Isabella Norris

Isabella Norris (22) and Harlow Everett (9 mo)

Minneapolis, MN

“I found out I was pregnant for the first time in January 2018. I had just quit my long-term job that had paid well just a couple week prior, in order to focus on finishing my college degree in American Indian Studies. I was freshly engaged to my partner, Matt, as of October. I had a very clear image of what I wanted to do in life, and I knew how I was going to get there.

After learning I was pregnant due to failed birth control pills (that I took very diligently), it threw what I thought my world was completely out the window. After a couple weeks of pure panic, which then slowly turned into excitement, Matt and I both agreed how great it would be to welcome our very own little one into the world. We started to get settled into the idea; told family members, started thrifting clothes, thinking of names. Then one day, in the middle of February, I felt bleeding. The following day we went in to see our midwives, and sure enough, I was experiencing a miscarriage at around 8 weeks pregnant.

Matt and I both cried. A lot. I felt an emptiness I didn't know existed. And then, just a couple days later, I felt a pain so intense that it almost made me pass out. Matt brought me into the hospital, and turns out I was experiencing a blocked small intestine. I was admitted into the hospital and put on the strongest pain killers available, a tube shoved down my throat for days. Unable to be coherent enough to make decisions, I floated through, broken and sick, while others were in control of what happened to me.

Luckily enough I had one doctor that stuck up for me against having surgery by suggesting that "Hey, western medicine won't agree, but how about the concept that the miscarriage and these problems are related?". Because of him, I got to go home. I was released after 6 days, still not fully better, but at least not with a surgery that would have caused complications for the rest of my life. It took another 3-4 weeks for things to pass and to not have to be on medication daily.

Due to being in the hospital, and then still being so sick after, I had to quit that semester of school. So when I got "better", I was jobless, and not in perusing the degree I was excited about. I had never felt so useless in my life. After weeks and weeks of my mental health just taking a terrible downturn, Matt and I started talking about the joy that came from that small little moment of pregnancy I had gotten to experience. Through that dark, dark time, we had this little glimmer of hope. It took so much therapy, and support of friends and family, to get through that time. In April, we found out I was pregnant again. Our rainbow finally shone through.

How has parenthood impacted your body image? 

Hahaha. I actually laughed at this question, is that bad? It's probably bad. I have always struggled with my body image. I've just never felt great about myself. When I started birth control years prior, I had gained like 30 pounds that took a very long time to lose. When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I was actually, for the first time, happy with my body. I was strong because I was working out, and I felt comfortable at the weight I was at for the first time in a long time. But then, due to really intense nausea during my first pregnancy and only being able to eat bland high-calorie foods, I already gained ten pounds by the time I was pregnant again. And then I had perinatal depression and PTSD, which made it really hard to get myself to do a lot.

When I finally got out of the depression funk, I was diagnosed with pelvic problems which prevented me from doing anything to physical. During my pregnancy I ended up gaining an additional 50+ lbs, and felt absolutely terrible the entire time. After I had Harlow, I struggled so much. I felt so uncomfortable with my body, despite how often Matt would tell me how lovely I was. I tried so hard, but it never really got better.

As I have started to get back to my pre-pregnanc(ies) weight, I have finally started feeling better. Which Im frustrated with. I wanted to feel empowered and feel good enough where I was at during pregnancy and during early postpartum. And to be honest, I still struggle. Often. I'm only about 10 lbs away from my original weight, but my body is so different. It's getting easier, slowly, but I'm not nearly as confident as I was pre-pregnancy. I think that's part of why I got drawn to being apart of this project. I want to feel like "me", where I am at right now.

What was your postpartum experience?

Postpartum was hard. I got a fourth degree tear during delivery, and the healing process from that was difficult. I was in the hospital for four days trying to heal a bit more before going home. On top of healing, I really intensely struggled with breastfeeding. I had always expected that moment of latching to be so exciting and just feel amazing. Man, I was just so wrong on that! It was so HARD. And it felt like I was literally was feeding him ALL. THE. TIME. Because I was! I tried to see a lactation consultant only to be diagnosed with Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT), being told I would never make enough milk for my son.

I was so under-slept, and so scared that Harlow wasn't gaining weight the way he was supposed to because of me. I struggled a lot. My marriage struggled a lot. I became overly defensive over anything, and frustrated at the smallest thing. I had never felt under so much pressure. To keep this little tiny human that I created alive. To spread my time and love evenly over to my partner. To keep a house from not getting so messy that it caused me to have panic attacks. To remember to shower, or get a second to myself.

Eventually that diagnosis of IGT got thrown out the window by my midwives and his pediatrician, but the stress that came from all of that really affected me a lot. I wanted to quit breastfeeding so badly. I ended up trying to go dairy free to see if that would help how fussy Harlow was, and that actually made a huge difference. We also were able to find (free) milk donors in our community who made it possible to help with supplementing Harlow with breastmilk, which took so much pressure off me. In the end it still took months to really feel established with feedings, but now it is actually the most amazing relationship.

My fourth trimester felt like such a whirlwind. In the moment, everything took forever. The endless night wakings, the diapers, the screaming. It seemed to never end. But you know what? It did. For real! Things actually got better. The sunny little moments we got from him, like seeing him really smile for the first time, or watching him learn the give kisses, or laugh, made everything so much better. Eventually I started to feel more like myself and less like I was being controlled by my hormones, and that has helped so much too. When I look at it today, I realize everything we went through got us to where we are now. I have a happy little boy, who is just about to walk and loves to meet new people, and an incredibly loving and supportive husband who I adore being married to. But wow, postpartum a lot. Never easy, always worth it. This year has been absolutely all over the place, but with where we ended up, I truly couldn't be more grateful for it.

What is your truth?

Parenthood is the realest thing you will ever experience. Right now, our world is filled with false reality. Instagram, Facebook, reality TV to see what others "lives" are like. We as a society tend to spend our time in front of a screen, to avoid a world that is struggling to stay afloat amidst all of the travesties happening. And then, all of a sudden, you make life. Real, right in front of you, life. A human that YOU made, and that is it's own person. Experience it. Soak it in. Breathe through the hard bits, because they really will pass, even though it doesn't feel like it in the moment. This matters so, so much, maybe more than anything.

Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?

My sister-in-law, Rose, participated last year. I was inspired by her to be a part of this project. I look up to her. We have a lot of similar experiences, and seeing her be a part of something so empowering really made me want to be apart of that too. On top of that, I'm a tribal member of the San Luis Rey band of Luiseño based out of Oceanside, CA, and I think its important to be here for other Native womxn/non-binary caregivers out there. It's hard to find a community, especially when you are displaced away from your tribe. I struggle with not seeing people who look like me in social media, and want to help change that. I haven't read many stories similar to mine, so maybe this will help someone feel less alone when they read my story too.

Giovanna Otavalo

Giovanna Otavalo (38) and Bronson (3.5)

Ecuador | Photographed in Chicago, IL

Giovanna shares - 

"At 18 years old, I was told in my very first OB/GYN visit that I had abnormal cervical cells which led to routine biopsies every 3 months, then every 6 months for several years. By the time I was 30 years old, I was told that I would not be able to conceive or carry to full term due to the severe scar tissue on my cervix for all of those year. I learned that I was pregnant during my consult with a fertility specialist. It was a true miracle and incredible surprise!

Prior to becoming pregnant, I was an avid runner and yogi. Due to complications in pregnancy, I was placed on an exercise restriction which limited my movement. Complications in breastfeeding led me to be placed on a prescription medication, which led to drastic weight gain in a short amount of time. All of that led to my body going thru incredible changes that were oftentimes overwhelming, and took a huge toll on my self-esteem and confidence.

I prepared quite a bit for birth as I assumed that would be the hardest part of becoming a mother. I had no idea how challenging the postpartum period and breastfeeding would be! I assumed breastfeeding would be easy and "natural," so I was incredibly unprepared for when my milk never fully came in and my baby continued to lose weight despite nursing around the clock. I sought the help of professional after professional for several weeks only to be told to keep trying, that nursing is about supply and demand, and that my body will eventually make the milk by baby needed. I continued to seek answers until I was finally able to connect with an IBCLC who was knowledgeable about IGT and low milk supply. Her support was a godsend and I truly credit her for rescuing my breastfeeding relationship with my son!

Becoming a Mom has been the hardest and most rewarding role I've ever had! Postpartum Depression and Anxiety and Low Milk Supply are very real and common, and hopefully sharing my journey will help new moms be more comfortable seeking support.

Trust your instinct! You have spent 9 months with this tiny being and no one knows him/her the way you do! Seek help and support during the 4th trimester. If something feels off with you or your baby, don't be afraid to seek answers." 

Jana C

Jana C (35) and Koa (2)

Berlin, Germany | Photographed in Seattle, Washington

Jana shares - 

"I have PCOS and have struggled with my weight and appearance since puberty. As a teenager and young adult, I really didn't have a lot of love, kindness and respect for my body and it really inhibited the way I walked through life in general, always being afraid of other people's judgement. I loved being pregnant and felt really empowered in my birth, seeing that my body just knew what to do, and for the first time in my life really, felt love and kindness and acceptance towards my body. It helped grow my son, it was his first home, providing him with safety and comfort and then it helped us have a powerful birth. It really reinforced this new view of my body as a part of me that is to be loved and respected.

PCOS caused some challenges with my milk supply, but I worked hard to have a nursing relationship regardless and seeing how my body has been this tool for connection and comfort for me and my son has further reinforced feelings of respect and kindness towards myself. I still have moments where I wonder what it would be like to be a smaller size, or wish to have Gal Gadot's figure, but for the most part I am at peace with the way I look and parenthood has had a huge part in that.

Koa and I have had a rough start to breastfeeding. He had jaundice and was too weak and tired to nurse well. He was also born with a pretty severe lip and tongue tie that didn’t get released until he was already 2 months old. On my side of the equation things didn’t look much better. First of all, I had retained placenta. So my body didn’t quite get the message that baby is born and that delayed my milk coming in. On top of that, I had low prolactin levels and likely IGT. I also have PCOS and was under a lot of stress immediately postpartum. Each of these things in and of itself can negatively impact your milk supply. Dealing with all of them made it virtually impossible for me to exclusively breastfeed. Breastfeeding was painful. I had cracked and bleeding nipples.

Koa lost almost 2 pounds in the first week and I had lactation consultants and midwives visit every day for several hours and was put on a different regimen pretty much every day for the first 2 weeks. Nurse on demand for as long as he wants, or every 90 min from start to start, whichever one comes first. Help him latch by squeezing your breast this way, hold his head in this manner, tickle him so he doesn’t fall asleep. Massage your breast to facilitate letdown, get donor milk, supplement with a feeding tube and syringe at the breast (master this tricky thing while still learning how to help your baby latch), grow two more arms so you can do all these things simultaneously. Pump immediately afterwards, then care for your nipples in this way, then sanitize all the equipment, but don’t forget to hold your baby upright for a half hour after feeding for his reflux and do skin on skin as much as possible. Maybe pump on one side while you’re nursing on the other. Take Goat’s Rue, Shativara, Fenugreek, your prenatals and your DHA. Drink a gallon of water. Eat well. Don’t eat anything that might make baby gassy. Eat Oats. Get some fennel. Read this article. And this blog post. But only if you have time.

Remember that this wasn’t my second or third baby. No, I was completely new to motherhood! I had to learn how to even hold a baby securely, read his cues, clothe him, change his diaper etc., deal with the crying and the sleep deprivation. The new relationship dynamics. AND I was recovering from birth. I couldn’t sit without it being painful for weeks, and was supposed to do sitzbaths several times a day. I, to this day, only did that once, simply for lack of time to do it. Just writing this again now is making my head spin. I am not exaggerating when I say that I had no time to go to the bathroom, eat, sleep or do anything other than this. I honestly didn’t even have time or the nerve for half of this stuff. It was driving me insane. How someone is supposed to keep up with any of this is completely beyond me. AND I already had help. My parents fed me and held Koa when I needed to pump. The worst part, it affected my feelings towards my baby. I never not loved him, but for a few days, this infatuation, this feeling of being in love with my child went away. Completely disappeared. I felt depressed and angry. Deficient in some way. This body that so beautifully and easily birthed my child, had known exactly what to do, I had trusted it to do its job and it was failing me now. I sent everyone away, cancelled every follow up appointment and told people I needed a break. I switched to formula (it was hard to get donor milk and I hated the way Koa smelled like another mom’s milk) and bottle. This gave me a much needed break.

My parents fed him with the bottle and I either pumped or rested. I pumped and pumped and the most I ever got was 10oz/day. On a good day. Pumping was challenging in its own right. I had the wrong flange size and my hands cramped up from holding parts for hours every day. I had to sit leaned forward because of how my nipples are positioned and it causes my back to basically be in pain all the time. I contemplated giving up. Everyone around me that saw how much I struggled, encouraged me to just call it a day. I was close to it. But I would nurse Koa once or twice a day if I felt like it and I realized that I didn’t want to give up. I realized that breastfeeding is so much more than nutrition. Yes, the benefits of breastmilk are great and undeniable. Mother’s milk is magical if you will and there are plenty of blog posts about those benefits. But it’s also comfort. It’s bonding, it’s safety, it’s love. So I started going to support groups, and I read articles online and I told myself I’d just try this one last thing. And then this one other last thing. I just wanted to be sure that I gave it my all.

And we started nursing more often. I would nurse him, then top him off with a bottle of formula, hold him. Eventually, I decided to give the SNS a try. I was anxious and hesitant because the feeding tube initially was horrible and hadn’t worked for us at all. But when I finally got the Lact-Aid in the mail, it worked like a charm. I was so happy! I started a routine of preparing formula, straining it, storing it in the fridge and keeping two bags prepped in the fridge. Once or twice, Koa rejected the boob crying SO hard,  he had learned that he wouldn’t be getting any milk and was waiting for me to give him a bottle. Eventually, he learned to trust me though. I went off all supplements and while it is sad that I couldn't ever provide Koa with a full supply of mother’s milk, I know that he is getting SOME milk from me and that is beneficial for him, but what’s more important is that he is getting a full supply of mother’s love. 100% nursing and proud of it. Koa is now two and we are still nursing. He wakes up 3-5 times a night to nurse and while that is hard for me, I worked too hard for our nursing relationship to just end it now when he clearly isn't ready to move on.

"Their judgment is not so much a reflection of you but rather of their own struggle." I think this can apply to any kind of judgement, judgment of your appearance, as well as judgment of your parenting choices.

Following this project, seeing other mom's pictures and reading their stories has had a huge positive impact on me in the months following my son's birth. It constantly reinforced that I was ok, my body was ok, that I am enough. I wanted to be part of something that's so powerful."

Lauren Swan

Lauren Swan (32), Coralie (4), Merrick (2), and Logan (7 weeks)

San Diego. Lauren also participated in Las Vegas in February 2015. You can view her original photo and story here.

Lauren shares -

"I have always been pretty chubby and have had a pretty negative view of my body during different points in my life, but I especially struggled after I had my daughter because my belly remained big after my daughter was born and it made me really self-conscious (especially when people would congratulate me on being pregnant and I wasn't!). Despite this, I was REALLY determined to not pass on the self-hatred to my daughter that I grew up with so for the first time in my life I worked really hard to love my body. It wasn't really until the homebirth of my first son (and around the time I participated in this project the first time!) that I really learned to love and appreciate my strong and capable body more than I ever have in my life, and how beautiful that makes me feel!

This postpartum period was insanely different than my last two! We found out around 32 weeks that our baby had IUGR and I spent the last month+ of my pregnancy constantly worried about my baby - terrified that he was going to be a stillborn, that he was going to have a genetic disorder or an infection that affected him after he was born, etc. Finally after numerous ultrasounds and 2x weekly NSTs it was decided that my son wasn't growing enough and needed to come out at exactly 36 weeks. I endured a marathon 30 hour induction with no pain meds, hands down the hardest physical feat of my life thus far, but was rewarded with a beautiful baby boy named Logan born vaginally and weighing in at 4lbs 11oz.

I had a few sweet moments of my screaming newborn laying on my chest before he was whisked away to the NICU for breathing trouble. He stayed for the next 16 days as he learned to breath well and gain weight without the use of oxygen and feeding tubes. Physically, I recovered quickly from this birth, but I have struggled a bit both mentally and emotionally since my son was born. When he was in the NICU it felt like we were leading a double life, spending days at the hospital with our newborn and nights at home with our other two kids; two separate lives that rarely intersected.

Physically, I recovered so quickly from birth that I told my husband (often while crying) that some days it felt like I was never actually pregnant at all: I had no lingering aches or pains from pushing out my tiny third child and no baby in my arms at home to prove that it wasn't all a scary dream, which felt really, really sad. On top of these huge emotions I struggled daily with the demands of feeding my baby. I am very passionate about the importance of breastfeeding and in the past was diagnosed with Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT) which means that sufficient milk supply has always been something hard-fought on my part in order to nurse my babies. While Logan was in the NICU I was able to pump more than enough for his bottles and nursed him a few times a day with the help of a nipple shield, but once he got home the amount of milk he needed increased and I found it harder and harder to pump, nurse, bottle feed and care for my newborn in addition to my other two kids.

My husband has been a *huge* help with the baby and big kids since we brought Logan home, but he is self-employed and needed to return to work after a few weeks and the stress of trying to "do it all" for my three kids made me tired and overly emotional pretty quickly. We started adding formula supplementation to my breastmilk to make up what I wasn't able to pump for Logan and I instantly felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders (we also tried donor milk from two different moms the first few weeks but they both irritated his sensitive stomach and made his reflux and frequent crying even worse, so unfortunately donor milk is off the table for the time being).

Finally now, after much deliberation and fighting some intense mom guilt, I have stopped pumping and we transitioned to only formula bottles with a few breastfeeding sessions a day. This was a really hard decision for us to make, but with the perspective of him being my third child (along with all the time demands that go along with that!) I have realized that a sane and happy mommy who is able to leave the house with the kids is way more important for the well-being of both myself and my entire family right now.

I think one of the most important thing I've learned is that, as a parent, you have to do what's right for YOU at this moment in your life. Your experience with one child will be very different than your experience with another and it is totally normal for you to make different choices based on this at different times in your life. For example, I pumped around the clock for months with my first child and multiple times a day for nearly a year with my second, but this time around I made it 6 weeks before I decided it was time to stop pumping and this is OKAY. I have learned to be okay with the fact that I am in a different situation now than I was with both my other two kids, and the things I need now to be a happy and healthy person in this postpartum period are different than they were with my last two children. Additionally, my threshold is different than anyone else's so things that other women in a similar situation may be able to do (or not do) are going to be different than what I'm able to do and THAT'S OKAY TOO.

My most recent pregnancy, birth, and postpartum have been incredibly difficult for me. I have found myself feeling frustrated that my body didn't "do what it was supposed to" and I wasn't able to carry a healthy baby to term (and then meet the feeding needs of that baby once he was here by making enough breastmilk for him). My husband and I agreed that this will be our last baby, and I feel like I got robbed of my entire third trimester because I spent the whole time afraid for my baby and then he was forced to come out early anyway because he was in danger.

I wanted to participate in this project in part because I want to start loving my body again, to look at it not as broken but as strong and capable like I once did. I also think it's really important to share my experience so that someone out there who is going through something similar can read this story and know that they are not alone. I want that person to draw strength from my story and to know that if I can make it through a terrifying pregnancy and emotional postpartum period where nothing has gone as expected then they can too.

Jenna Mitchell

Jenna Mitchell and Andrew Joseph (21 months) Jenna also miscarried a pregnancy at 7 weeks in September 2016. 

Jenna says that she has wanted to be a mother since a very young age, and was thrilled when she found out she was pregnant just 2 months after her wedding, two cycles after going off the birth control pill. Her pregnancy was fairly uneventful, with only a bout of carpel tunnel syndrome from 20 weeks until the end of the pregnancy. Jenna's due date came and went and she saw her doctor for a routine appointment at 40 weeks 4 days where he stripped her membranes.

At 5am the following day, her water broke and they headed to the hospital.  Jenna had fully intended to have a drug and intervention free birth, however, once in labor and delivery they immediately started Pitocin despite her requests. The contractions became so strong and so fast that she decided to have an epidural at 4pm just to get some relief and was able to rest comfortably but was too excited to sleep. She started to push at 1:30am and there was very little progress. She pushed for three hours before they had her stop for an hour to let the baby get further into the birth canal. By this point, the epidural was no longer working and she was in so much discomfort.

After 23 hours in labor, she was a mess. They suggested the vacuum and she was warned of the risk of needing a cesarean but she was so exhausted that she just needed the baby to come out so she went for it. Finally, Andrew Joseph entered the world at 8 pounds 12 ounces. Jenna tore on her own and felt every stitch sewing her back up. She had every intention to breast feed, and tried for the first two weeks. Andrew wasn't gaining weight so we went to see a lactation consultant and she was diagnosed with hypoplasia/insufficient glandular tissue. She was on a very strict feed and pump schedule for a week and it made life very difficult. "I felt as though we were so consumed by ounces and formula and pumping, which was made even more difficult by a sleepy baby and non-existent milk production. It was putting a lot of stress on both my relationship with my son and my relationship with my husband. We finally made the decision at 15 days old to exclusively formula feed. I had a lot of guilt but I knew it was the best thing for our family". Andrew started gaining weight and he was a happy, healthy and alert baby.

When he turned 6 weeks old, Jenna became overwhelmed with sadness. She thought constantly about how her maternity leave was half way over and how much she was going to miss him once she went back to work. Once she went back to work she was still so consumed by sadness and dread. She finally realized that she was suffering from postpartum depression. "I worked with my therapist and started on an anti-depressant. I could feel my mood lighten and joy renter my life. I worked with my therapist and 6 months later I was able to stop taking the medication. We found our groove with working and drop offs and pick ups and our routines were going strong".

When Andrew was 17 months old they found out they were pregnant again. The symptoms weren't as strong as with her first, but she just chalked it up to every pregnancy being different. At 7 weeks she started bleeding and had an ultrasound where they found an empty sac. Within the next week everything worked its way out and the pregnancy was over. She was shocked by the intense hormonal shift but feels strengthened by the experience.

"I have had weight and body image issues throughout my whole life, suffering from disordered eating patterns throughout high school and college and even into adulthood. Throughout pregnancy and into motherhood, I have made peace with my body. I have found that since following this project they aren't as intense as they once were, and for that I am grateful. I am proud of my body. I want to promote body positivity and encourage others to be proud of who they are".

Breastfeeding is Beautiful Campaign

We recently had honor of working with nine amazing women to capture different variates and durations of breastfeeding (I even stepped back in front of the camera myself!). Within these sessions we were able to freeze such magical moments in time and share some breathtaking stories: brand new babies still struggling with latch, toddler nursing antics, tandem nursing challenges, exclusive pumping, insufficient glandular tissue and breastfeeding support equipment such as supplemental nursing systems, breastfeeding children with special needs, transitioning a baby from tube fed to breast fed, providing breast milk for older, non-nursing children, changed perspectives and so much more. Whether a nursing relationship was smooth and intuitive or full of hiccups along the way, the diversity and commonalities between these women's journeys is so striking and so wonderful. We hope that by sharing images and stories such as these, we help to push the normalization and education of breastfeeding and breastfeeding experiences further. We hope, above all else, to celebrate the beauty in these variations.

Pictured, in order are (follow the links to their individual breastfeeding stories):

Claudette Garcia and Zakai (2 years old) | http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/claudette-garcia-2/

Susanne Angerer and Coraline (2.5 years old) | http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/susanne-angerer/

Leah Lichy and Ireland (5 months) | http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/leah-lichey

Megan Shaklee and Teddy (10 weeks) | http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/megan-shaklee-2/

Hillary Scharmann, Holden (22 months) and Holiday (2 months) | http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/hillary-scharmann-2/

Mariann McKeever and Malachi (16 months) | http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/mariann-mckeever/

Mayra Buitron and Flor (22 months) | http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/mayra-buitron/

Ashley Williams and Garth (19 months) | http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/ashley-williams-2/

Ashlee Wells Jackson and Nova (31 months) | http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/ashlee-wells-jackson-2/

Christine Juliani, Eden (3.5 years) and Iris (11 months) | http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/christine-juliani/

Leah Lichey

Leah Lichy and Ireland (5 months).

"I lived in this world of birth, babies and breasts for 10 years as a birth and postpartum doula before giving birth to our first born in December of last year.  Beyond knowing that I always thought my breasts looked a little "weird", I had been educated on the term "Insufficient Glandular Tissue" and feared that was me...and it was. Our daughter was born into water at home with Christmas lights twinkling and carols playing.  Within moments, she latched, on her own, while still attached to me by her cord!  I was immediately in love and SO happy that she seemed to want to nurse right away!  We continued, skin to skin, all day and all night, offering the breast at all times to try and give my supply the best chance.  On day 4, she had lost 8% of her birth weight and was getting jaundice.  I wasn't making enough for her.  I grieved hard and heavy, on and off for a few days, but I was prepared and sprung into action, amongst the tears.  I continued to feed my baby, at my breast, but added donor breastmilk to my SNS (supplemental nursing system) that I had ordered in advance, "just in case".  She drank happily, latched deeply, and didn't seem to even notice the new addition of the thin, rubber tube that had been slipped into the side of her mouth.  For a few weeks, I pumped aggressively and took Goats Rue and the medicine, Domperidone,to try to increase my supply.  But I officially had, what we lovingly refer to as a "micro supply". I ceased trying to build it and just focused on giving her the drops that I was making.  One of the greatest gifts I have ever received has been the incredible outpouring (literally!) of nutrient dense, perfectly designed, lovingly donated human breastmilk from numerous mothers; some of whom I know incredibly well and witnessed become mothers as their doula, and some whom just wanted to help. For all of them, I am forever grateful!  Ireland is 5 1/2 months old, absolutely amazing, and a 100% breastmilk fed baby!  My ultimate goal is to be able to bring her to my breast, gaze into her eyes, cuddle close, and nurse for at least 2 years....so far, so good!"

Lauren Swan

The lovely Lauren Swan with her daughter Coralie (2) and Merrick (6 months).

Lauren had healthy pregnancies with each of her babies. Coralie's pregnancy was a surprise, all went well and Lauren labored at home for a long time before going to hospital at about 8 cms dilated. She had an epidural which completely stopped her labor and she had to be given Pitocin. Labor picked back up and she was able to push her out vaginally without complication. Lauren says that while Coralie's birth was unremarkable in hindsight she realized it really just wasn't what she'd wanted. They initiated breastfeeding but Coralie wasn't gaining weight like she should, by her 1 month check up she still wasn't back to her birth weight and Lauren had to start supplementing with formula. She tried pumping around the clock, supplements and ultimately Domperidone. The Dom caused her to gain weight which, in the postpartum period was difficult to accept. She worked with lactation specialist and joined a lactation group where she met another mom who began donating breast milk to her. Lauren had a difficult time navigating her breastfeeding challenges but was grateful that she was able to nurse her daughter and have supplementation support. Lauren's second pregnancy was planned and she chose to give birth at home. Her labor and delivery when very well and once Merrick was earthside, she pumped her fists in the birthing pool and shouted, "I'm a F#*%ing Rockstar!" Merrick's cord had knotted and he had some breathing issues upon arrival but they were able to get him going without oxygen. She felt amazing his birth and while she has still struggled with breastfeeding she's felt much better equipped this time. She was diagnosed with insufficient glandular tissue but through pumping and nursing she's been able to fully sustain Merrick this far without introducing formula and hopes to use donor milk if she needs to supplement in the future. Lauren says that she comes from a long line of female body haters and while she herself has struggled with body positivity and self image she hopes to break the pattern and protect her children from growing up with the same issues.

Brittnae Hoyt

The beautiful Brittnae Hoyt with her son Mason (7 months). Brittnae and her husband were best friends for many years before they realized they were in love. They got married soon after and she discovered 12 days after her wedding that she was pregnant with Mason. Brittnae started pregnancy with a homebirth midwife but at 8 weeks her blood pressure spiked so high she was at risk for stroke. She was put on high doses of medication and monitored closely which meant she had to switch to a high risk OB and deliver in hospital. Brittnae also dealt with severe morning sickness for about 23 weeks of her pregnancy and felt all around crummy for so much of it. She carried Mason to 41 weeks and was able to have a healing waterbirth in the hospital. The experience was beautiful and she was able to initiate breastfeeding right away. The struggled a bit but it wasn't until she took her son in for a weight check that she realized how much he had lost. She started using an SNS immediately, fenugreek, Reglan and pumping like crazy but was never able to increase her supply. A lactation consult ultimately diagnosed her with Insufficient Glandular Tissue. Brittnae swiftly posted an ad on Human Milk for Human Babies and was able to connect with a woman who donated 1,200oz of breastmilk to her for Mason and continues to donate, she has also been able to receive one time donations from two other generous mamas. Brittnae was worried that not being able to bond with Mason without breastfeeding but says that babywearing has helped her foster that closeness. Brittnae says that she was always a skinny person but due to thyroid condition and some other issues has started to put on weight. She's learning to accept her new body and appreciate the things it's done for her and it's new purposes.

Michelle Gay

The most wonderful Michelle Gay with her daughter Ainslie (4.5 months). Michelle's pregnancy with Ainslie was a bit of a surprise but things went very well from the onset. She is a nurse who works at a private hospital so she just imagined she'd stick with that health system but after a friend had encouraged her to hire a doula, she decided that the public system might be a better fit for her. She chose midwifery care and ultimately hoped and planned for a homebirth. All of her prenatal visits were done at home, but as she got closer to term, she began to have issues with her blood pressure. It was determined that she'd need to deliver in the hospital. She fought an induction and was able to get things going with two rounds of acupuncture. She'd planned to stay away from medications but ended up having gas and ultimately a light epidural after 22 hours of labor and exhaustion setting in. Her waters were broken, and her daughter had meconium in her fluid, which meant she'd have to be confined to bed with constant monitoring rather than laboring in the water and shower. She had counseled that she may need vacuum assistance but was able to push her daughter out on her own in just 15 minutes fully supported by midwifery care and she got an hour of uninterrupted skin to skin with her daughter right away. Michelle says that she grieved not being able to deliver at home, then not delivering without medication, then not being able to have freedom of movement during her labor. However, what she's had the hardest time with is not being able to breastfeed her daughter. She nursed and nursed her daughter's first few days, but she wasn't gaining weight. A midwife told her she needed to gain 5oz in two days or she'd have no choice but to give her formula. It was then that Michelle learned she had insufficient glandular tissue. She scrambled to get donor milk after having tried everything from pumping after nursing round the clock, domperidone, fenugreek, water and lactation biscuits to build supply. Within hours, she had liters of donations coming in. Michelle grieved not being able to nurse and at around 10 weeks had a bit of a breakdown and wanted to relactate. She went through the realm of domperidone and fenugreek and building supply again and in 5 days time was able to get Ainslie to latch with an SNS. She was thrilled and felt that she had finally figured it out but after a short period, Ainslie began to refuse. Michelle has been able to continue feeding her daughter donated breastmilk and hopes to carry on as long as possible. Michelle chose to participate in part, to share the story of her daughter's arrival and her struggles with breastfeeding but also to promote positive body image. She's struggled with her own image especially after struggling through a troublesome relationship in which she was body shamed and told to lose weight. She dieted and lost weight and once she got out of it got stuck in a cycle of binge eating. Now that she has a daughter she finds it more important than ever to embrace her body as it is and love it for all it has accomplished.