of my family and friends to carry me through any difficulties I experienced.

In hindsight, one thing I do sort of regret is not taking more time for myself after Ruby was born including keeping very close to home and asking for more help from family. With visitors in and out I often felt the need to clean and organize, or stressing while my husband handled it. I didn't realize it at the time but you never get that time back. Those quiet moments when it's just the three of you, that is what it's about. It's something that is glaringly obvious to me now as we prepare to bring home Baby Sister, I realize that this new postpartum experience will be drastically different. Not better or worse, but different and maybe a little bit more busy.

I am feeling especially sentimental about my time alone with Ruby coming to a close. Bringing another baby into the world is a true honor but at the same time it has been so hard to savor all of the wonders of this pregnancy while the days are so fully with so many other things. I wanted this opportunity to memorialize this time if my life, a time of great uncertainty and transformation and at the same time find a beautiful way to honor this body which has come so far and has been through so much. I am a work in progress when it comes to body imagine and as the weeks go I find it to be harder and harder to keep that positive perspective and I hope these pictures serve as a reminder of how beautiful my body is. This moment will not happen again, having the opportunity to love my babies both on the outside and on the inside at the very same time - it is truly a remarkable experience.

Bobbie Jo Jensen

Bobbie Jo Jensen (31), Margo (5), and Kessel (20 months)

Grayling, MI | Portland, OR

Bobbie shares - 

"I've had three miscarriages. All my miscarriages have happened at 12 weeks. My first one happened about 2 weeks before I got married to my husband. I was headed to the grocery store with my husband. I was wearing a white skirt on a hot day. I was in the passenger seat of his truck and my legs felt sweaty. I rubbed my hand on my inner thigh to investigate. I just remember there being a lot of blood. The pain, cramps, and heart break that followed was horrible. I went to urgent care and they told me to go to the ER. I knew I couldn't afford that bill so I called Planned Parenthood. They were able to see me and confirmed I was miscarrying. The nurse was amazing and told me my body would most likely pass everything on its own OR I could have a procedure. I chose to let my body do its thing.

I was very open with my pregnancy and loss. After my miscarriage I was surprised to hear from so many women who suffered the same fate but never talked about it. I was lucky enough with my daughter to be born next. Before I got pregnant with my son I had two more miscarriages. I was very open again with the fact I was pregnant and experienced another loss. After that I was convinced my daughter was a miracle baby and that was all I was getting. I told my husband I didn't want to try again. His heart was broken and he convinced me to give it one more chance.

The first trimester with my son I was just waiting for a miscarriage to happen. I was still eating well and treating my body like it was pregnant but I was convinced another miscarriage would occur. Once I got to 13 weeks I was shocked and realized I needed to go to the doctor! Our first appointment took awhile to find his heartbeat and I thought the worst. When they finally found it my husbands smile lit up the room. My miscarriages have been some of the most traumatizing things that have happened to me. I used to go get my daughter out of bed and just snuggle her while I cried. It was the only thing that would comfort me. I do plan on trying to have a third child and sometimes the fear of a miscarriage overwhelms me.

I've always been plus sized and I have always had stretch marks. What I was not ready for was extra body hair. It seems that since I have been pregnant I have been hairier and I have noticed a increase of hair on my belly, chest, neck, and face. Its nothing that really bothers me but I do spend some time plucking my face and neck hair. When i was pregnant I always loved my body and what it was doing. I just thought it was so cool that I was making life. Too many of us focus on what our bodies should look like when they should focus on what our bodies do for us everyday.

I have an amazing husband who was there and supported me with everything I ever needed. I always got up with the kids in the middle of the night so Rhys (husband) could sleep and go to work the next day. But as soon as he got home he would let me relax and take a nap.

I remember crying over everything. Happy or sad would have me crying. Breast feeding went really well to but we did start out with thrush both times. Having a child and coming home from the hospital was pretty much exactly what I expected. There were hard moments, easy moments, a lot of sleepy moments, but it was always happy and full of love.

Bree and Jodi Symonds Libertad

Bree and Jodi Symonds Libertad, Sahalie (9), and Solomon (6)

Photographed in Portland, OR

Bree shares - 

"I miscarried a baby between my two living children. 

I dwell on my perceived imperfections which were enhanced by my pregnancies and births. Because of my children, I aim to embrace my body by treating it well and not hiding it.

I prepared for a natural birth working with midwives at a hospital for my first birth. After 40 hours of labor including hours of pushing it was determined she was stuck with a hand by her head and a caesarean was necessary. My anesthesia was ineffective on one side of my body and I had to be put completely out for her delivery. I believe I experienced postpartum depression as a result of the trauma from this birthing experience.

When I got pregnant again and miscarried between 3 and 4 months, I naturally miscarried at home- I was by myself initially then missed days of work as the process continued. We buried the baby's remains under a tree in our yard.

I traveled to Portland in hopes of having a VBAC with my son. My water broke as it never did on its own in my first birth and I had to be driven to Portland by ambulance where the midwife team signed off on working with me due to my high risk delivery. After induction efforts failed, another caesarean surgery was arranged and I was able to stay conscious for my son's delivery. We moved into the Ronald McDonald house across from the hospital and he spent 12 days in the NICU addressing jaundice, breathing, and feeding issues.

I still mourn my unsuccessful attempts at vaginal delivery and am considering getting pregnant again with my current (same-sex) partner.

I've been inspired by the stories I have seen from this project and want to contribute to this legacy for other families and my own."