Katie Lewis (37 - she/her), James (47 - he/him), Dillon (8), Dawson (4), and Nora (6 months now - 11 days in this photo)
Herndon, VA (Photographed in Washington, DC)
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
I used to feel insecure about my body, but now I feel grateful for it. Growing, birthing, and nursing my babies has taught me to respect, appreciate, and trust my body more. I'm now in awe of how wise and capable my body is.
After my first baby, my body bounced back into shape quickly. But after my second baby, I had a bad case of diastasis recti, which is a gap between abdominal muscles. I felt uncomfortable and looked pregnant for over a year after I birthed my son. Exercise, usually my favorite therapy, hurt and worsened my diastasis. I felt depressed because I didn't know how to heal. Finally I found the MuTu System, an online postpartum recovery program for healing diastasis recti and returning to exercise. I healed my diastasis, started exercising, and felt comfortable in my body and clothes again. I am using MuTu System again to heal and get active since having my third baby, Nora.
My postpartum experience led me down a spiritual path that informs my gratitude for my body now. I completed A Course In Miracles, which taught me that I am not a body, but rather I have a body. I am Spirit, and my body and mind are the vehicles through which I am able to experience this world. I also was guided to the Medical Medium, who teaches that our bodies love us and work hard for us; our bodies aren't failing us, but rather are up against poisons and pathogens in this world, and from him I've learned how to eat better to help my body heal.
What was your postpartum experience?
When our first son was born at a big hospital under the care of a big OB practice, we experienced both the "cascade of interventions" and provider neglect. The birth experience left me feeling robbed, and I had to process it for a long time to understand what had happened and why I felt that way. This traumatic birth was a difficult start to motherhood. My second and third babies were born at home under the care of midwives. Having peaceful and positive birthing experiences for my second and third births helped me achieve more pleasant postpartum experiences.
I had a very difficult start to breastfeeding my first son. I almost quit, but was saved by an excellent lactation consultant and a breastfeeding support group. I learned from my experience and received better postpartum support from my midwives after my second and third babies, so breastfeeding was easier with them. I fought hard for my breastfeeding success and am proud that I nursed both of my sons for over two years and am nursing Nora now.
We are a dual income household. With all three of my babies, I was fortunate to be among the small percentage of American working mothers who get a paid maternity leave. However, after my first son was born, I did not know to cancel all plans and rest. Plus he was an incessant crier and not a sleeper. When I went back to work full time at 3 months, I was exhausted and missed my son terribly. Looking back, I realize that I had undiagnosed and untreated postpartum depression, no doubt exacerbated by birth trauma, sleep deprivation, and lack of rest in my postpartum time.
I learned from my first postpartum experience and cleared my calendar after my second and third babies were born. Both were winter babies, so it was easy to stay home and lay low. We were fortunate to have the support of our mothers staying with us in our early weeks, and our friends brought us meals.
The COVID-19 pandemic exploded in the United States a few weeks after Nora was born, so of course our postpartum experience after our third baby was unique. After an initial month of rest for which I am grateful, things quickly became more challenging, stressful, and complicated (explained below).
What is your truth that you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
Becoming a parent is a right of passage. As such, it will break you, and you will come out the other side a new person. You will have to say goodbye to your old life and your old self. You will feel tempted to cling to or recreate the past. But if you can move past that, you'll find that your new life and new self are much richer than you ever imagined. Parenthood will teach you humility and empathy. You will be forced to dig deep within yourself to overcome challenges and in doing so you will grow into a better person. In becoming who you need to be to sustain your family and yourself, you'll have to take inventory of your beliefs, habits, friendships, and lifestyle choices, let some of them go, and create new ones.
Trust your intuition. There is no shortage of people who will tell you how to birth or parent. But there is no on-size-fits-all approach to birthing or parenting. Nobody knows yourself or your children as well as you do. You are an adult. Abandon people-pleasing and accept that when you do what's best for you and your family, you will inevitably disappoint people and be misunderstood and judged.
The current American obstetric system was created by people who hold a different vision of birth than you do. You may need to look outside of it to be satisfied with your care and birth experience. Though it sounds crazy now, you will enjoy birthing at home with midwives. Hypnobirthing will help you prepare your mind and trust your body, and will help you connect your spirituality to your understanding of birth.
The early years of parenting will be hard on your marriage. Be easy on yourself and your husband. Be forgiving. You are both trying so hard and adapting so much. It WILL get easier. Hang in there and love each other.
If you find yourself in despair and don't know what to do, pray. Even if you don't know who you're praying to. One day soon you will do this, and the miracles will begin immediately. Unseen holy companions are conspiring for your success, and just waiting for your invitation. As you continue down this path, you will find the world to be even more magical and joyful than you imagined.
Nothing lasts forever. Each season of parenting is both challenging and wonderful. Know that for better or for worse, this too shall pass.
How has your (pregnancy/birth/postpartum/parenting) been affected by COVID-19?
The world changed rapidly due to the COVID-19 pandemic after Nora was born. The virus arrived to our region when she was three weeks old. By five weeks, schools had closed. At seven weeks, our state had issued stay at home orders and banned gatherings. At first, it felt like the entire world was joining me on maternity leave. But as the news changed by the hour, the demands on us increased. My boys were home full time and it fell on me to educate them while also caring for a new baby and healing myself. We weren't sure when we would see our family or friends again. Parenting became all-consuming because we couldn't go anywhere or interact with anyone. When James' workplace closed, we thought he might lose his job. He was spared, but had to work hard from home among our circus of two active boys and a brand new baby. My future employment and our access to childcare became uncertain. I also photograph weddings, and the events and photography industries were decimated. Our medical appointments became video chats; Nora has a painful health problem, and the specialist who is treating her has never met her in person. Getting basic household goods became challenging.
Parenting in the early pandemic caused us severe anxiety. One day I collapsed in my husband's arms crying that postpartum depression was consuming me in spite of my efforts. My midwives gave me the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Screening, standard at six weeks postpartum, which asked me to rate my feelings in response to statements like, "I have looked forward with enjoyment to things," "I have been anxious or worried for no good reason," and "Things have been getting on top of me." I realized I had nothing to look forward to because everything was cancelled indefinitely, of course I have been anxious and worried because we were living in a pandemic and jobs and support were disappearing, and of course things had been getting on top of me because we were stuck at home and doing everything ourselves. My midwife was generous with her time and counsel to talk things through with me at length, something my OB's would not have done. It was eye opening that the pandemic conditions were triggering for mental health challenges and that postpartum people were particularly vulnerable.
Luckily, we'd had enough children and been through enough seasons in life to know that as tough as things are, this is just a season. In the midst of it all, James would pretend years had passed and say to me, "Remember that time there was a pandemic, and we had a new baby, and she was crying all the time because she was in pain, and we were all stuck at home, and the future felt scary? Yeah that was hard." I leaned hard on self care disciplines like doing my MuTu System workouts, going for walks, eating fresh foods, and daily showers to try to keep myself from despair. I started taking CBD for the first time, which helped my anxiety. As the weather warmed and school ended, it got easier. Now, pandemic parenting is the new normal.
The silver lining is that we've had a lot of time at home together while our kids are young that we wouldn't have had otherwise. Baby Nora hardly knows anyone outside of her family.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I am a photographer, and I love that this project uses photography and storytelling to illuminate the postpartum experience. My postpartum time has shaped me more than any other time in my life. I think it's important for postpartum stories to be told to communicate the needs of parents and children during this crucial and vulnerable time in the human lifecycle. The story of birth and parenting is the story of humanity, of bringing souls into and through this world.
I love how you illustrate the many different types of people who are parents and the many ways in which babies come to their parents. We live in an a racist, capitalistic patriarchy which, through its job-based health insurance system, restrictive midwifery laws, and absence of paid family leave, operates under the unwritten rules that to receive any support when having a baby, one should be a certain type of person in a certain type of relationship with a certain type of job and give birth in a certain type of place. However, only some families fall within those parameters. I dream of a health care system and family leave system that supports the health of all types of citizens throughout their lifecycles. We are the only developed nation that doesn't have universal health care and paid family leave. Compared to the rest of the developed world, the United States has poor health outcomes for birthing and postpartum people and babies, particularly for people of color. Pregnant, birthing, and postpartum people and children have unique needs. Our society does not adequately support and protect them, and there is enormous suffering as a result. I love that this project holds space for postpartum stories and spreads awareness for the need for change in our society.