Tekeshia Merriman-Lewis

Tekeshia Merriman-Lewis (22 - she/her) and Zola Rose (8 mo)

Minneapolis, MN

“Kimberly Nichole was stillborn on July 21st, 2017. We believe her death was caused by gestational diabetes that I did not know I had until after the birth. In August 2018, I had a twin demise at 12 weeks pregnant. My daughter Zola is the surviving twin.

How has parenthood impacted your body image?

During my pregnancies I have felt confident but after my second pregnancy I am extremely insecure. I truly don’t feel like myself anymore. My confidence goes up and down but for the most part I don’t want to be seen.

What was your postpartum experience? 

Being homeless after my having both babies made my journeys very hard. Being a single mother for the first few months was challenging but instinct kicked in and I did everything I needed for Zola. I didn't really have time from myself so I felt very drained and unprepared. I never expected to be in the situation so my reality hit me hard very quick . Even though I was in a very bad position all the way around, having my daughter was the most beautiful moment of my life and I am so grateful to have her in my life.

What is one piece of knowledge you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent? 

To my former self and any new parent I would say "YOU KNOW YOUR BODY, trust your instincts and communicate about you feel. Ask questions if you have them, ask for tests if you want them. Never allow anyone to convince you that something is wrong/right about your body if you genuinely believe otherwise.

Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story? 

Knowing and loving your your body is so important. Taking care of your vessel is tedious but necessary for a life full of joy. As I scrolled the pictures of women that have been involved with the project I teared up.To my surprise these women looked like me, they didn't have perfect postpartum bodies; they had curves, stretch marks, breastfeeding children. These are the images that should come up when you search "postpartum mothers". The norm should be that there is no norm. Everyone just comes as they are. Just like everyone has their own birth story, they have their unique postpartum story, and you are telling it.

Jennifer Siefken

Jennifer Siefken (43). Chicago, Il 

Mother to twins Emma (photographed - 5 years old) and Elizabeth.

Jennifer shares - 

"Emma and Elizabeth were born at 26 weeks. Elizabeth was doing better than Emma, but she suddenly got sick and passed away at 25 days old.

I've always struggled with how I view my body, like so many others. When I was growing up, my three older brothers would regularly berate me because of my weight. So, it seemed ironic that after I had my girls, it made me sad that the only evidence of them was my c-section scar. Bittersweet, I guess. Now, a few years later, in my 40s, I'm seeing everything sag, and I feel very silly for not appreciating what I had.  I'm also so frustrated that I care so much. I feel like I'm being wasteful devoting so much time to this topic- I just want to figure out how to embrace a healthy perspective.

The Dickens quote, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," seems to fit perfectly for me after having given birth to my twin girls. I had lost one baby and was terrified about losing both. Emma had heart surgery at two weeks old; Elizabeth died a week later; Emma contracted an unknown infection a week after Elizabeth died. When Emma got sick after Elizabeth died, I moved into a hotel by myself near the hospital (my husband stayed at the house and had gone back to work). After over two months in the NICU, Emma came home, and we spent the rest of her first year in "lockdown" due to her compromised immunity. A common cold would likely result in hospitalization or worse. Grief was delayed, because I was so worried about Emma surviving. That's all that I focused on, and that's how I made it. There was no room for previous expectations - I couldn't even remember them.

This project touches on the most personally significant parts of life to me. Also, I think that there is immeasurable value in perpetuating positivity for women on multiple levels. I realize how naive it sounds, but I don't understand why there is so much overt and underlying competition. Although there are some long standing societal norms that help contribute to this dynamic, I believe that we can choose not to buy into it. Ultimately, I believe in people who believe in bringing out the good in others, and I want to be a part of and support a project that values this ideal.

Kristin Lambert

The lovely Kristin Lambert, Zayne (3), and Maia (13 months). 

Kristin says that she self diagnosed herself with PCOS at age 14 after reading an article in a magazine but wasn't officially diagnosed until age 30 when she and her husband saw a reproductive endocrinologist after trying for a year to conceive. Because of her PCOS and her husband's infertility, they were told that IVF was their only option. There was no way that they could afford an IVF procedure, so she started researching online and found an organization that offered grants to couples with infertility.

They were awarded a grant and were paired with a doctor in Utah where they ended up with 6 embryos, of which 2 were implanted initially, and the rest were frozen in pairs. Zayne was conceived on their first try, but his twin did not survive. After an easy pregnancy, long labor, and cesarean delivery, Zayne arrived in October 2013.

A year later, they tried again with two of their frozen embryos. This time was unsuccessful, and resulted in a chemical pregnancy. 3 months later, they tried again with their 2 remaining embryos, and Maia was conceived, but again, her twin did not survive. This pregnancy with Maia was the complete opposite of her first. She had hyperemesis gravidarum and was incredibly sick. Kristin hemorrhaged early on and was put on bed rest, but thankfully, it did not affect the baby. Maia was born via scheduled cesarean in August 2015. "We realize just how blessed we are to have had not one, but 2 successful IVF transfers. I truly feel that I was put on this Earth to be a mother, and God couldn't have blessed me with a better pair of babies than mine".

"No one should be shamed due to their appearance. I just hope to empower women to just be who they are and enjoy life!"

Conor Humphries

The courageous Conor Humphries with her son Jarvis (8.5 months). Conor and her husband had struggled with years of infertility before they were able to enjoy Jarvis' pregnancy. They ultimately turned to IVF, conceived twice, and miscarried each time. On their third and final attempt they conceived both through IVF and naturally and for the first 10 weeks, Conor carried twins. She miscarried one of the babies and found it tough to enjoy her pregnancy for fear that Jarvis wouldn't make it as well. She ended up going overseas for about a month and during that time really started to show. Everything checked out well when she returned, and she felt she was finally able to enjoy her pregnancy. She loved it actually and felt really great. At 38 weeks, her water broke and by the time she got to the hospital she was at 5cms. She was confident in her ability to labor and birth naturally but ended up getting an epidural due to threats for a cesarean. It was a welcomed relief actually as she'd had pretty severe back labor. They kept on saying she'd need an episiotomy, or forceps or vacuum to get the baby but out but Conor said no and after 2 hours of pushing, her son was born. When Jarvis was 9 days old, he was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect. He had his first surgery the day before his due date. It didn't work as well as they'd hoped, so he had another surgery 5 days later. They booked him in for another big open heart surgery, but he got sick just before so they pushed it back, and in the meantime, he got better and better, and they decided he didn't need it. Jarvis had his last surgery about a month ago and is very healthy and happy. He'll need monitoring and more surgeries down the road, but Conor is thrilled that they can live normally right now.

Beth Fletcher

The phenomenal Beth Fletcher with her son Elijah (4) and daughter Clara (2). Beth is also mother to Anna (11), Noah (10) and twins James and Jake who were still born on February 26, 2008. Beth had preeclampsia with Anna and was induced at 35 weeks. She was put on Magnesium Sulfite so her body was fighting that stopping the birth and pitocin trying to start her birth. They broke her water but her body never responded at all and after 24 hours she delivered via cesarean. Anna had high blood pressure in her lung and had difficulty breathing. She had to go to NICU and be intubated and Beth was unable to touch her daughter for 4 days. Thankfully, Anna was able to come home a week later. Less than a year later Noah was born and Beth had planned to have a VBAC. At 37 weeks he measured over 9lbs on ultrasound so they chose to deliver via cesarean at 38 weeks due to his size. Noah was 10lbs and had the same lung condition as Anna. Beth and he had to be taken to a different hospital via ambulance where he was intubated and stayed in the NICU for 2 weeks. Beth had never been able get Anna to latch but always pumped and thought she'd try again with Noah. She was able to nurse for a few weeks but had a difficult time with Anna also being so young and stopped early on.

Her delivery with her James and Jake was her only natural, vaginal delivery. Knowing that they had already passed she wanted to feel everything and every connection with them that she could. It was the only pregnancy that she labored and dilated and she said in what it was it was perfect. She labored for 12 hours, her water was broken and James and Jake were born shortly after. Beth's placenta didn't deliver so she had to have an emergency D&C but said she didn't care. She just wanted to go away. She kept her boys with her overnight and then, she never saw them again. They are still so much the part of their family.

Beth had an early miscarraige the following year. She started seeing a specialist who helped her through her first 12 weeks with Eli. She was excited to show her older two children what having a baby was supposed to be like. Elijah was also delivered via cesarean but Beth fought to have him with her right away. With the help of lactation consultant holding her breast she was even able to nurse him immediately in recovery. It was just what she'd wanted and was willing to fight for. Eli nursed for 15 months, until Beth was 6 months pregnant with Clara. She had another wonderful cesarean birth and successful nursing relationship with Clara.

Beth came to share her story with us because she has been angry with her body for failing her and her twin boys. She has always loved her body and herself and has struggled with feeling like she needed her body to protect her and her boys and it just didn't do what she needed it to. She said that while she very much feels she knew something was off the day that her boys passed, one of the things she thinks about most is that as a mother, she wasn't able to be there for them as they were dying. In that moment they need her, she couldn't hold their hands and whisper that everything would be okay and that she'd love them always.

Kayla Dar

The phenomenal Kayla Dar with her youngest of 4, Isa Zayd (7 months). Kayla is also mama to Mason (11), Hamza (7) and Aisha (3). Kayla gave birth to Mason when she was very young and continued to make more educated choices with each of her pregnancies and children. She suffered miscarriages before both Hamza and Aisha's pregnancies, both of which were born without complications. Her hospital deliveries however were full on interventions and separation from her newly born children. When she conceived Isa she learned she was carrying twins but at 7 weeks began to bleed and miscarry. She was sent home and told to come back in one week for a D&C. When she did, she pushed for an ultrasound and learned she had one live baby with a heart beat which was Isa and that she had miscarried his twin. Kayla felt let down again by the medical community and pushed for a home birth. She was able to get her husband on board and even ended up live-streaming her birth so that she could continue to advocate for and educate others. Kayla and her husband Omar also run , a parenting blog full of education and support on the very things that she has learned in her journey through motherhood.